Wednesday, October 31, 2007


October has been a slog. I don't think I've ever worked so hard in all my life...I ain't bitching, but seriously, it was a toughie. Apart from the 70% position at the new Corridor Land (let's call it Open Spacey and yes, I've actually put in some work!), I've also been getting much busier at the school, which, only this last week has been getting help from a great Teach. I also took on a freelance writing job, through a friend, which is just about done but which should pull in some nice bucks. I was also lined up to take some more pix for the mag I shot for a few weeks back, but thank Christ that got cancelled...

My old pal O asked me if I am greedy - I don't think so, I just saw the freelance job as some easy money, which it has been, if I get for the school, that's my main concern at the moment, and if I want it to grow I will only get busier. Open Spacey is my main income but I have no sentiments and no real intention of making it a career, so, for now, it's bacon on the table, as they say...

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

But yes, I'll be cashing the cheque, thank you very much

Had a bit of an earful from a mother last week. She seemed a tad disappointed that her son didn't pass a test at school. Her son has some serious LD issues, which I said I'd try and see if I might be able to overcome. But I couldn't. I did try, I was very patient, and he enjoyed the lessons, but he needs expert help.

But his mum was pissed, she seemed to think that the last 3 months were a waste of time. Frankly, after one lesson when chatting with me and revealing that he won't let her see the homework I gave him (and which he hardly ever did), I think she's the one who's been a waste of time...never mind, I think my lesson from this is not to take on everybody and anybody.

Her custom is gone, but the cheque will be banked this week. I was almost tempted to rip it up because of my morals, innit, but fuck it, I tried, I worked hard with this kid. The money is mine. No?

Monday, October 29, 2007

Saturday, October 27, 2007

5 in 3

Yep, I've had 5 little beauties in three months.

It started all Japanese-like with a real little goer, but then I was seduced by the charms of an Italian, who, despite being "mature", still had plenty to offer. Easy to control too...before a fling with a temperamental French filly brought me back down to earth. This week I had a little affair with a Malaysian lass, what can I say, despite my fetish for all things Asian, she was a little boring. And now, finally, someone with whom I can speak English - an American babe, actually ex-Brit, or perhaps not, I'm not really sure...

Mrs anglosaxy got to meet them all, by the way, she was rather fond of the French filly, silly girl...

Thursday, October 25, 2007

I can just tell...

This probably sounds ravingly racist, and tarring with brushes-like, but I've had it with the Yemenite population of smallsville. After my recent ad-fest, I've had a number of calls, some from the old part of smallsville which is largely populated by Yemens. Now if I tell you, for those of you who don't know, that Yemens in Israel are about as renowned for splashing the cash as those tight-fisted Scots, it might give you an inkling...

They just live in a different era. An era when once they were royally screwed over by the powers that be in Israel, and ever since, they have a feeling that they are still being screwed and by God, they aren't going to stand for it...some of the adults I've interviewed and tested have some huuuuge chips on their shoulder, and as soon as I mention the price I see an instant change in their persona. As though they sense I'm trying to stiff them out of their hard-earned cash. If you think I'm expensive, I'm not, especially when compared to Tel Aviv.

And those Yemens that call by phone are just the same (I picked up their accent a long time ago after going out with a Yemen girl - feck me, Yemen girls are craaaazy!). They ummm and they arrr, but I just know that they'll never turn up for the interview or test or lesson we schedule. As soon as I hear that accent, I now automatically switch off. Not one Yemen that came or phoned lasted more than one lesson, if they even came for that. I did have one potential stereotype-breaker, but she never turned up for the second lesson, and wouldn't answer my calls, despite my building her a personalized Business English course. Fucker.

Let's face it, they just waste my time. They were never part of my target population anyway, because of their tight-fisted reputation, so I don't feel like I'm losing out, at all. I'll be sticking with their delish jachnuns and malawachs, but as for my school, they can forgedabowtit...

Monday, October 22, 2007

On the blink

The ol'gogglebox is on the blink, innit. No more Dora, no more Albert Square, no more footie...sssshhh, it's awful quiet...and don't let the washing machine know because what with the computer crashing on me and still AWOL, and now the old box, I'm beginning to think it's an appliance conspiracy...

Saturday, October 20, 2007


Swing Low Sweet Chariot...

I stand by my prediction of a last-minute Jonny try.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Saving your penis pennies...

