Thursday, August 30, 2007

Confrontation with a babe

A couple of days ago I went to collect the car from the missus' place of work. Never mind that she'd parked in front of somebody, completely blocking them off, it's the "done thing" in their car park. Anyway, I was getting in the car at the same time as the blocked driver, a babe amongst babes. She didn't look too happy, but fuck it, I didn't park the car in front of her...

I hadn't even buckled my seat belt before she'd started: "Pharrrrp! Pharrrrp!" [ That wasn't the beans I've just eaten, that's her horn ]. I looked in the mirror and gave her a steely gaze. She wasn't to be put off. "Pharrrrp! Pharrrrp!" Right you gorgeous wee thing, methinks, this calls for an Italian style go-slow...

So I crawled out of the car park, knowing that behind me a certain wee lassie was probably just about to blow a gasket, as there was no way she could pass me. I got to the road and managed to piss her off even further by failing to edge out quickly enough into the traffic hurtling by..."Pharrrrp! Pharrrrp!" Oooh dear, my foot just wouldn't hit the gas...

Eventually we both made it out, though her efforts to cut round me were met with a quick lurch of the steering wheel to the left. I am such a cad. And didn't she let me know it at the next traffic lights. She pulled up alongside, wound her window down (ok, nobody winds windows anymore...) and gave me a right earful. Her beauty almost won me over, before my head kicked into gear. A swift "Fuck off, you stupid cow" in my bestest awright guv'nor British accent left her speechless, before she let rip with a "Metumtam" and a screech of tyres.

Aye, she wasn't half gorgeous. And feisty too, nothing like 'em...just can't hack it when they're like that behind the wheel...

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

The 10 most pointless jobs in Israel...

  1. Summer weather forecaster (er, it's going to be very hot again tomorrow...)

  2. Rush hour radio reporter (oh yeh, lots of alternative routes in this huge country...)

  3. Petrol station pump attendant (spoil the locals even more, go on!)

  4. Street cleaner (love those leaf/dust blowers...)

  5. Security guards at the entrances to shopping malls (though those mature Russian geezers might just disagree...)

  6. Policemen accompanying road workers (really, why are they there?)

  7. Driving instructors (you can see that their instruction truly works...)

  8. Israel Premier League coaches (come on, why do they bother? Er, I guess they don't...)

  9. Technical writer (who reads those feckin' manuals?)

  10. Public school English teacher (aaah, the private English teaching bizz is flourishing...)

Monday, August 27, 2007

B right back

* Not one of my pics but I thought it was a cracker.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Crest of a wave

Lately I've been having a very good feeling about the school and its potential. Might have been down to the fact that I've been selling myself and my dream to interviewee teachers over the last few weeks, or it might just be down to the steady flow of students over the summer (I didn't think I'd be teaching over the summer, but amazingly it's worked out pretty much the same hours as pre-summer). Whatever the reason, I've decided to go upscale.

What does "upscale" mean? Well, for starters, today saw the first of 6 full page ads in the local smallsville rag. Very profesh ads they are too [ we're not worthy stance directed towards my graphics designer, the missus ], the local rag's editor was well impressed. Gonna cost an arm and a leg, but I think it'll be worth it. I realise that the whole town needs to know who I am, otherwise it's going to be a much slower process. I don't think I have the patience to see the business grow by 5-6 students a year. What with the almost dead-cert likelihood of taking on a teach or 2, it needs to expand, and not next year...So, the ads are done, the teachers interviewed, the flyers printed and currently being distributed by a couple of keen students of mine...all is looking good, all is feeling good.

Something I've realised over the last few weeks - I really enjoy running the show, making the decisions, thinking of new marketing strategies etc etc. The teaching aspect interests me less now, though obviously some students are a whole lot more fun than others which can make it a joy. I wasn't born to work in an office, that much I know...though I will be returning to technical writing real soon, for the extra dosh unfortunately (more on that real soon)...hopefully not for too long...

I'm not expecting a "gold rush", but if I don't have 50-60 students by the end of 2007 I will be dead disappointed. Disappointed enough to consider my options. I'm currently in the 30-40 area, though over the summer most of the kids haven't been in. September/October is the time when things will kick into gear...

It almost feels like I'm sat on my board, just about to catch a killer wave, not sure whether it's going to carry me along and take me safely back to shore or just wipe me out...whatever happens, I think the next few weeks/months will be one hell of a fuckin' ride!

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

My Wednesday

6am-12pm: Solely in charge of changing nappies, picking up spat out food and having junior use my ribcage as a trampoline.

2pm-10pm: Teaching English, allegedly. 8 hours of lessons, all 1 on 1s. Pretty bleedin' mindnumbingly boring...

Take me for a beer, please...someone, somewhere...

