No limp wrists here

Back in t'office today, what joy. Can't wait for the day to finish, as later I'm off to see Troy with me old mate 'M'. There is the distinct possibility of a beer or 2 afterwards...Two guys going to see a movie together (mrs. anglosaxy is studying tonight and M has 2 freebie tickets). Nothing wrong with that. Is there?

Driving in Israel

OK, this has been in the pipeline for a good few months, though yesterday's journey on the streets of Tel Aviv proved the icing on the cake...I've decided to give you a list of all the issues that you will undoubtedly face when driving in this country. Hats off to any blog/website that may have covered this topic in depth, I did a search but the only thing of any note that I came across was this amazingly short and accurate guide to Driving Etiquette in Israel, from the BBC no less...and check this hilarious opening paragraph from the Israeli Police website about driving tips; there surely is some tongue firmly planted in cheek here...isn't there?:

Driving a car is a complex task, demanding coordination, keen senses, concentration, and alertness. While driving, the driver processes a great deal of information, both in operating his vehicle (accelerating, slowing down, turning, etc.) and in studying the surroundings (traffic lights, pedestrians, junctions, other vehicles, etc.).

Anyway, straight to my little list:

< blood boiling >

1. Blocking junctions: I love those kind, considerate drivers that block junctions during rush hour. Don't they get it that they are bringing traffic to a complete standstill? But hey, give them some credit, the light was green 2 minutes ago. And while we're still in the credit department, trying to establish a new world record in seeing just how close they can get to the car in front without actually touching is actually much harder than it looks...

2. Toot yer horn: "All together now, der der der da da! All together now, der der der da da!" Perhaps I'm underrating the typical Israeli driver's instinct and perceptive skills, but it never ceases to amaze me how the driver 10 cars back knows that the light is going to change from red to amber...

3. Indication: There is definitely some kind of inbuilt aversion to using the indicator. I especially love it when you are waiting at a junction/roundabout and a procession of cars turn at the junction at which you are waiting. All of them. I waited at the roundabout next to my house this morning: 13 cars turned, 12 didn't indicate. And ever noticed that when you indicate to move into the next lane, the driver who you intend to move in front of puts his/her foot down to close the gap into which you are trying to move? "What??!! Are you trying to move in front of me?? No chance! I'm no sucker!"
We can now safely add the word "courteous" to the string of adjectives not applicable to Israeli drivers...

4. Taxi drivers: Well, I could write a page or two of juicy items, but I'm going to stick with my own personal favourite: Ever noticed that whenever a taxi is going dead slow he seems to have a passenger? Could it be that he is trying to milk a few extra shekels out of his fare as he slows down to a crawl at every junction/traffic light? How dare I assume the worst...? In contrast, you can safely assume that a taxi driving full pelt is fareless...sit back and watch as the taxi driver seeks out his next fare in complete disregard for others on the road. I'm sure the taxi missions on GTA4 were modelled on Israeli taxi drivers.

5. Stealing a few metres: I have a special fondness for those rush hour drivers that move into the run off lane/emergency lane to steal a few more metres. I get to see this so many times at La Guardia (heading southwards) though I'm sure it's prevalent throughout Israel. This little driving manouevre makes me want to become a policeman...a nice blue shirt with handcuffs dangling from my belt would suit me so well. "Excuse me sir, would you mind explaining why you were driving in the emergency lane? I can't locate any flashing lights on your roof. Let's call it 750 shekels and I'll even give you a break from driving if you insist on being funny."

6. Merging lanes: Dear oh dear. You have to agree, merging two lanes into one is a very tricky task. The mentality of the Israeli driver ensures that he/she will tailgate the driver in front, so as to ensure that noone can move in front of them. It's a war out there and noone wants to lose. As a result, two lanes that should slowly merge into one become gridlocked.

7. Lane control: Fast lane? Ah, OK, that means I can go extra slow and even appear oblivious to the cars flashing headlights behind me. I pay my taxes (just don't mention the wife's 'part-time' job...) so I'm entitled to drive in whichever lane I choose.

