"Don't worry bruv. It's all gonna come good, promise! And so what if we don't win anything for a few years? Just 5 more years and you'll be legible for the schoolboys innit, and we've all seen you volley my Dora dolly behind the sofa countless times, so, come on bruv, keep it together... Hang on, what's that in your ear? Bamba? Daddy? Daddy, I want Bamba! Dadddddy, I want Bambaaaaa!"