:anglosaxy:: THE ULTIMATE COLLECTION: You know you've been in Israel too long when...

...you're in a lift and don't even notice the guy yelling into his cell phone.
...someone says 'snack', you think: watermelon.
...you can't tell the difference between a Goldstar and a Tuborg.
...you put your luminous safety jacket (required by law to be in-car) over your car seat.
...you start supporting Brazil during a World Cup.
...you eat sabras (prickly pear), seeds n'all.
...you don't blink when handed an alcohol free cider drink.
...you start advising your host how to cook his/her barbeque meat.
...you have an amusing army anecdote and weren't even in the army.
...you think nothing about queueing to get into a coffee bar.
...you call a chocolate cake a "kushi" (black/negro) cake.
...you queue for yeasty products once Pessach breaks.
...you shout up from the street at a friend living on the fifth floor.
...you start to enjoy shoddy service and make repeat visits to a place where you are repeatedly shafted.
...your second sentence is "How much did it cost?"
...you wear flip flops to weddings.
...you even start wearing Crocs.
...you buy a Sarit Hadad disk.
...you actually play the disk a few times.
...matkot (beach tennis) is your main form of exercise.
...you talk wayyyy louder than is necessary.
...you no longer wait in line, but go immediately to the head of the queue "just to ask a question".
...all tourists look the same to you.
...open spaces make you nervous.
...you hear Wham's 'Last Christmas' in August and don't even flinch.
...you find state-employees helpful, knowledgeable and friendly.
...all your mother-in-law's friends have been plasticly enhanced.
...you think nothing of eating in the street, humus dribbling down your chin.
...you can't put a proper sentence together in your native language.
...you pay those pesky kids to clean your windows at every junction.
...you aren't aware that one is supposed to pay for software.
...a PhD in Nuclear Physics fluent in 4 languages cleans your house for a pittance but she is from the Ukraine so it's all right.
...you use the word "Nu" at least 10 times when listening to a friend's story.
...you no longer ask yourself why there are so many jeeps in this country.
...you find that it saves time to stand and retrieve your hand luggage while the plane is on final approach.
...you start clapping when the plane lands.
...you regard traffic signals, stop signs, and indicator levers with equal disdain.
...car accidents become a source of heartwarming humour.
...you forget that the other person needs to finish speaking before you can start.
...you arrive 30 minutes late for a meeting but still manage to beat the other meeting attendees.
...you ask how much people are making and expect people to answer.
...you are the last of your original group of friends still in Israel.
...your idea of a larger home is an extra 10 square meters.
...you can swear fluently in Arabic.
...you buy a thick winter coat on October 1st.
...you wear your new winter coat on October 2nd.
...your family stops asking when you'll be coming back.
...you buy a water cooler.
...you leave the plastic wrapping on your new car's seats.
...knives and forks feel, well, strange.
...you get homesick for a pita stuffed with felafel and tehina when away from Israel.
...you no longer laugh at the angles of metal scaffolding.
...you wear body hugging t-shirts to show off your love handles.
...you know enough Hebrew to make Israelis laugh their socks off.
...you've killed at least 100 cockroaches with your favourite 'killing' shoe.
...you look at the local women/men and start fantasising about Scandinavian women/men.
...you've seen Midnight Express, Hair and The Princess Bride at least 5 times each.
...you know the words to Hotel California.
...you shorten supermarket to 'super'.
...you consult your English dictionary far more than your Hebrew dictionary.
...everything seems normal.

And with that, I'm off. Time for some shnorkel (snorkelling) and quality time with the missus and junior. See you in a few days.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

THE ULTIMATE COLLECTION: You know you've been in Israel too long when...

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