8. Anticipation: I was taught to anticipate the road ahead. This means you look ahead, not just the next 10 metres, but at least the next 100...It always astounds me how many drivers fail to see the tractor/taxi picking up a fare/parked lorry ahead until the last second. Then, without indicating of course, they suddenly cutin in front of you...

9. Scooters: Walking on eggshells here, what with the scooter parked outside. As a scooter rider for a number of years in Israel, I have to say it's dodgy out there (I've had a nasty tumble on my bike. Painful.), what with all the above points. But my issue here is the 50cc guys who insist on driving on the motorway. These guys travel at a hefty 60-70kmh, so basically take over a lane. These 50cc guys are not allowed on the motorway. Not allowed - ah, "not allowed", a concept completely foreign to the Israeli driver...

< / blood boiling >

Nice wheels

Today mrs. anglosaxy and I spent a few good hours finally acquiring our new wheels, his and hers models. Have to say, the service we received at the hands of Matzman, one of the most respected dealers in Israel, sucked...if we didn't personally know the owner, who arrived when we were leaving, we would have been totally f**ked. I suggest a nice little sales seminar for his staff, similar to the ones where you get to fathom out your company's power positions...
A large part of the rest of the day was spent showing the good lady how to change gears and how to pedal - it's been a good few years since mrs. anglosaxy last got 'on her bike'.

Power Positioning

Just had a very interesting meeting where this company's "power positions" were discussed. Who are they kidding? I was trying desperately hard not to smile as the only power position I could think of is how good they are at ****ing their employees...

You know you are a true child of the 80's when...

You owned, or wanted a "Frankie says..." T-shirt.

You have ever danced (or even worse cried) to Kylie & Jason.

You remember when the A-Ha video was the pinnacle of modern technology, and you can still sing all the words.

You ever owned a thin, black leather tie (and were proud of it), or worse it was patterned like a piano.

You wondered why a popular kids TV programme told you to "Turn off your TV set and go and do some less boring instead".

You wanted to be either Nancy Drew or the Hardy Boys.

You ever said "It's my ball, and if I can't be Kevin Keegan (I wanted to be Liam Brady) I'm going home!"

You have ever po-goed or space-hopped.

You remember when Keith Chegwin & Maggie Philbin were the hottest romantic couple.

You ever had more than 10 sweets in a 10p mix-up.

Not only did you wear luminous clothing, but they were mismatched fingerless gloves and towelling socks.

You remember when Betamax was at the cutting edge of technology.

Conveyor belts regularly carried washing machines, deep-fat fryers and a cuddly toy.

(Girls) You owned a pair of Pixie Boots, generally worn with leg warmers.
(Boys) You owned a pair of pale grey slip-ons, generally worn with white towelling socks.

You rolled the sleeves of your suit jacket up.

You went to school with Pogo Patterson, Gripper Stebson, and Ro-land.

You remember Look In magazine, and when it was only 20p.

You wondered why you and your mates never encountered diamond thieves whilst out on your BMXs.

Your best mate had a soda stream at home and you were jealous.

Bloated

Last night's Shavout meal was pretty fantastic, the in-laws did a fine job. Thought I'd get your mouths watering with a few pics...there were many other tasty dishes, all home made, that didn't get photographed because I was busy stuffing my face...

Some sushi for starters, followed by balls of goats cheese, covered with various spices, then some cheese barakas (pastries), a cold cucumber, garlic and parsley soup, mini corn pancakes, a flan of some sort and finally a tasty lasagne (before the onslaught).

Mumbo jumboed

Well, I have to say, I was quietly impressed with the guy who read our astrological charts, palms and anything else he could get his hands on. He came up with some very spot-on assumptions and gave us both some tips and ideas to mull over. I'm not a believer in all this spiritual crap, but he managed to hit the nail on the head in a number of places (this guy is one of the best apparently...). He won't be changing the course of my life, but he's made me think over a few things, which I guess was the idea...

Anyway, here on planet Earth, Shavu'ot kicks in tonight, another nice little holiday with loads of cheesecake. I'm off for a bike ride to get myself all sweaty, then a shower, then some beers, then over to the in-laws for a real party. Oh momma.

