Nice try, you thieving b'stard!

B'stards! After having a late-night chat with momma and poppa anglosaxy (the in-laws...), I returned to the car to find it in pieces. Well, not exactly in pieces, but some smartass had decided to have a go at stealing the on-board computer (What do they do with these computers? Surely, once it has been cancelled by the leasing company it must have a very short shelf-life? Is it really worth all that hassle and risk?). That meant the casing around the steering wheel had to go, while the flooring below the glove box has been ripped up. Me, I was a little slow (it was 1am...) in fathoming out just what had happened. I sat puzzled for a few seconds, holding some of the steering casing in my hand and thinking to myself: "What the f*ck is this?" After realizing what had happened, I even turned to the back seats, expecting to see some snarling, baraclava-clad (Ed: ok, how could you tell he was snarling if he was donning a baraclava?) car thief, pliers in hand...There was a split second of fear, but once I realized my life wasn't in immediate danger, I relaxed.

Now the fun kicks in. The damage caused to the car doesn't really bother me (I'm sure it would if it was my car, and not leased), and nothing was stolen, it's all the red tape that I have to go through to satisfy the leasing company...who require at least 5 run-throughs before they are happy thay have all the details. After getting some zzzzzzzs, I was rudely awakened by the leasing company engineer (you know they say they'll come between 8 and 12, well, just for once, I managed to get the 8 o'clock wakeup call). He, of course, decided that it wasn't his job, and called the garage to come up and pick it up. It's now 10.45, and they've just taken the car. Now it's the turn of the police, who really don't want to know. This is going to be one long day...