Mr C expands operations into Europe

[I'm not sure if all of you believe my tales regarding young Mr C, but I can assure you, they are completely kosher, honest guv...I may add a wee touch of my own to raise a smile but the events do actually occur, including this one from Tuesday night...]

"Mr C! Long time no see [no rhyme intended...]!"

"Yeh, sorry Ashley about cancelling the last lesson, I had some aggro with a new guy who has turned up on my turf. He's decided to charge all my clients half price, so I had to 'sort him out'..." He then whipped out a flick-knife and slammed it down on the table. 'Sorting someone out' suddenly sounded a little more sinister, though I had to hand it to him, he knows how to grab my attention..."And Ashley, I'm flying to England next week for some 'business', so can we learn some relevant English so I can go shopping and meet some ladies..." He then expanded into details of his 'business plan', most of which was a load of bacon and eggs (ie., very unkosher).

"Er, OK, no problem. You know what, let's start with the immigration desk when you arrive at the airport [they always seem to ask mrs. anglosaxy a barrage of questions]." I then proceeded to write as many relevant questions on the board, so Mr C could work on his answers.

The first couple of questions Mr C dealt with very well - it was his response to the question 'Why have you come to England?' that caught me trying to stiffle an outburst of laughter: "Ah, yes, I love you Amsterdam! Very bootiful!". As I wiped a tear away, he tried to correct himself, bless him..."Ireland, yes! I love you!"... [Mr C is slowly convincing me that London is NOT in England].

In an effort to bring some sense of normality, I called mrs. anglosaxy to ask her if she could remember the questions they regularly ask her. After jotting them down, Mr C suddenly took an interest in my mobile phone (my phone was brought over from England and is not available here, so everybody thinks it's flash - it's not).

"Is it new?"

"Nope, it doesn't even have any real games on it."

"Ah, and it's all in English."

I couldn't resist - "Yes, it even rings in English!"

"Wow, how does it do that?"

The next thing I knew, I was being splashed with water (might have been beer...) as I lay sprawled on the floor...