Hi-speed English mumbo-jumbo

How many of you out there in Israel have a high-speed Internet connection? For all I know I might be the last to catch on, but my pal Kinky (don't ask...) has come across a solution to decrease the monthly outlay, almost by half (I bet you're paying both Bezeq and an Internet provider, right?). I'm in the middle of a series of phone calls with Bezeq (national phone company) and Yes (satellite TV operator) but if it does happen I'll let you know...

Nothing much going on today, apart from three lessons in Rosh Ha'ayin tonight, accompanied by the ever-present bottle of Southern Comfort. The student who plies me with the stuff said that he wants to know English by the time we finish the bottle...as the bottle now stands almost empty, I'm going to have to top it up with water when he's not looking...or come up with some other cunning plan.

I have an interesting meeting tomorrow with a 'personal organiser', one of those professionals who determines whether the time is right for career decisions and other such stuff through mumbo-jumbo numerology and astrological charts and, believe it or not, palm reading. Can't believe I'm going...

Post BBQ

First things first, no pictures today, so if you're coming via Lights, you'll have to scroll down a little bit...

I'm definitely of the belief that 'the office' should be outlawed on a Sunday morning, especially after a few beers, kebabs and giant dollops of ice cream the evening before (< grumble > Congratulations to Manure on their Cup victory ... < / grumble >). Never been a big fan of this Jewish working week. Sunday morning at the office? Blasphemy!

Got a lunch appointment with Oks'v'anna, so I have a feeling the alcohol will continue to flow. Never mind, the boss is on holiday, so the mice are already out playing...people have already been calling in 'sick' (well shiver me timbers, that was totally unexpected...).

UPDATE: Ahhhhh...lunch on the beach is a bit of a winner...especially when the table in front is occupied by the extremely gorgeous Romi (scroll down to the 2nd, 3rd and 4th pictures), in a bikini...

Cup Final BBQ

Today, as is tradition in the anglosaxy household, is Cup Final BBQ day. That means a few friends round for beers and kebabs. Unfortunately, this year it's Man United ('Manure' as they will be henceforth named) against Millwall, a David and Goliath battle which means we are taking the side of Millwall, slings in hand...plus the odd Tuborg...

Picture Week closes today with a pic of young Z, daring you to even think about supporting Manure in the Cup Final battle...

Can't miss 'em!

As a contrast to yesterday's ancient port of Jaffa, Picture Week continues with 2 pictures that are very familiar to those of us driving into Tel Aviv from the North. These are giant advertising posters covering one 7 storey (I think) and one 12 storey building. I actually used to work in the building covered by the Jeans ad, though left there before they started to put these posters up. Mrs. anglosaxy is always impressed and she works in the poster and printing business, so take it from me, they must really be impressive...One day I'll try and grab a picture from a distance to show just how much they really stand out on the Tel Aviv skyline.

Jaffa

As promised, a little taster of Old Jaffa. I had the scooter earlier this week and had a few things to sort out, but managed to squeeze in a quick visit to the narrow lanes of Jaffa. Felt like a tourist, camera in hand...transported me back to my first days in Israel. I think I visited Jaffa on my second day here, and within a month I was doing my bestest (I know...) Israeli paratrooper impression around the backstreets, M-16 in hand (I was an extra in a movie called 'Pour Sacha'...40 shekels a day, plus food!). Jaffa is well worth a visit, just a shame tourism is dead at the moment...

First two shots are some quaint little lanes in Old Jaffa, the next two are shots of the Tel Aviv skyline, as viewed from Jaffa, while the last shot is from Tel Aviv beach, complete with ice-cream seller and Jaffa in the background:

Night time pic

Continuing my picture week is a night time shot of the Ayalon freeway, complete with traffic jam, with the Diamond Exchange in the background. Only one shot, the others didn't come out so well...

Tomorrow, Jaffa.

Rainbow plucking instruments

For all those brought up on Rainbow (Oh-ooh Geoffrey!) back in the UK, this little clip might shatter all those cuddly, warm childhood memories...

Picture week

I've decided to deluge you with pictures this week, just to prove there is more to Israel than just Rafah house demolitions, the dismantling of illegal settlements, and returning billionairesses (yawn).