Monday, August 20, 2007

Across the street

Something fairly new to me with the new neighbourhood is the ability to become a fully fledged voyeur by just looking out of your window at the neighbour across the street. I know that Tel Aviv is, er, paradise for sardines, but this is the first time I've come across this...we can see right into this guy's place, pretty much all day, every day. Aaah, if only he was a Miri clone...

What with the large windows in this neck of the 'hood, I know what time he wakes up, how many beers are left in the fridge, and that he cleans the house way too regularly. I thought I knew (or make that, we thought, coz the missus was adamant - perhaps it's his meticulous cleaning habits...) that he batted for the other side, but after this weekend, his preferences seem to have swung rather more conservatively. Though maybe he was just temporarily swinging it.

And being full time voyeurs leads to some very surreal moments - last week I was taking junior to the park around the corner when we suddenly found ourselves face to face with the neighbour, out walking his dog. Though we've never spoken, there was a male grunting of acknowledgment before junior pounced and gave his dog a kiss on the nose. Kids, eh? Born ice breakers...

Of course, this voyeuristic approach has a down side - we can obviously be seen too. I keep telling mrs anglosaxy not to prance around in her leather catsuit and to hide the whip for Christ's sake, but to no avail...I have a feeling she's become an Internet star somewhere out there but for all my trawling of porn sites, purely for the, er, purposes of research, I still haven't come across her, or us...

Friday, August 17, 2007


My computer at home decided to throw up a Windows could not start because it is a fucking piece of shite error message a couple of mornings I'm relying on the laptop for the next few days until I get round to fixing it...

Been busy round these parts - new technical writing job almost sealed (oh gawd...I know, I know, but this one looks goooood, I'll reveal all when I sign the contract), school just about to explode with a series of costly advertising campaigns, interviewing teachers etc etc et bloody cetera...and it's likely to be an even busier next 2 weeks because the kindergardens close over here so a rampant junior will have to be taken care of AND the nanny is off for a month to sunny Canada so juniorette will be crawling this way n'that...anyone free for babysitting, hee hee?

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Not many things scare me...

...but truck drivers with 190 previous traffic convictions scare the bejesus out of me. Fucker.

New Arse

Ooooh lush! That time of the year again, when football widows sigh heavily and stare into the bottom of their wine glasses. OK, actually it started yesterday, but for us gooners, it's today...

I won't give any predictions, as I always get it wrong. As for the Arsenal, I can't help feeling a little sad that most of the Arsenal players that were truly great over the last 8 or so years (aaahhh, the Invincibles) have moved on. This summer has seen the last of the truly classy players leave Arsenal - no more Thierry (sorry Tel, your Corridor Land poster was binned), no more Freddie...and it now seems to be in the hands of the younger players, some of whom are very much still in nappies.

Keep the faith keep the faith
, I tell myself, but if I'm honest, I have to say they are missing a ton of experience. The optimism that has always met the opening day of the season is a little waned this time around, and I can't help feeling that they are falling behind some of the other top teams...and perhaps even ready to be overtaken by some of the mid-table, God forbid, [ spit, spit ] Spurs.

So, plenty of beer will have to be consumed these next few weekends, plenty of Irish pubs visited on a Saturday/Sunday afternoon...just hope my rose-tinted specs will be up for the job...

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Friday, August 10, 2007

Fame - right here is where I start working...

Last week the mag for which I took a few pix was published. My first pix ever published, I even got my name mentioned (incorrectly mind, and edited for your eyes only). Pretty chuffed me is. Though the quality of the pix, and the whole mag (according to my digital printing expert, mrs. anglosaxy) leaves a little to be desired, I'm feckin' happy. Click to big if you want to see them in more detail, and read the ever so exciting article.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Sounds of fatherhood

"Daddy! Daddy!"

[ a waterfall of vomit hits the floor as junior stands in his bed, a little shocked at the torrent of carrot-flavored horror he has just unleashed...]

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Night of the Leprechauns

Don't think those Laphroaig chasers were a very good idea...

Sunday, August 05, 2007

I could have reached out and...

Yesterday was spent by the pool of a local country club (in Israel every swimming pool that has a bit of grass next to it is called a country club). The beach is a bit hot and sandy these days, especially for juniorette, so we, er, roughed it...glad we did, because one of my favourite homo sapiettes was there, strutting around in a skimpy bikini.

When she sat down next to the kiddies pool, I realised that she was sat right next to my flipflops, strategically placed as always. So I casually sauntered over in her direction, being very careful not to stare or drool too much. As I wiggled the flipflops on to my feet, thoughts of accidentally-on-purpose slipping on the wet floor to fall ever-so-dramatically into her arms ran through my head, but as the missus was watching, I thought better of it...

I lurve the summer!

Thursday, August 02, 2007

National Portrait Gallery I

Some real Israelis for you, alive and kicking. And not like those Israelis you'll see on the BBC...(ooooohh). More to come.

* click to big (do you really want to...?)