Judo? No mate, family gatherings is the future

Israel got its first Olympic medal yesterday, and only its fifth ever. Nice one Arik, but I suggest lobbying for family gatherings as an Olympic sport. Guaranteed gold.

Prove it

So you Australians, Canadians, New Zealanders, South Africans, and Americans think you can speak English? Bah, humbug! If you're trying to get UK citizenship right now, you're going to have to get a 'designated person' to prove you can speak the mother of all tongues. Though what makes a 'designated person' exactly, nobody - including the Home Office - seems to know... [hat tip to d4d]. Rejection slips have already been passed to a public figure who has been knighted and has lived in Britain for 44 years, and to a 30-year-old Australian writer...

Answer to Israel's Olympic woes

If "family gatherings" were an Olympic sport, the in-laws would be gold medallists. I have to take my hat off to them, they manage to bear each others company more than I thought was humanly possible. Last night they met up yet again for an all-night session, the fourth time in six days. And this is on top of the fact that some of them work in the same family business...just what can they talk about so much? It's not like there is a family crisis looming and it's not even like they sit in front of the TV and cabbage out, they actually t-a-l-k. And talk. And talk. Incredible. 10/10 on those judges' scorecards...

All I can say is 'Thank God' for the sports channel showing England's comfortable win over the Ukraine last night...couldn't have made up a more solid excuse to cop out of this gathering - "It's the Motherland, darling. Football. No contest...".

Piccies

A shot of HaYarkon river beneath one of Tel Aviv's main roads - who can tell me which road? I wanted to get a close up of the graffiti but it was pretty amateurish, so I settled for the slice of sun piercing through...

My second Picture Week (scroll down past the food pics to see my first Picture Week pics) is coming soon...I have some great shots of Tel Aviv that I've taken over the last few weeks.

No discounts at this place

As the pressure builds for Monday's software release, all my documentation issues are nearly resolved. I'm sitting pretty. Not so pretty is the email just sent by the hard-working HR girl, informing us that we don't need to report the 6 days they are forcing us to take as holiday (the place is closing down for 8 days), as these 6 days will be taken automatically. Luverly. I really detest this 'management style'...and not even a sniff of a discount for us serfs, whacked with the full 6 days. Mrs. anglosaxy reckons we should bargain with the bosses, as 'this is the way it's done in Israel', but I don't think it's going to happen...oh well, I guess I'll have to spend some time down the beach. You know how much I hate doing that...

O has the right idea, tomorrow she heads off to Bombay and then a month in the Land of Smiles. At her request I'm giving her a list of places she has to visit, like Chiang Mai, Kanchanaburi (Bridge over the River Kwai) and the Saxophone Club in Bangkok...any of you have any hot tips for Thailand? A favourite island paradise (ahhh, Ko Lanta...)? A charming guest house?

After party

An absolutely spiffing 'interesting' day was had by all. Lots of alcohol, some decent steaks for a change and lots of jumping recklessly into the pool. Our head of IT was even renamed Eli Luzon by the pool compere (who was an annoying bastard, one of those guys who talks and talks and tries to get everyone to join in the 'fun')...he does look a bit like him, especially in his sexy swimming shorts revealing all that white, white flesh. O has just told me that the 17 year old guy she brought with her (this might get complicated: he is her ex-boyfriend's kid brother) wants to be like me when he 'grows up'. He'd obviously been downing those Bacardi Breezers...

Fun, fun, fun

Tomorrow it's the annual office 'Fun Day'. So much fun that mrs. anglosaxy has begged me not to take her...off we trek to a kibbutz swimming pool for a jolly old time. I think the only person who is enthralled by this trip is the HR girl who organized it (well, what else has she had to do in the last 12 months?). This time I can't even get too pissed as I'll have to drive back to Tel Aviv on my own (mmm, maybe I can catch a ride with someone...). The alcohol has always managed to drown any bad thoughts I might have had, just don't know how I'll survive this time, what with all the company bonding talk that will be banded about like nobody's business...I shall have to pace myself extremely well, with a quick dip and a murderously strong coffee before heading home.

Off to the roof shortly to bid farewell to another long-serving employee. They are dropping like flies recently (or could that be rats jumping a sinking ship?)...and despite the recent turnaround in hi-tech jobs, their chairs are still empty.