So below are more pictures of the beach in Tel Aviv, during Sunday's sunset drinkiepoos. Did anyone catch last night's (Monday) sunset, pretty bloody amazing!
Tomorrow I might astonish you with some pictures of Jaffa...then again, it might be the delightful Rosh Ha'ayin as I'm off there later this evening for 3 lessons...

Oh I do like to be beside the seaside

As I sit in my corridor, all alone because my other inmates are at the mind boggingly inspiring sales seminar, I'm fantasising I'm back on the beach, watching the sun set with mrs. anglosaxy by my side, sipping a beer, while getting motivated by the numerous surfers out riding the waves. I'm sure I wasn't designed for working in an office (or corridor), there's something completely invigorating about watching the sea that really makes me want to hand in my resignation...

So for all those office-confined readers, these 2 pictures are for you, taken yesterday by yours truly. First one is at Frishman beach in Tel Aviv, second one at Herzliya (just north of Tel Aviv).

Should have known better

OK, OK, so I should have known better. When the leasing company called me on Friday, I was perhaps naive in believing that my car really was on its way back...So, 2 days later, it has finally turned up. Perhaps acknowledging that they f*cked up, they even washed it...aahh, bless 'em.

Later today, pedal power is set to take over the anglosaxy household. We are going to buy 2 new bikes, his and hers. Mrs. anglosaxy has long professed her fantasy to cycle in to work every morning (pretty lame fantasy, eh? Never mind...)

Immortal

"We are invincible, we are invincible!"

"I can't believe we drank that much!"

Last night we went over to mrs. anglosaxy's brother for a slice of barbeque. Very nice. Had to stifle a laugh when, on leaving, her brother held up 3 empty bottles of wine in total awe. And no, it wasn't all my own work, but I had a fair part to play...there were 7 of us and, of course, it was one of the other guests who set the pace. Me, I was just being polite in keeping up with him...

Hit list # 1

"Baby come back!" I chirped in my best Eddy Grant impression, as the leasing company informed me that my car is on its way back to me. That means I can start listening to my compilation CD once again (which I had left in the car, thinking that it would be back the same day...I never learn).

For those of you interested, and I know you all are, below is a rundown of just what has been popping my cork the last few days. Just a word of warning, I was very tough during the compiling process, only British bands between 2000 and 2004 made it to the playlist (sorry Britney!):

1. Great opening from a band who have it all: The Darkness with "I believe in a thing called love".
2. Continuing in the catchy rock theme: The Cult with "Nico".
3. Thought it was about time I gave some unknowns their big break: The Music with "Human".
4. Another fairly unknown band, who had a smallish hit with this pounding beast: A (yes, they are called "A") with "Nothing" (couldn't find a link for them).
5. A very familiar tune now, especially for followers of the Fox adverts on Israeli TV (you know, the one with Yael Bar Zohar and whats-his-face, where the whole advert is filmed backwards): Placebo with "Special Needs".
6. OK, so Britney kind of makes it onto the playlist, with this acoustic, live (you even hear the crowd laughing), and much improved version of her first hit: Travis with "Baby one more time".
7. Time for some classic pop rock from up North: The Doves with "There goes the fear" (probably my favourite track on the disk).
8. Easily one of the catchiest tunes on the radio over the last couple of months: Franz Ferdinand with "Take me out".
9. Always place for these legends: Depeche Mode with a track from the Exciter album, "Shine".
10. Yes, even poppy, dancy tunes make it to the list: Kosheen with "All in my head".
11. What, another poppy, dancy tune?: Groove Armada with "Suntoucher" (try stopping your fingers from tapping to this one when driving, I dare you...).
12. One of my heroes from the 80's and still going strong: Dave Gahan, the lead singer of Depeche Mode with his first solo effort "Dirty Sticky Floors".
13. A band who have been hyped up way too much, but this is the only song that is worth its mustard: The Streets with "Let's push things forward".
14. A second helping of The Doves with "Pounding".
15. One of the biggest bands around now, this was their first hit, some 4 years ago: Coldplay with "Yellow".
16. This just about made it onto the list, a little too soothing for this list maybe, but a great song: David Gray with "Babylon".
17. Closing with a second helping of The Darkness with "Love is only a feeling".

