Tuesday, February 28, 2006

The Gooners are coming!

Who said the boys from the red half of North London aren't good for the Jews...?

Sunday saw the Arsenal Managing Director sign a deal with the Israel Tourism Ministry in Tel Aviv, which means that Israel will now get promoted on the club's website, on billboards during games, etc, etc. Not amazingly big money but a very interesting deal. Knowing the Brit footie fan, I suggest this ad be played during games.

And mothers, lock up your daughters if you don't want any more anglosaxy types swanning round the Holy Land!

I am the Bionic Man

Yes, not only am I sack proof, I am now deemed worthy of a 15% pay rise. People, if you want to progress in your contract negotiations, I'm available. Any bets how long this bionic euphoria will last for? I'm thinking a couple of days...

I'm quite tempted to take a dump on the CEO's desk just to see what they'll offer me...

Monday, February 27, 2006

New business venture

After dreaming about it for a long time while simultaneously questioning our existence in Corridor Land, me and O have decided to move into the hosting and entertaining arena. Not quite the pub I one day would love to have, but we've decided, with mrs anglosaxy's blessing, to start a series of parties. Not entirely serious, but more to test the water while we also enjoy ourselves.

First one is due in a couple of weeks. We have the dance bar, we have the theme (since it's going to be Purim and reason to dress up), we have the friends to fill the place. It's a smallish, private party, with some 70-80 guests but should be a laugh. If it works out OK (meaning we don't lose too much cash), expect to get an invite in the post for the next one...

More details soon...

Friday, February 24, 2006

Careers in drink

I see this advert has been sprouting up everywhere. Even spotted it in smallsville, strategically placed next to a high school.

"Barmaid" you can call your sister. I'm a bartender.

For 3000 shekels ($650) and in just 10 lessons, you too can learn to make drinks that nobody will ever order. They'll even throw in a bonus lesson which teaches you how to incorrectly pour a pint (or half liter, as they call it over here), complete with 2 inch head.

I'm all for the rapid explosion in pubs and bars, believe me I am, but this ad is doing my head in...

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Homo Sapiette - February '06

Moran Eisenstein

Wee Moran Eisenstein.

Or at least she was 'wee' before the implants...

Surgically enhanced females don't really do it for me, I'm sorry to say, but we'll give exceptions for Moran, because there is something undeniably vulnerable about her. Perhaps it's the way she was apparently dumped by her singer boyfriend HaSaruf (The Burnt One, don't ask...). Or perhaps the way she shed a tear on primetime TV (the Yair Lapid show), when asked about her deceased father. But then again, it might all have been a big show to get herself listed as an anglosaxy Homo Sapiette. You can never tell with these celebrity types.

Her big break was her rather chesty pout for the Netvision ad (local Internet company) some years back, when she rather cheekily asked us: "And if I don't fancy it on Tuesday?..."

Moran Eisenstein Moran Eisenstein

Since then she's been plodding the minor celebrity rout, with kiddie shows here and ad campaigns there and also a bit of TV hosting for Yes, the local satellite network. The inevitable rout of bimbo actress>pop star was also attempted, with a song she wrote when she was 14. I'm quite content to say that I've yet to hear it. She has even recently taken over from a favourite Homo Sapiette of ours in the play "I'm here because of my wife".

So I guess she's here to stay, for now, and is attempting to turn "serious", though her initial attempts at breaking through as a bimbo-type will probably haunt her for ever. We say, never mind Moran, you can now say you've really made it, what with your February Homo Sapiette double-spread...

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Magical moments

A big part of my life is devoted to Arsenal, as some of you might have guessed. I've grown up with them, been ridiculed for supporting them, and learnt to treasure, though not expect, some of the greatest footballing moments/players of our time. And yes, of course, the torch will now be passed on to junior anglosaxy (hopefully).

As some of you have pointed out to me in the past few weeks and months, it hasn't been a great season for the boys from North London. The odd outstanding performance apart, this is not the Arsenal of just two years ago who were being proclaimed as the greatest side ever, especially after becoming the first team in something like 100 years to go unbeaten throughout a whole season. Those days seem a distant memory...

But then come games like the one last night. Clearly the underdog, and don't we all love an underdog, Arsenal managed to put in a performance that wiped out the growing pains of this season. Man for man, or in some cases, boy (many of this Arsenal squad are still in their teens), they managed to outhustle and outplay the galacticos of Real Madrid. In doing so, they became the first British side to ever win in Madrid. A stellar performance that had me gushing their praises all night and all morning...I'm sure G loved me last night, as he looked into his beer and reminisced about a certain team from Manchester who are, well, a shadow of the team they once were...

Never mind that Real Madrid may very well go and rip this young Arsenal team apart in the second leg. I'm a happy camper now I've seen that they actually tried damn hard to get a result. As a football fan, that's all you really ask for, isn't it? Forget about the big names, the headliners, the transfer speculation, the scandals...don't you just want to see your team give it their best shot out there on the pitch, regardless of who they're playing...?