New world records

In true Olympic spirit, I was in the office at 7.40 this morning, a new world record. On the way in I had to toot the horn quite liberally thanks to a 'sleeper' trying to knock me out of my lane at 90kmh. A new world record for Israeli ineptitude on the roads...and though valiant in my attempt, my tooting failed to break the earliest toot on a Sunday morning world record, that surely will take some beating.

And I appear to be way too early for blogger as this post just can't get published...

Moving on up

Thursday evening we had the pleasure of hosting some of the in-laws. In other words, my 5 day old spaghetti bolognese was reheated (my first ever attempt at bolognese has already reached legendary status, I'm well chuffed!), while the PlayStation was hauled out, and I showed the recently wedded brother-in-law the delights of GTA4 Vice City. I'd almost forgotten how good this game is...I also generated a little DVD presentation of the pics we had taken in Sinai, accompanied by some chillout music. Luverly.

Friday morning we headed up to Binyamina to look at some places to rent. Yep, Binyamina. I know it's a little off the beaten track, but it's got the train link to Tel Aviv, so it's only 30 minutes away...anyway we didn't find something that grabbed us, though what you can get for $700 is pretty amazing. We then headed off to nearby Karkur to see mrs. lights in the distance and the new addition to the family. She's doing great but now I know why the posts have dried up...these little baby beings seem to take up a lot of time and energy...after a quick tour of the area via her husband (cheers D!), we were even more eager to move up to this neck of the woods. What you can get for $700 in Karkur is even more amazing...

Today, it's just too hot to do anything. I wouldn't say no to going down to the beach later, we'll see. Meanwhile, the Premiership season has kicked off and currently on channel 54 they're showing the Spurs v Liverpool game. I'm a little shocked to see that I might have to start paying per game on this new channel, as they are advertising this weekend as 'free'...just what the hell is going on? I can't find anything in English on the Web about this, all I heard at work was a rumour that this was in the offing...I'm paying extra for the sports plus channel as it is, now they expect me to fork out more? If this is the case they can stuff it, I'll just have to find a 'local' where I can get to see the games...or watch some of the Olympics which will surely be flooding the airwaves for the next two weeks.

3 green, 1 black, 1 grey, 1 beige

Out last night for some sushi and ouzo (a refreshing combination) at Kai in Ramat Ha'hayal. Not bad at all, though the place itself lacks a bit in charm if you ask me...the conveyor belt idea is great, the first time I've actually seen this live (I know, I don't go out 'eating' that much). You just pick up a plate that takes your fancy and chomp away. The waitress then tots up your bill according to the plates you've taken (each color has a different price). But then you knew that already. We were out with M, who brought along his cousins from Brazil and another 3 friends. The evening ended at Arcaffe, a coffee bar just down the road. I had to drink a coffee, *shudder*, but don't worry, it was accompanied by a shot of brandy - Israeli brandy, *shudder*.

This morning was spent at the Misrad P'neem (Ministry of Interior). Don't ask. Two hours waiting, then discovering one of the forms I have is a copy only - the original is required of course. That means another future visit. Oh joy. Full story when it gets finalized, you'll be amazed...

Get in line

I thought I'd heard them all but how about this for hutzpah - during a lesson about shopping, my English student was telling me about how he does the weekly shopping at the supermarket. First of all he places his two young children (7 and 9, I think) in the queue at the cashier and then goes around filling his trolley. After 20 minutes or so he returns to the queue, stepping in front of the shoppers who have joined the queue, to join his kids. When confronted by a torrent of abuse, he simply shrugs and tells them to bring their kids and use them in a similar fashion...

I'm not sure exactly what my response would be if that was me in the queue behind those kids, but I can guarantee a few choice expletives...

"A slice of radioactive waste, sir?"

"Good evening Charles, I see today's special is the radioactive mullet...fresh today?"

"That's right sir, our fisherman Benny struck lucky today and managed to land a few biggies."

"Fantastic! I'm being a little presumptuous, but does it come with the cancerous crab legs?"

"Unfortunately not sir. However, I can assure you that the mullet was seen floating downstream on its back, valiantly gasping for breath as Benny plucked it from the water. I can assure you that only the most radioactive ridden fish make it to our kitchen."

"OK, that'll do fine. Oh, you can ignore the green sludge pouring out of my ear. That'll be yesterday's lobster."



Took the above pic a few days ago, as I made my way round HaYarkon park on my bike. I couldn't help wondering if this guy fishing actually took the fish home...

Corridor shenanigans

Haven't given you an update of the recent office warfare - it's been getting chilly round these corridor parts and it ain't down to the air-conditioning...