For details on how to order your copy, please contact me at: anglosaxy@makeyourowncdyoulazygit.com.

How did I manage that?

Really not sure how, but my boss called me yesterday to let me know I don't have to come in to a seminar they are having on Sunday morning. I'd already resigned myself to the fact that I'd have to go, even though it was a sales seminar (another completely irrelevant meeting that will waste my time...). It's at the Sheraton, so I thought WTF, I'll pretend like I'm listening for a couple of hours, scoff some appetisers and beat a hasty exit. But no, the powers that be have decided to relieve me of this burden. I'm 100% positive it's down to budgetary reasons, once they saw there was alcohol on the menu they knew I'd be an expensive participant...

Burning rubber

Nasty business in Gaza yesterday. I've seen the pics and they ain't nice...I'm not going to delve into this but how can the absolute bloodlust these Palestinians show be justified? Peace in the Middle East? Yeh, right...[nice post from my old mate 'lights', for those of you interested in reading more].

Anyway...finally got a replacement car yesterday, 8.30 in the evening. After about 20 phone calls from different reps (pretty much a case of the right hand not having a clue what the left hand is up to: "OK sir, your car was stolen, right? Ah, OK, they only broke into your car..." - do these people even bother to read what is on the computer screen in front of them?), I was getting pretty pissed with them. So, lots of sharp, speedy handbrake turns have been the order of the day while I wait for the next round of phone calls...just love the smell of burning rubber...

I've also been following this divorce case (not that I have any aspirations of this kind...) on the go in Blighty right now, and, maybe it's because I'm a Gooner, but isn't she pushing her luck just a little bit? I'm on your side, Romford Pele!

On yer bike!

Well, thanks to the ever-efficient boys and girls at the leasing company, I have gone on a health initiative to outdo all others...yep, I'm still waiting for my 4-wheeler to return, so in the meantime, my bike (yep, bicycle) has been seeing some action.

It's now over 36 hours since I last drove, since I last heard my favourite CD blasting out (the Darkness have been replaced by an amazing anglosaxy compilation, nearly all of which are legal rips/downloads, honest guv...), or since I last swore at an annoyingly bad Israeli driver. My bike has provided the wheels, and to tell you the truth, I'm quite enjoying it, especially the bit where I get to cruise through red lights...

This morning it was a job for mrs. anglosaxy's scooter, as I didn't fancy cycling to work from Hadar Yosef to South Tel Aviv. With mrs. anglosaxy hanging on for her life, it was great to weave in and out of the snarled traffic with the wind in my hair, er, ok, whistling around my ears! As you can tell, it's been a while since I last rode the scooter (a 50cc monster!).

Anyway, I won't bore you with all the crap the leasing company are giving me, suffice to say that my car is still waiting to be fixed while they wait for their system to go live again to check that they have received my faxes...and you know what, I can wait, it's almost enjoyable having a break from that metal box we all seem to regard as an essential part of our lives.

Nice try, you thieving b'stard!

B'stards! After having a late-night chat with momma and poppa anglosaxy (the in-laws...), I returned to the car to find it in pieces. Well, not exactly in pieces, but some smartass had decided to have a go at stealing the on-board computer (What do they do with these computers? Surely, once it has been cancelled by the leasing company it must have a very short shelf-life? Is it really worth all that hassle and risk?). That meant the casing around the steering wheel had to go, while the flooring below the glove box has been ripped up. Me, I was a little slow (it was 1am...) in fathoming out just what had happened. I sat puzzled for a few seconds, holding some of the steering casing in my hand and thinking to myself: "What the f*ck is this?" After realizing what had happened, I even turned to the back seats, expecting to see some snarling, baraclava-clad (Ed: ok, how could you tell he was snarling if he was donning a baraclava?) car thief, pliers in hand...There was a split second of fear, but once I realized my life wasn't in immediate danger, I relaxed.

Now the fun kicks in. The damage caused to the car doesn't really bother me (I'm sure it would if it was my car, and not leased), and nothing was stolen, it's all the red tape that I have to go through to satisfy the leasing company...who require at least 5 run-throughs before they are happy thay have all the details. After getting some zzzzzzzs, I was rudely awakened by the leasing company engineer (you know they say they'll come between 8 and 12, well, just for once, I managed to get the 8 o'clock wakeup call). He, of course, decided that it wasn't his job, and called the garage to come up and pick it up. It's now 10.45, and they've just taken the car. Now it's the turn of the police, who really don't want to know. This is going to be one long day...

