Thursday, March 29, 2007

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Medication and Drinkies

...just don't mix 'em kids.

The after-effects of yesterday's meeting with O continue: O (who was on anti-biotics) has just told me that after I left her she stayed to watch the sunset. The next thing she remembers is waking up in Ashkelon train station (maybe an hour away by train - but not where O lives), being prodded awake by the security guards on the last train. Three hours later. So O lost a couple of hours of her life yesterday - I'm just scanning the news to see if anyone was savagely beaten or topped off along her route...

Freaky stuff.

When needs must

Come on then, what's the most desparate situation you've ever found yourself in when requiring a pee? I think I might just have crossed an unmarked boundary yesterday afternoon...

It was all going so smoothly, a couple of beers on Banana Beach with O (she's having difficulties in deciding whether to return to the rat race or be a bum, and came to me for advice - ha! crazy girl...) before driving off to smallsville for some English lessons. I remember glancing at the toilet on my way from the beach and thinking "shall I?...nah, I'll make it to smallsville, no worries...". Big fucking mistake.

As I set off for smallsville, I met the mother of all traffic jams on the way out of Tel Aviv. Minutes rolled by. And it was then that the urge to pee started to nag. And nag. And completely bug the hell out of my kidneys. Look, I can usually hold back from peeing, even after 4 or 5 beers, but this time I was completely caught unawares...yep, there I was, all fidgety and hand in groin, trying not to think of waterfalls and the Med and ice-cream...and constantly looking for an escape route, one where I could just stop my car and throw myself into a bush...

And then I saw it. The empty bottle smiling gleefully at me on the back seat.

I think you can guess what's coming...

Yep, I opened her up and let go. Fuck the other cars around me, I just couldn't take it anymore...ahhh, blissssssssss...minimum spillage too, which was quite a feat if you ask me...just have to remember to throw the bottle away before mrs. anglosaxy uses the car...she's quite fond of lemonade and might just take a swig...ewwwwww...

Tuesday, March 27, 2007


A blast from the past, mid-90's stylee. My sleeping partner (see No. 7) cops it after receiving heavy blows from the stick in my left hand...

Monday, March 26, 2007

Dream snatcher

You know you're in trouble when work starts infiltrating your dreams...
And last night's dream was an epic - an all day Company Day at Corridor Land, where I even managed to win an award, the QY award, a rather large silver medallion type thingee, just like the VW badge. I was even sat next to the CEO all day, joking and suggesting ideas. Try as I might, I'll be buggared if I can figure out what QY means...

Quantifiably Yearning?
Questionably Young?
Queen of the Year?

I'm in deep, eh?

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Lovely Jubbly

Ooooh...bit difficult getting up this morning (and why do my legs hurt so much?)...not sure if it's the Jameson, the Black Bush or the Kilkenny to blame...or maybe the after-effects of another sappy England performance. Uninspiring, I think that's the word.

What was great to see was the thousands of English supporters over here. OK, they (we) drunk their asses off, and Mike's Place / Buzz Stop made a bleedin' fortune, but there was something of a party atmosphere here for 2-3 days, something which I've never seen before in this country. And the TV build up to the game was something never done before, they even had a clock countdown in the top corner of the screen hours before the game was scheduled to start. I was also impressed with the number of St. Georges flags put up everywhere by the Tel Aviv municipality, great effort. And I won't tell you how many times I heard "Why is the England flag a red cross on a white background? We thought it was this..."

The Inglunders seemed to enjoy themselves (the fat guy - from my home town - became a mini celeb, he was everywhere!), what with the beer, the beach and the local ladies. Just wondering if any of them end up staying a certain anglosaxy did, many moons ago...

Friday, March 23, 2007

Predictions please

OK, so tomorrow night it's the big one - Israel v England. I still haven't decided where I'll watch the game, but wherever it will be it will be accompanied by beers and cheers, so...lots of friendly bantering, I'm sure, especially as mrs anglosaxy is coming along and she's certainly on the side of the blue and whites.*

I actually think it'll end a draw - 1-1. What say you?