Had a lesson with two of my favourite Ruskie adults. Very educated, very hi-tech. Wanting to practice their conversational English. So, one lesson, there we were, talking about money. I came up with some proverbs: money doesn't grow on trees, time is money, and then I came up with saving your pennies for a rainy day...

*funny looks*
*breaks out into laughter*

I was bemused. WTF was so funny? They just couldn't look me in the eyes without cracking up. I was starting to get paranoid, so asked them what was so funny. Tear-filled eyes looked at me, before darting away amid another onslaught of giggles...finally, one of them managed to break the loop and with a great sigh, blurted out: "I don't know about you, but I don't save my penis only for rainy days..."

Once I twigged, I was there rolling around on the floor with them...guess you had to be there...

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Anyone for rugger?

Not a great rugby fan, it has to be said. But tonight's semi-final nail-biter over France in Le Crunch had me on the edge of my seat, quite literally. Never mind that the commentary was in French and littered with Ohh la la and Souperrrrb! and even Jonny Wilkinson, monsieur still had me inspired and made me feel just a tad proud to be English, me ol' China. Can they hold on to their world crown? Yes, I think they bloody well can...

Friday, October 12, 2007

Talking of manky...

Had something manky a couple of days ago, it completely wiped me out yesterday and today I'm still afraid to fart. I think I've narrowed it down to these suspects:

  • A freshly opened packet of muesli
  • The last few drops of a milk carton
  • A banana
  • Some very tasty chicken liver

However, if I was to say that the chicken liver came from an Arab restaurant next to smallsville, would that make it the likely contender? I'll just be glad to get my farting skills back...

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

You can't go wrong with a...

...tuna sandwich.

Just thought I'd share one of my pearls of wisdom, because, come on, have you ever had a manky tuna sandwich? Is it even possible to fuck up the ingredients of a tuna sandwich?

Monday, October 08, 2007

'Er Upstairs

Remember the neighbour from upstairs who was quite disgusted at our barren flowerpot? Well, she stopped talking to the missus, as she obviously found it very hard to communicate with such lowlife. I can just imagine her dinner discussions with her hubbie...

Anyway, to appease the missus, who likes to be neighbourly, we planted some new flowers in the pot. Very tasty the inner gardener in me says...and, as you can probably tell, no need for watering (being plastic n'all)! However, the snooty neighbour still isn't talking to us, which is very alarming, I'm not sure if we'll be able to stay in this flat if we aren't on good terms with her. Hee hee.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Some students are delish!

My newest student happens to own this. He's promised to bring some of these to the lessons. I told him he doesn't need to bring me any of these.

Friday, October 05, 2007

"Ello Mads, fancy a cuppa?"

Spotted this last week in the Hebrew press. Looks like Madonna is checking out a pad in the building right next door to me. Don't worry, it's not that I live in an exclusive neighborhood, it's just that the building next to me (yeh, I can almost touch it) is a rather lush complex. My paparazzi lens is coming out of its box...

Wednesday, October 03, 2007


Two months after I officially leave Corridor Land (let's face it, my heart took the first bus out way back when...), they go and get bought by a huge American corporation. You might have seen it on the Israeli web, it was big financial news for a couple of days, though I didn't see anything on the TV news about it...

My first reaction was: Holy Fuck! Somebody actually paid money to buy them! My second reaction was: Holy Fuck! Maybe I missed out on a bumper bonus! My third reaction was: Fuck it! The likelihood of getting any bonus from these guys was pretty much nil. My final reaction: Fuck 'em! I'm much better off without 'em...

I still have the opportunity to buy stock options in the company, but seriously, I think I have much better things to spend my money on...

What the hell am I? #35

*bumpity bump*

Monday, October 01, 2007

Squat Me!

You have a tenant, who for the last 5 years has been paying his rent. Suddenly, he stops paying and, despite repeated promises, fails to pay. In a pow-wow to defuse the situation, he declares that the house is now his and that you can go feck yourselves. What would you do?

This is not happening to the anglosaxies fortunately, but to some good friends. I have no idea what sort of rights squatters have in Israel, but to me this screams out a get the heavies in to kick some shit out of people-like scenario...I should point out that heavies have already been sent round to intimidate, without any violence, but as the tenant is taking the piss still further, extreme measures are needed. No?