Not one of my students

How did they explain this to the parents?

Those were the days

If you used a Sinclair Spectrum in the 80's (me, I was a Commodore kid) this will bring back some memories.

The streets are safe

Saturday means Shabbat, which means, amongst other things, no public transportation. Which means that us Tel Avivies are temporarily spared from the onroad shenanigans of those pillars of society, bus drivers. As I was bombing around on my bike this afternoon, I spotted a sight that might bring a collective sigh from all those who have suffered at the hands of bus drivers...All parked up and nowhere to go - altogether now: aaaahhhhh.

Friday Edition

Instead of drinking a few beers tonight (Friday), I opted for a few beers last night, sitting on Gordon beach in Tel Aviv with the sand between my toes. It was just myself and 'M', no fussy females. We had a laugh, swapping all sorts of stories, you know, travels, women, work, women, and, er, women. Is it me or do the really crappy drivers come out at night? And that's saying something for Israel, believe me...I felt like I was in the midst of this real-life video game.

Yesterday I went to check out the very promising premises in Tel Aviv. Only one problem - the real estate magnate had left the keys to the place at his office. So I managed to peek through the windows. Very satisfying, as you can imagine. Of course, I tried again this morning, but he had left the keys at home and was on his way to the Dead Sea. A real pro. As a result, I've been checking out newspapers and the Web most of the day, though most of the good places always seem to be taken. I'll get there in the end. Also managed to squeeze in some delicately grilled liver with fresh, home-made humus at Matilda, just down the road. Very tasty, though it probably helped that I hadn't eaten all day...

Tip for Yasser

We don't like getting all political here at anglosaxy, but we would like to pass on this little message to Mr. Yasser Arafat: If you build it, they will come...

I'm apparently quite tasty

Two evenings ago I left the door open, and when I settled down for some late-night TV, I was attacked by kamikaze mosquitos. This wasn't the first sighting of the evil flying machines in the past few weeks - I turn on a mosquito repellant every night - but this was the first time I'd been targeted for special treatment.

I managed to take out at least one of those bad boys with the old surprise 'hand clap' manouever, but these things generally travel in pairs at the very least and, sure enough, when I woke up yesterday morning I had a couple of suspicious red marks on my arm. A few hours later and they were doing a fair job of getting on my nerves by itching every 5 seconds, while I tried to stop scratching myself raw. "Don't scratch it" they say, yeh, right...I'll be waiting for you tonight, boys, gonna get me one of those electric repellants that zaps the living crap out of them...

Today's proceedings

Going for an executive business lunch (pita with humus) with mrs. anglosaxy later today. We shall be checking over a certain premises to see whether it can cut the mustard as a mini-English school. I want to get a 'feel' for the place, if you know what I mean. My business 'guru' is against this place, so it has already got a fight on its hands to stake a claim on my heart (perhaps that should be head?). I'll take some pictures and see if I can win myself over. If not, then I'll be looking for a place to rent, probably somewhere central like Givatayim or Ramat Gan, as close to Tel Aviv as I can get without actually dipping my toes in...

Before I forget, a hearty 'Mazal Tov' to Rino and Shlotim, who are expecting their first. About bloody time, I say...Eh? Us? Er, yeh, we're still practising...

O Ye of little faith

For those of you who didn't quite believe my story yesterday, about Bill and Stevie, yes, mrs. anglosaxy really did run off some business cards for both of them. It quite possibly didn't happen exactly how I described, but nevertheless...

Bill (allegedly) and Steve were in town...

A true story (well, artistically enhanced a little...).

Let me set the scene for you: Yesterday. The lobby of a plush Tel Aviv hotel. Bill Gates and Steve Ballmer of Microsoft are in town for a quick visit.

Bill Gates: "Shit, Steve, did you happen to bring some of my business cards with you?"

Steve Ballmer: "Hey Bill! Nice haircut! Hang on a sec, me old mate, I'll have a look..."