As O is leaving for India (to meet our sub-contractors - yep, I give them another year and they'll be taking over most of the jobs in this place, including mine) in a couple of weeks, and then from there continues to Thailand for a holiday, her tasks were divided amongst the other corridor inmates. Not to their liking, I'm afraid. Now they'll have to stay on after 4pm and put in a full working day. Quite how O manages to get through her workload, god only knows...(could be something to do with those mini-vodka bottles scattered on the floor...) and her salary is still lower than these guys...Since being given some of O's tasks (on Thursday), one of the inmates has still to make it to the office - she suddenly came over all sweaty and feverish, like you do...

Me, I'm going to miss young O, especially our occasional mid-afternoon beers, but I'm making plans for my own little trip to the East (heaven forbid, without mrs. anglosaxy!), more of which you'll hear about when the t's are crossed and i's are dotted.

Driving in Israel #3,218

Love those fuckers who block junctions. Love 'em to bits. Especially when they can quite clearly see that they have absolutely no chance in hell of making it 'cleanly' through - you know what I mean, those bus/lorry drivers who can see that the junction is gridlocked, but hey, they're no 'friar' (translates to 'suckers' in English), there's no chance they're gonna wait a whole 2 minutes for the next green light, no chance...and then the oncoming lane has absolutely no chance of passing the junction thanks to this considerate soul.

So, 10 drivers start leaning on their horns, everyone gets pissed and it's still only 9am. I personally give a very visible, and very sarcastic, round of applause, but hardly ever will the driver blink my way. Are they embarrassed at their actions or just immune to the anger and frustration directed their way? With the average Israeli adamant that they will never be a 'friar', I have to lean towards the immune factor...

Hot stuff

Was it me, or was it just completely disgusting out there today? Would have been more pleasant to sit in a sauna...just crossing the road to get to work brought a sweat to my brow and that familiar trickle down my back. I'm not sure how humid it was today, but tomorrow it's expected to reach at least 70% in Tel Aviv. Luverly.

Crystal ball time

OK lads, send the wife shopping, lock the dog outside and shuttle the kids off to the in-laws...happiness is just around the corner. The new football season. Starts next weekend, though we have the annual Community Shield tomorrow to bore us silly...I thought I'd get some of my predictions down, just so that I can bleat a hearty "Told you so" come May...and after my Euro 2004 predictions, you'd better take this seriously...

Community Shield winners: Who cares? As a gooner I have to go with Arsenal, but this is a pointless game. The gaggle of Manure fans at the office (I'm alone in my support of London's finest) will undoubtedly harp on about their 'superior' team if they manage to win, but we all know the best team out there, don't we...

Premiership winners: Well, Arsenal of course. Second: Manure. Third: Chelski. Monumental upheavings, as you can see.

Surprise team of the season: I think Norwich might surprise one or two people. And quite possibly Middlesborough, with some of the signings they have made this summer.

Relegation candidates: Crystal Palace and West Brom are going straight back down. And if they're not careful, Everton or Portsmouth will join them.

Players to watch: David Bentley (Norwich, on loan from Arsenal), Mateja Kezman (Chelski), and Cisse (Liverpool).

"I'm going to report you!"

Beach report: crowded, sandy, sunny, no jellyfish, sea - full of shit (quite literally...)

In-laws report: crowded, noisy, air-conditioned, no jellyfish - though one mother-in-law at large. Early escape completely justified.

Beer report (from last night): crowded (Leo Blooms), noisy, air-conditioned, Kilkenny - smooth as silk.

A Sinai adventure

Warning: Long, long post!

It was an early start - we got up at around 6, drank some coffee, took Z for a walk and stuffed the rest of our belongings hurriedly into our bags. I won't mention that my bag was half the size of mrs. anglosaxy's. Must be something to do with her being the 'fairer sex'...

Anyway, we drove over to momma and poppa anglosaxy's place, where the coach taking us down to the border soon arrived. 55 of us piled in; the other 30 or so guests were making their own way down to Eilat. After a few minutes, I soon wished I had chosen that independent route. Christ, Israelis certainly know how to talk...and talk...and talk...and hop from seat to seat...if it wasn't for the shots of ouzo being passed down the coach, I have doubts whether all 55 passengers would have survived the journey with all limbs intact.

On the way to Eilat, we drove down through Mitzpeh Ramon, a giant crater in the middle of the Negev desert with impressive views. The pictures below were taken from the coach so they are not of the best quality...





