Oh to be a corporate whore

After a Company Day of witnessing people get actually excited, even animated about their job in hi-tech, I have to say that I could have picked a better profession, those many moons ago...maybe it's the independent spirit in me, but listening to the big cheese saying he demands things from us made me cringe, a cringe beyond normal cringes...coupled with some of the cringe-worthy comments from my team in a closed session with our department boss, I have to say: some people really, really need to get a life.

So, I bolted before the final session of marketing-speak speeches. There's only so much a man (with a soul) can take. And spoke on the phone with two of my freelance gigs that are pulling in some cash, without any of the built-in corporate politics and bollox. One of these gigs even pays me to write about football, believe it or not...

Anyway, thought I'd pop in to say hello. How are you me little darlings?

Back into the fast lane. Of corridors.

Hell on wheels.

Well, that's what it feels like to get back into Corridor Land world, which shall now be rephrased Cubicle Corner. However much I try to convince myself, I ain't made for sitting in cubicles and listening to politically correct discussions about work and boring TV shows and cats. It's not that the people I work with are nasty or anything - although I did manage to raise the wrath of the Super Geek here for having the audacity to question why a document was given a specific name, oh dearie me - it's just that I know it ain't the environment for me. An example: at lunch last week I was just cringing as the guys in my team went over the fine points of Microsoft's usability...as the table of Israelis next to us discussed the intricacies of Messi's goals for Barcelona. I'm guessing you know where I'd rather have been sitting...

What's also a killer is the commute. I'm now some 2.5 hours on the road every day, which is eating into my quality time with the kids. I miss picking them up from the kindergarten, taking them to see the lambs, or standing on the sidelines as my boy takes football lessons...

Having said all that, things are moving along in the background, as they usually do with me, and I'm quite prepared to jump ship at the drop of a hat. I had a very interesting chat last night with a guy who used to work at the original Corridor Land. I've been helping his startup out now and again and now it looks like they have some money to invest in some writing work. And my next door neighbor and I (he's also a hi-tech refugee) are having weekly beer sessions trying to fathom out ways to make some cash on the Internet. We think we might have twigged onto something...

One day it's gonna happen, I tell ya!

My new baby

Being without regular employment takes some getting used to, especially after being pampered for the last 10 years in hi-tech. But hey, I'm enjoying it. And again, hats off to Corridor Land, who helped pay for this little thing below, because no employment means no company car means we had to go out and buy one...it's a Mazda Premacy, by the way.

Echoes from a corridor

Say what you want about Corridor Land, and hey, let's face it, I pretty much did, they have surprised me for the good yet again this week. Yes indeed, Corridor Land.

Let's say I was a little surprised when my bank called and said I had a dollar deposit in my account, and wanted to know if I'd like to convert it to shekels. I asked "Who the feck is sending me dollars, and so many of them?" and was delighted to hear her spell out the name in English - "C-o-r-r-i-d-o-r-L-a-n-d".

Apparently the options I bought upon leaving the place had come to fruition and that meant another chunk of cash in my bank account. This is the last one though, unfortunately. Full of shit they may have been, but administratively they run a tight ship, you've gotta admit.

I would of said the drinks are on me, but my overdraft swallowed it all up. Sorry innit.

No return to C Land

Well, for those of you interested, the day before I was supposed to start working for Corridor Land they called and told me they thought they had found a replacement for the twat who had taken over from me (those of us who know, know he's a twat). I was scheduled to be a stop-gap for a few weeks/months until a more permanent replacement was found.

And to tell you the truth, I'm bleedin' relieved. It would have been a few extra shekels, which is always nice, but it would have stretched me silly. At present, I'm rolling into bed at 2am every night after working on my new website (soon to be websites) and have just taken on a new freelancing gig with one of my old customers. So feck knows where I would have managed to squeeze C Land in...

One thing I have managed to squeeze in to my schedule is the gym - 3 times a week I'm pumping iron baby! Or trying to pump iron...OK, I just look at the barbells and convince myself that next week I'll start with them...But, I have to say, I feel much better these days, a lot fitter and healthier, despite the shitload of work on my shoulders at the mo. Eating a lot of fruit too, 'tis the season of oranges and avacados and grapefruit innit.

And look at Ingerlund go. Future world champions, no doubt about it. Missed the game, but sounds like they were all over the Old Enemy. Go Capello!

The return of the Corridor?

Received an interesting email this week. It was from my ex-boss at Corridor Land, wishing me a Happy New Year. She then went on to ask if I wanted to return to Corridor Land as a freelancer, maybe 2, 3 days per week. I had to smile. Then shiver, as the goosebumps went shimmy shammy down my spine. Apparently the writer that took over from me saw the light. Or perhaps was made to see the light, which seems more feasible, seeing as some of us know what a twat he is...