Bill Gates: "You'll save my bacon if you've got a few spare.... I was playing with my Playstation, er, I mean X-box, last night and I forgot to pack some for today's flight to Israel. You know how pedantic those Israelis are about business cards..."

Steve Ballmer: "Holy cow! I'm sorry me old china, I don't have any of yours OR MINE! What are we gonna do?"

Bill Gates: [sobs heartily]

Steve Ballmer: [thinks to himself: This could be a job for mrs. anglosaxy] Don't worry Bill, I think I have the answer. I'm not just a pretty face..."

Bill Gates: [laughs heartily]

Steve Ballmer: [slides off to a corner and takes out his mobile, frantically punching in a series of numbers] "Er, mrs. anglosaxy, your highness, sorry to trouble you, but do you think you could possibly help us out? This is Steve Ballmer of Microsoft, I know you only work with [whisper] Mac, but me and Bill are in town and are stuck without any business cards. Please, please, please help us out, just a few will do!"

Mrs. anglosaxy: "Micro-who? Go on then, you caught me on a good day. I'll have to stiff you a hefty bill, of course..."

Steve Ballmer: [overcome with relief] "OH MY GOD! You are too good to be true! Bill, it's alright...Bill?" [scans the lobby for Bill Gates, who is exiting the lobby a distraught man] "BILL! Hang on!"

Bill Gates: [wiping his eyes] "It's no good, Steve. I'll never live it down. How could I let it happen? I, I'm going back home. Just don't let them know I was here as well..."

Steve Ballmer: [on his knees, hands in air, emotions raging] "BILL, don't do this do to me! I don't want to be photographed with that Bibi fella alone! You bastard!"

Bill Gates: [walks dramatically off into the sunset...]

For proof that Steve Ballmer was here without Bill Gates, see this. For proof that mrs. anglosaxy printed out business cards for both Steve and Bill, well, you'll just have to take my word for it...

Very strange

Very strange. It almost feels good to be back in the office today. Must be those lilting Bob Marley tunes coming from O's speakers. Yah man!

Very strange. It seems that Brits themselves have chosen a plate of fish and chips and Yorkshire pudding as the definitive British images. Old Liz could only make it into third spot...

Very strange. There are stories of calls for early elections after Sharon's defeat in yesterday's disengagement poll. Who would possibly have thought it...? And that Peres would popup once more? Completely out of the blue that one.

Very strange. Yesterday's relegation of Leeds from the Premiership (sorry bruv...). A quick read of their rise and fall and it suddenly doesn't seem so strange. How not to manage a football club...

Very strange. Nobody seems to be voting in my 'Favourite Holiday' poll...

Post-pizza

Puff. Wheeze. I've just been refitting the bedroom carpet that was dry-cleaned last week. That'll be the last time we send it - it took me over an hour to move all the furniture when I had to lift it up, and now over an hour to relay it, after moving all the furniture yet again. The carpet weighs a ton...at least it has burnt off some of that pizza I scoffed both Friday and Saturday night (ok, yes, I confess, yesterday we watched the game with M and L, was quite a laugh, though that was probably down to the complete pasting Tel Aviv gave the cheeky Italian chappies and the resulting festive mood after such a convincing performance from an Israeli sports team - it doesn't happen too often...).

Talking of burning off some of that pizza, I've taken temporary charge of a new mode of transport...see below. I'm thinking of dragging Z along with me when I take him for a walk/run. I've got to get back in shape, I really felt sore for a couple of days after that football session last week. So if I'm going to suffer, I might as well bring the dog along to sweat it off with me...where is mrs. anglosaxy I hear you cry, why isn't she taking part in this new health initiative? Her excuse is that she is still trying to find a bike her size...er, right.

Final fourdom, part II

The helicopters are buzzing overhead, that can only mean the final of the Final Four is about to start. The nation holds its breath...

Meanwhile, back at the anglosaxy compound, it's been a boring day of business plans and designing a website - mrs. anglosaxy has been designing some cracking stuff! I'm well impressed. Last night's pool session has obviously given somebody some inspiration, or could it be the 1am family-sized pizza that was wolfed down by the two of us...?