Well, Eilat came and went, time for the Egyptian border crossing. All I can say is: extremely hot and time consuming. The panic over the excessive amounts of alcohol we carried through was allayed by the mere wave of a hand from the guys checking the bags via x-ray. The only things that were confiscated were some fireworks brought by the father of the bride. Not a wise thing to try and bring through a border, but a valiant attempt anyway...

After taking a couple of pictures of the tribe trekking through the final border checkpost, as shown in the pic below, an Egyptian soldier angrily babbled something at me, pointing at my camera. The only word I made out was 'kalabush', Arabic for prison. Uh-oh. Fortunately he broke into a smile and started laughing. Funny bastard.



After getting on our bus to Nuweiba, we continued onwards and southwards, accompanied by loud, loud, Arabic ballads thanks to our considerate driver. After around an hour, and with the lilting Arab ballads still ringing in our ears, we arrived at our hotel, the Nuweiba Village Resort. First impressions: impressive, especially for Sinai. But I wasn't that interested in the room, I just wanted to jump in the sea. I grabbed mrs. anglosaxy and we ran down to the beach, hand-in-hand, frollicking in the surf. OK, I made that bit up, she headed for the pool, I went to the beach all alone (about 50 metres away...). Here she is, showing how much she adores me...



The rest of the evening was spent eating, drinking beers and ogling at a beautiful belly dancer (apparently she was Russian). Everyone crashed out early, it had been a long 10 hour drive down.

The next morning, I took a walk around the place, snapping a couple of pics of the beach. Nice, eh?





The day was spent hopping between the pool and the beautiful Red Sea. The snorkelling here is great, you have to go out to the edge of the reef to see something worthwhile, but it's definetly worth it. I am so in awe at the beauty of the coral reefs and fish, simply amazing...I shall have to do a diving course one day...

As the evening drew nearer, we had to get dolled up for the wedding. I played it cool, with a nice shirt, shorts and flip-flops, mrs. anglosaxy was a stunner. You'll just have to take my word for it. As the ouzo flowed once again, the huppa was raised and the ceremony started. And yes, there was a rabbi (Reform), though officially the marriage will not be recognized by the Israeli rabbinate. Let's not go there...The wedding was great, lots of dancing, lots of alcohol and some good food (surprisingly good for Sinai). A few people got chucked into the pool, including yours truly, but it was all good.

Anyway, a shot of the happy couple:



Saturday, Sunday and Monday were pretty similar tales: breakfast, pool, sea, beers, sea, dinner, pool. Sunday night was a little more special because it was momma anglosaxy's 60th birthday. I commandeered the beach bar and persuaded them to stick some dance music on. Before long there were some 20 of us getting on down, while on the dancefloor I plied everyone with drink to keep the party spirit flowing...what the fuck, it was our last night, I even gave momma anglosaxy a peck on the cheek...unfortunately there is photographic evidence of this incident, I shall never live it down...

As I wrap this tale up, I'd like to give a hand to a special friend who stuck by my side over the 4-5 days in Sinai. Without his assistance none of the above would have been possible. Take it away, Sakara...

Still catching up

Pics and stories of Sinai on the way, just haven't stopped since getting back on Monday night.

Last night I rushed home from the corridor of hell to cook up some lesson plans and prepare some rice. Or was that the other way round...? Then headed out to Rosh Ha'ayin for my weekly sessions. Got plied with pizza. Tough being 'teach' sometimes...back late.

This morning it's back to the corridor yet again (isn't there always a price to pay for enjoying a few days off?). Got a pile of work to get through because of an impending release. At least I'm enjoying the likes of The Departures, Evil 9, Nine Black Alps and The Libertines filtering through my headphones (cheers to Expat/Cathy for the link to the BBC Radio site) via the legendary John Peel (blimey, I remember listening to him late-night in the late 80's) and some DJ called Lamacq (who has some cracking tunes, mostly small indie bands). Some, no need to mention names, might say I'll grow out of it and start listening to classical music, I know that just ain't gonna happen...

Back to reality

Back in town, no time today, loads of stuff to do including work and some English lessons, big post coming soon with some pics. Need a summary? 10 hour drive down, sea, pool, sea, pool, beers, snorkel, snorkel, snorkel, lots of sun, 8 hour return journey. Oh, and a small wedding (yes, complete with rabbi) squeezed in amongst all those goodies.