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Sack proof

You can call me Mr. Unsackable.
I tell the boss I can't make it to the upcoming Company Day, she backs down and smiles.
I'm thinking of buying a gun...that looks like my only way out of Corridor Land...

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Time waster

I'm sorry. I think I've had enough. There's just no need for 6 meetings to discuss the design for t-shirts that they want us to prance around in at Company Day. I make that 6 meetings totalling 7 hours, with 6 or 7 team members in each. That's 45-odd hours to determine the wording of a couple of t-shirts. A working week. Fecking hell.

Forget the fact that I'm not even coming. Forget the fact that I have a deadline at the end of this short month. Forget it all. Because really, when I sit in these meetings, without an ounce of motivation or even the tiniest of inclinations to offer a suggestion, I really know this place ain't for me anymore.

My boss doesn't know that I'm not coming to Company Day. But she will, later today. And, perhaps, the reaction promised last week of the big boss not tolerating my abscence, will come into play. We shall see.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Good God man! Put it away...

Tel Aviv's dawn secret...

If any of you ever make it on to the beach at dawn (OK, not during this morning's downpours), you'll see a whole tribe of ancestors doing their bit on the sandy plains. Jumping, stretching, playing beach tennis (matcot), chasing pigeons, peeing under the lifeguard towers, etc. etc. Generally showing most of Tel Aviv's residents how to appreciate life...

What always makes me laugh are those big trunks the guys (and ladies) wear. Pulled up tight, they invariably end up somewhere just under the chest. And invariably end up showing off their meat and 2 veg (not applicable to most of the ladies). Quite scary, especially that early in the morning. My eyes are going all watery just thinking about the unnatural pressure being applied in them there trunks...

Seriously though, big respect to all those old dears. If I'm still standing at their age, let alone chasing after a small black rubber ball (beach tennis), I'll be well chuffed.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Winter frolics

Is anybody actually watching the Winter (yawn) Olympics? It's managing to grab some prime time TV slots over here in Israel, really not sure why...

Tuesday, February 14, 2006


For all you lucky lonely bastards.

You can't make this shit up...

That time of year again - Corridor Land Company Day. The day when all Corridor Land managers (they're called Directors round here) get to deliver their summary of their dept.'s year to a captive audience. Moments to savour, surely...

This year, unfortunately, they have scheduled the Day for one of my days off, and which is already scheduled with 5 or 6 English lessons. However, an urgent email from my boss has just informed me that the Company Day is "mandatory" to all employees and I should reschedule my lessons. Yeh, right, course I will. Apparently, each dept. has to perform some kind of presentation, and because I'm the sole English speaker, they want wanted to make me the star of their presentation. Of course, when you realise that the presentation is aimed at "selling" Corridor Land to potential customers, with me as the star, you just wonder on what planet some of these people live on...

Shooting. Foot. Oneself.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Hey, you look like me!

I know some of you are curious to see me in the flesh, so this is for you...
Apparently, according to this great new site (all you do is upload a pic of yourself and "hey presto"), the following celebrities look like me...

Yep, that's from left to right, Gary Oldman, Jon Voight, and, my closest match (oh gawd) Yuri Andropov. Disturbingly, Maria Sharapova was my second closest match...

That's right. I'm a big girl's blouse.

Nod to the great Brit in Beij.

The rejected

I have a student who, well, just ain't beng accepted. You know, the one with the funny teeth, the crazy laugh, the wild tuft of hair...I've moved him from class to class because I'm trying to keep him and his mother happy, but every class seems to turn on him. He's a smart kid, though incredibly awkward - thus bugging the other students and eventually invoking an uprising...just last night, after his second lesson in his latest class, I got a note pushed into my hands from one of the students, begging me to move him to another class.

So what do I do? Tell his mother that he just isn't fitting in? Tell her that he's a social outcast and needs a makeover double-quick? I could just bite my tongue and tell everyone to get along, but I also have to think of the other kids who are paying customers and can take their business elsewhere...

Friday, February 10, 2006

Drinking again? What, moi?

It's arty Inbal's birthday party tonight. I'm gonna boogie 'til I can't boogie no more (if I can shake off this cold I've got). Not too sure about the invite though...

"Not taking responsibility for you
Because we're going to drink a sea of alcohol and..."

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Warm and glowy

On a cold and wet day like today (yes, it does get cold and wet in Israel!) I think we need something warm and glowy...a Hi-tech sunset...

Wednesday, February 08, 2006


Don't you hate those fuckers who, 1 hour after privately agreeing to implement a new work procedure next week, write an email saying that they think "it's really not appropriate" that the old procedure is still being used...with copies of the email sent to his boss and my boss.

I guess it's really not appropriate that my boot is heading for your head.

I just lurve office politics.


I'm sulking because I didn't win on the lottery this week. My "system" sucks.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

The real Holy Land

After arriving in Israel early one September morning many moons ago, I was straight on to the beach within minutes of arriving in Tel Aviv.

You can see why I stayed...