And I'm actually considering the offer. Trust me, if it was as a salaried employee it wouldn't even cross my mind, but as a freelancer I don't have a problem. I have also laid down some ground rules, which I'm still awaiting a response on...without those in place, they can go jump.

A year ago today...

...I handed in my keys and finally bid farewell to Corridor Land. Even though generally time is whizzing along, seems like much longer than a year ago...

Corridors and Roundabouts

Just a little update on Corridor Land, for those of you who miss those dark, dank days...they are now restructured and reorganized and are now no longer known as Corridor Land, but as an official arm of the American mothership that purchased them. But you'll be pleased to know that with all the restucturing, they've managed to offload a number of employees and still not pay pitzuim (layoff compensation). Once a classy act, always a classy act. Fuckers.

Last week I actually received a cheque from them for loyalty over the years. OK, I'm joking about the loyalty part, but I did get a cheque from them as the stock options that were mine have been realized, or something similar, and were actually worth money. Of course, this is Corridor Land options we're talking about, so don't get excited...really. I'd invite you all (all 3 of you) for a beer, but I'm not sure it'd stretch that far...

And as my old vodka-toting Ruskie corridor partner O is just about to start her new job, we shall just wish her a pleasant, if rather squeaky "Uh-oh". Mmm, where could she possibly be working?

Layoff with the compensation!

I have to say, I'm pleased I did things the way I did with Corridor Land. I've finally gotten me hands on a meaty cheque (actually 2) and am making plans on what to do with it...with ample help from the missus! With no need for a car now I have Open Spacey, there's an extra pile handy. Just about the right size for an exotic holiday...mmmm...where to go, where to go? England for Crimble? Nahhh...

Unbelievable

Two months after I officially leave Corridor Land (let's face it, my heart took the first bus out way back when...), they go and get bought by a huge American corporation. You might have seen it on the Israeli web, it was big financial news for a couple of days, though I didn't see anything on the TV news about it...

My first reaction was: Holy Fuck! Somebody actually paid money to buy them! My second reaction was: Holy Fuck! Maybe I missed out on a bumper bonus! My third reaction was: Fuck it! The likelihood of getting any bonus from these guys was pretty much nil. My final reaction: Fuck 'em! I'm much better off without 'em...

I still have the opportunity to buy stock options in the company, but seriously, I think I have much better things to spend my money on...

NewB

The new Corridor Land is OK. The writing is a lot more technical, that's for sure, and there is a helluva lot more work, but the place does have some decent pluses, when compared to the ol'place. People that actually say Hello to you in corridors, global reps sending warm welcomes via email, a boss that swears his arse off more than me...one thing that I'm not so sure about is blogging on company time, what with the area of security they are involved in...so, limited blogging updates from work in the meantime. Look, there's a few things that don't strike me as particularly great (shite computer to start with - I have the office zonna, the PC that has been with everybody), but all places have their shit, right?

What is harder (make that: impossible) is getting back into the serious Tech Writer mindset, but at least I'm trying my best to fit in, I'm actually quite a joy, I think...

Fearless

The new Corridor Land gig starts real soon, and to tell you the truth, I've hardly even thought about it. Not sure if it's a good thing, but I'm just concentrating on the salary, the car...however, and didn't you just know there's a however, one sentence uttered to me by my boss about the car leasing deal has been zipping around inside my head the last couple of days:
"One guy here is paying more than anybody else, but, sssshhhh, we don't want him to find out about that..."
Oh dear.

Sizzle sizzle

Ooooh, mind where you put yer hands - I'm sizzling, baby...sizzling!

After the last few weeks bumming it, and after the bank called to point out that the old overdraft was creaking under the strain, I decided (via a push and a prod from the missus) to look for a way back into technical writing. Minimum hours, of course, so the English school can still blossom.

So there I was, in a conference room in a standard modern office block, in smallsville of all places. My first job interview, and not really anticipating a result. But after greeting the Tech Writer I'll be working with, and my future boss, I had a good feeling, almost tingly. And was it me, or did they seem desperate to snap me up? WTF - who gets an offer at the end of an hour long interview these days? They're a young crowd, very small local branch of a US company, opportunities to go to China and other countries to visit the R&D departments located there, more money than the old Corridor Land...what the fuck more can I ask for? OK, so they're giving me less vacation days but...I signed the contract, starting in a few days.

Not entirely sure this'll help the school, but I'll be free in the afternoons/evenings, so should be OK. If it doesn't work out, I can just quit, right? No more pissing about over layoff payoffs etc etc

Viva La New Corridor Land!