* Don't tell her, but yesterday I sent her 9 year old nephew and his friend round the shopping mall in which my school resides, waving the St George's flag and shouting "Anglia, Anglia!" (Hebrew for Ingerlund!). There were a couple of shocked faces, especially from the old-timers!

Thursday, March 22, 2007

A man's man

I have to say, despite mrs. anglosaxy's best attempts to girlify junior (moisturizers, me a favour!), he's doing me proud with his fascination with aeroplanes, lorries and cars. His refusal to go to sleep without at least one car beside him is particularly impressive. Excuse me for a moment...Hey junior, come here and let me tie a ribbon in your hair.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

10 years on...

It's been 10 years. 10 whole years.
10 years since that first date (which we use as our "anniversary", rather than the wedding date - who gives a monkeys if it's not the way you should do it...).
God bless us and all who sail in us!

Smallsville V

Views from one hill...this one wraps it up, apart from some pics of the school in smallsville, coming soon.

Monday, March 19, 2007

"And the Accidental Slimmer of the Year Award goes to..."

9 kg in two months, that's what I've shed. Not too shabby, eh? Though perhaps a little too much considering that I didn't even diet/work out. Bastard flu and bastard mouth ulcers are largely to blame. I've hardly touched a drop of alcohol in the last 2 months (for me, anyway) and just this week I've been limited to yoghurts and soup.

So, any pre-wedding brides desperate to lose some pounds, I'm available for rent. Just let me breathe all over you and within a couple of weeks you'll be slipping into the sexiest wedding dress you ever dreamed of!

Seriously, I'm learning some fast lessons here - my bod simply can't handle the stress I put it under the last few months. Things are changing, I'm going to sign up with a gym, I hope, and I will be travelling to the school down south maybe twice a month, instead of 3/4 times a week. I'm also going to try and give myself at least one afternoon off a week, like in the good ol' days, time for the beach or some if only I can get myself sacked...

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Playing dumb

Today Corridor Land has its Innovation Day. I've decided to play it dumb and not attend any of the seminars. Sackable offence if ever there was one, especially as it involves my boss's favourite buzzword Hadshanut. Might be an interesting day...

UPDATE: Unbelievable. Innovation Day has become Innovation Days, as today (Monday) has been designated another day of seminar hell. I, meanwhile, have slinked into my office and am still playing dumb. Tuesday could be exciting as I have a meeting scheduled with the boss.

Smallsville III

A view from my old bathroom window
The local synagogue, which can be seen from miles away thanks to that bloody great big sign on the roof
The local telephone engineers are very artistic

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Rainy day escapism

It's hissing it down over here, I was actually caught in an icy hailstorm this morning. Jerusalem is expecting snow, or maybe not, and it's that time when you guess how many layers of clothing Israelis are actually, just to remind myself of last weekend, and probably next weekend...

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Where do I sit and watch the game?

Next Saturday it's the Israel-England game and I'm in a bit of a fix...I was originally tempted to buy a ticket with GbH and watch in the Israel section of the ground, but I'd have looked a bit of a plank if (note the if) England had scored [ the scene: one lone english guy standing and cheering amidst a sea of blue and white ]. But now I hear there are no tickets left in the Israeli section, so I can breathe a little more easily...

Maybe I should go and join my fellow Inglunders in the hooligan section? A few beers, an Eastbourne Borough top and they'll never know any different, right?

Maybe it'll be easier to go down the pub with a couple of friends and drown in the pub-football ambience? But then again, I'm likely to be outnumbered by Israelis...

What, stay at home and watch the game? Innovative, yes. Cheap, yes. Boring, extremely. A decision will be forthcoming...

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Leo is (was?) in town

Oh dear, lots of media interest over in Hod Hasharon this week as Bar and her own private Leonardo fly in for a quick visit. I know I should have let you know sooner, but I wanted to give them a couple days privacy...before the bodyguards get tested by the pesky paparazzi.

Of course, the most popular page in the whole anglosaxy collection is, yes, this one. You won't believe how many people drop by every week.

