Lag-ing behind

The kids have a bonfire tomorrow night (it's Lag b'Homer), together with the rest of their kindergarten chums. But, apparently, if you don't come with at least 5 pieces of wood to chuck on the fire, you're a loser and you and your kids will be banned from touching the marshmallows. Bastards. So the missus has told me to "go out and find wood". Right, dead easy. Or maybe not.

I'm sorry, but where the fuck am I supposed to find pieces of wood lying around in north fecking Tel Aviv? I could chop down a small tree, but of course, the majority of "available" trees have already been hacked to death by machete wielding 6 year olds. This is one Jewish holiday I never really liked, not sure why - could be the squealing and screeching kids jumping around their all-nighter bonfires - but now I have to actually join in...feck...