Goodbye to the cooler

Handed back my car. Corridor Land and me are finally through. Hugs and false emotions all around this afternoon as I handed the keys in (damn, going to miss those wheels!) and said goodbye to a few people. Was I sad? Was I fuck. My only issue: how will I manage without their luverly little water cooler...?

Almost there...

Had a meeting with the CEO today. This was after 11 cancellations. When he cancelled this morning, I was extremely pissed and went to see his missus. Within 5 minutes the meeting was back on. I bet she threatened him with the sofa...always works...

Anyway, you might be thrilled to hear (if not, at least the bars round my neck of the woods will be pleased...), the CEO confirmed the compensation payoff is mine. I'm not counting any chickens (I intend to count only "empties"...), but I think I'll wait until I get the paperwork in my mitts before totally celebrating...

The day is drawing near...

Today is my last "solo" day at Corridor Land. I have a couple of things to finish off, then I'll be back in the middle of next week to "handover" to the new guy. OK, tomorrow I'll be here to chat with the CEO, but apart from that, we're almost through...

Have a couple of part-time gigs lined up, one paying very well, but I'm also looking to spend some time on the beach, drink a few beers, enjoy some quality sunsets with my kids and just clear my head of the last 6.5 years...once the guilt sets in, I'm sure I'll be looking for a few more hours here and there!

UPDATE: Of course, the CEO has played silly buggars all day and changed the appointment at least 4 times. Now, it just happens to be on my very last day. Fucker.

Succckkkeerrrrr!

A new writer signed a contract with Corridor Land this morning. Bless 'im. Thought I might have given him the willies yesterday after a barrage of questions fired my way...but he seems happy enough. I basically lied my arse off: "The people are fantastic", "There is a great environment here..." "The bosses really appreciate good work" etc etc. Felt my stomach churn as I uttered some of those...

So, the countdown begins...a week of "handing over" begins next week and then I should finally be free! Ah, I've also lined up a personal meeting with the CEO because I'm fed up with hearing from my boss (yes, she's married to the CEO) that she has no idea if I'll get pitzuim. If the big boss says No, then No Handover Period from moi. An immediate walkout seems like a good option.

Things they could have said...

Just thinking, as my Corridor Land days come to an end, if things would have been any different if da management at C Land had ever come out with any of the following:

- "Good morning!" as they walked past my wide open door.

- "If you're happy, we're happy."

- "That is excellent work!"

- "Thank you for your work on the project that you alone implemented and that will eventually save us thousands of dollars."

- "The Pessach gift of 200 shekels in gift tokens was a mistake - it should have been 2000."

- "The 10% pay cut we took last year will be compensated by a 20% raise this year."

- "The one raise in 6.5 years we're giving you is not linked to your hours (would have been nice - the 15% rise I did get was actually only about 10% because I only worked 70%)."

- "The seating arrangement we promised when you joined will be immediately implemented (and not take 4.5 years...you won't believe where they wanted to put me at first...really)."

Nah, you know what, it's better that they never did say any of the above...I'm happy to be going, I've got some interesting options lined up, perhaps even my dream job...yes, more to come soon! Even mrs anglosaxy reckons I'm a lucky bastard!

Rejection

Oh dear. The guy with the victory-sign party trick actually turned down Corridor Land at the last minute. Apparently his victory sign did wonders at other interviews and he was hot property. I'm actually quite pleased because the idea of sitting with this guy for a month gave me the absolute willies.

So, my boss is distraught. She now has to go through the whole interview process again. Poor lass. Must be hell being her, really. From one of the richest families in this country, married to the CEO, comes and goes as she pleases...please, please, put your hankies away...

Anyway, I still need a final date, this is becoming way too long and sticky. My motivation is probably in the lowest state it's ever been in at this place, and that's saying something! And all those bugs I planned to leave for the new guy are gonna come back and bite me on the arse very soon if I don't get out of here sharpish!

Pooped

I am pooped. Been a busy few days and everything seems to be happening at the same time. Yesterday morning I even made a list of calls to make and things to do, something I never do. And did that list get completed - actually yes, but every fucker and his dog seemed to be conspiring against me. Everybody wants a piece of the anglosaxy and there just ain't enough to go round...

There are some interesting things going on...I'm preparing for life after Corridor Land (more to come...), while the school in smallsville seems to be blossoming rather nicely. Still haven't sold the school down south, though have two parties pretty much fighting over the scraps. C Land is starting to worry me over the layoff compensation, with complaints that I made mistakes on a 20 page document that had to be edited and converted to a white paper in 4 hours, but fuck them...if they're looking for excuses, they'll find them...

Anyway, loads more to come, and some interesting news on the picture front...and don't forget this week's What the hell am I, still open...