Just out of interest, do you think celebs actually google themselves to see what comes up? I'm sure Bar has spotted her Homo Sapiette slot and smiled shyly while reading...aaah, if it wasn't for Leo and mrs. anglosaxy, it could have been me dropping by to see her Mum this week...

Monday, March 12, 2007

Set Me Free, Remotivate Me

I really don't make this up...
Corridor Land is launching a series of seminars/study days for its workers. The subject? Hadshanut - or in English that would be something like innovation. Yes, via the crappiest PowerPoint presentation I have ever seen (this is allegedly a cutting edge Internet company...), we have been informed that we will be taught how to harness our innovativeness. For the benefit of the mothership, of course.
They scare the shit out of me, they really do...though perhaps me pulling a runner during the lunch break might just tip the Dismissal scales in my favour...?

* A prize - one of my rather cute mouth ulcers - to the person who can name the band that sang the post title (without googling, yes, I will know...).

Sunday, March 11, 2007

The new place

Yeh, it's OK. A lot smaller than the place in smallsville, and even after ruthlessly throwing away a fair few items, we still have nowhere to put my framed Corridor Land certificates of excellence. Damn.

Still living out of boxes and bags, but getting connected to the WWW, hopefully today. Slowly, it's all coming together. Next stage is getting junior into a kindergarden sharpish. To be followed by some kind of daycare for juniorette. There'll be no slackers in my house, mrs anglosaxy has to get out and earn some beer money...

Mrs anglosaxy is a happy camper, she likes the new place a lot and even said that moving back to Tel Aviv felt right, like she was moving back home. Of course, I didn't mention that she's originally from Holon...

Me, I like the place, but the neighbourhood is a bit posh for me, though we are on the outskirts. Way too many sparkly jeeps and SUVs. That have probably never seen a muddy track...My commuting time has expanded rather alarmingly though, last week I had lessons in smallsville and then drove back to Tel Aviv. Instead of a 2 minute walk home I had an hour's drive/sit in traffic jam. Mmmm.

Anyway, once I get the last of the smallsville pics posted I'll post some of the new neighbourhood. Or at least of some of the sparkly SUVs. Or maybe even some of the 3 ulcers on my tongue that I inherited from junior, very cute they are...

Thursday, March 08, 2007

O Lordy!

Last night was spent in the company of O, plus a couple of decent (lifer) Corridor Landers. Pool was the name of the game, Stella the chosen poison. After slaughtering them, myself and O went over to G's place (an ex-Corridor Lander) to watch *sob* Arsenal go out in the Champs League. Too little too late, that's all I have to say about Arsenal. Was interesting to see G, who is now enjoying himself at a new cellblock - in fact, some freelancing might be coming my way, after I let him know just what he might be getting himself into with the Tech Writing company he was thinking about hiring (for those of you who know, Barbie dearest...).

And yes, I'm sitting in Corridor Land and am bleedin' hungover and tired...but at least I didn't have far to crawl home...

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Smallsville II

Some more pics (excuse me while I go unpack some boxes...). Hold your cursor over the pic for a description.

A festive, rusty lamppost
The view from my ex-living room
A view of the old part of town, before it went all posh...

Monday, March 05, 2007

Smallsville I

So, as I settle back into Tel Aviv, here's some pics of smallsville, more to come. Hold your cursor over the pic to get a description...

The local meeting spot for the Smallsville Hell's Angels
You've got to be a real Zio Nut to live in this street
Look carefully - that's a musical roundabout, complete with artificial grass

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Moving along...

Welcome to Tel Aviv.

Ahhh, but not before we try and feck you right and proper.

Yes, indeed, welcome to the land of Israel customer service. The land where removal guys say they'll come and move your house and just don't bother turning up. The land where 20 calls are ignored, but a call made from a "hidden" number is miraculously answered. And then quickly cut off upon hearing who's calling. If I can stop any business coming their way - yes, you, Leonid Fucking Removal Company - I shall be a happy man.

These guys did the business, Moshiko Hovalot. Moshiko and his 3 very friendly Arab guys (English (he spoke, er, English), Judy and Mahmud) cleared out our place in smallsville and moved it all to Tel Aviv in 3 hours flat, starting at 5am...Highly recommended.