Monday, February 06, 2006

Let's have a foursome

OK, this took way too long for me to compile, read 'em and weep...
cheers She for tagging me...

Four Jobs I've Had
Film extra (Pour Sacha)
Grape picker (various Mediterranean islands)
Dishwasher-cum-toast maker extraodinaire (first job in Israel)
Gardener (Kiryat Ono's gardens never looked so good)

Four Movies I Could Watch Over And Over
Pulp Fiction
The Breakfast Club
Ferris Beuller's Day Off
Apocalypse Now

Four Places I Have Lived
Hong Kong
England (south-eastern corner)
The roof of a hotel on the island of Crete

Four TV Shows I Love To Watch
Little Britain
Sky News Sportsline, 12.30 every night, although that's getting harder and harder to pull off...
My Restaurant Rules

Four Places I've Been On Vacation
Khao Lak (now recovering)
Phnom Phen

Four Blogs I Visit Daily
Diamond Geezer
China Life Blog
Going Underground

Four Favorite Foods
Pad Thai (without the shrimps)
Dr Lek chocolate nougat ice-cream
Bacon and eggs (on a Sunday morning back in the UK)
My home-made pizza (complete with strips of salami and tomato)

Four Places I'd Rather Be
On the beach in Ko Lanta, Thailand
On the Star Ferry in Hong Kong
Watching Arsenal live at Highbury (winning, of course)
In a pub, gripping a cold one

Four Albums I Love
The The - Dusk
Depeche Mode - Violator
Radiohead - OK Computer
Clash - London Calling

Four Vehicles I've Owned
VW Beetle (aah, my favourite!)
VW Golf
Mazda 3
Honda Dio 50cc

Four Women I'd Be Prepared To, Er, Spend Time With...
Angelina Jolie (omg, those lips)
Becky Griffin
Penelope Cruz
Alanis Morrisette

Four Others, To Pass The Chain On...
HRH Queen Liz II
Nelson Mandela
Arcady Gaydamak
and of course Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
Eh? What do you mean, 4 other bloggers? Seeing as I'm about the last blogger out there to do this, anyone who hasn't been tagged and who fancies carrying the torch, feel free...

Sunday, February 05, 2006

I'm ready

Got the tickets...

Depeche Mode are on their way!
Now just gotta teach mrs. anglosaxy a few of the lyrics...she loves a good sing-along (and Happy Birthday to you gorgeous, even though you hate me today!)

Hands up who's going...?

Friday, February 03, 2006

What the hell am I?

This has nothing to do with hairy buttocks. Not mine, anyway.

Thursday, February 02, 2006


Who invented the liquid lunch? Goddamn, I love you, whoever you are!

Resolution Update #1

Thought I'd do a quick check on how the ol' resolutions are shaping up...

Me, myself and I
1. Lose some kilos (cut out the junk and English chocs). Definite improvement
2. Plenty more exercise (rejoin the gym? or just stomping round smallsville, flyers in hand?). Definite improvement what with the flyer runs
3. Buy a new camera, a fancy shmancy one. Done
4. Take a scuba diving course. Nyet
5. Revisit the Far East (already planning...). Nyet
6. Take anglosaxy junior to see his real homeland, take your pick which one... Nyet
7. Enjoy life. It's short. Half-doing, time permitting...
8. Further education? Nyet, though am relearning a few nursery rhymes...
9. Shave more. Just about
10. Gotta stop farting so much. Improving, they are certainly less vociferous
11. Give a little back to the community. Well, I've given three hitchhikers a ride this past week if that counts...
12. Drink less beer. Hard, but the potential is there
13. Drink more whiskey. Definite improvement, drank 3 brands this last month
14. See Arsenal play at their new stadium. Not sure I want to on their current form...

Nice little earner
1. More intensive work on the school. Definite improvement
2. Quit Corridor Land (depends a bit on the school and other things). Definite potential
3. Con Corridor Land into giving me a pay rise before I quit. Still waiting
4. Check out options abroad (destinations as yet unnamed). Checking...
5. Save more of my teaching cash. Saving...

1. Redesign anglosaxy. Nyet...but I might just be working on something...
2. Keep anglosaxy going, whatever path I take this year. Still going...
3. More decent writing, more serious pieces (some of you already know where to look for this). Nyet
4. Post more interesting pics (using my new camera, see above). Coming soon
5. Online photo portfolio (photoblog?). Working on something

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Corridor update

Well, I signed the contract in the end because they agreed not to deduct the half-hour lunchbreak (if I don't take a lunchbreak). But don't tell everyone coz this little perk is only for me and another non full-time worker. Apparently everything they are doing is legally OK, though as my accountant put it, very ungentlemanly. I'm still waiting for the salary review, and still unsure how I will respond to the impending 0% bonus. Even though I don't give a shite about this place, not sure if my pride can take many more 0% reviews...especially with the school starting to move in the right direction (5 newbies this last week).

The time clock itself kicks in today, and ain't it appropriate that to log in to the system we have to press F1 on the clock. Help!