England expects

...more hiding behind the sofa.

...fingernails down to the bone.

...pounding pulses as Beckham lines up to take another penalty.

...further loutish escapades from a few drunken 'fans', whatever the result.

Why do England games always have to be so emotionally challenging? Why can't we do a Germany now and again? Anyway, I'm ready, the Tuborgs are already at the preferred temperature and my England t-shirt is ironed and pressed. And not just any t-shirt...: