Dog. Sick. Parrot. Whatever...

A virus has stormed the anglosaxy household and done some spectacular damage to me and juniorette. She's actually over it now but I haven't stepped out of the front door since Thursday evening and even had a run-in with the doc at 1am...so I guess you'll have to enjoy the pix below a little longer...

Quickie

Blimey! What the feck was that?
Last night I was struck down by some mysterious stomach bug that had me shivering and gripping the sides of the lav at 4 in the morning. After getting a couple of hours sleep I was woken by some heavy duty indigestion that had me calling a sickie and clearing a path to the lav. Junior joined me in the sick ward after pulling a sickie on his kindergarten (he'd done the vomiting bit a couple of days earlier, so he gets the blame), so at least I had some company. But less than 24 hours later, it's all over. Not a shiver in sight, not a regurgitated carrot to be seen.
Just thought you should know...

UPDATE: Uh-oh, now Juniorette's turn. Watch out mrs. anglosaxy, you're next...

She said "You might feel a little bit of a prick"...

After a recent bout of flu which completely fecked my sinuses, I decided to accept the offer of a freebie acupuncture session from a friend. First time I've ever tried it. Nothing like a few pricks in your nose...ohhh, I can feel a nun and vicar joke coming on...

Did it help? For about 5 minutes...
Is my forehead really that big? Well, I didn't Photoshop...

Why a stuffed nose ain't such a bad thing...

...since you get to skip some of life's more oderous tasks, including:

• Avoiding nappy duty. Sorry love, couldn't smell a thing...


• Missing out on junior's remarkably smelly feet. Even more smelly than mine, yes indeedy.


• Being oblivious to the Ruskie programmer's extraordinary bad breath, especially when he smiles his steel-crowned gnashers at you.


• Not throwing today's socks into the wash because, well, they don't look like they smell. Sorry love, couldn't smell a thing...


• Not having to suffer the after-effects of a mrs. anglosaxy Bamba session. Those of you who know, know...


• Walking down Allenby Street and remaining unaware of the piss-stained shop entrances.


• Driving behind a garbage truck without having to wind your windows up.


• Finally getting to use Open Spacey's rank board markers. Fuck me they stink, but then, right now, I'm oblivious...


• Failing to uncover those rotting potatoes in that DMZ area corner of the kitchen. Sorry love, couldn't smell a thing...

Talking of manky...

Had something manky a couple of days ago, it completely wiped me out yesterday and today I'm still afraid to fart. I think I've narrowed it down to these suspects:

• A freshly opened packet of muesli
• The last few drops of a milk carton
• A banana
• Some very tasty chicken liver

However, if I was to say that the chicken liver came from an Arab restaurant next to smallsville, would that make it the likely contender? I'll just be glad to get my farting skills back...

"And the Accidental Slimmer of the Year Award goes to..."

9 kg in two months, that's what I've shed. Not too shabby, eh? Though perhaps a little too much considering that I didn't even diet/work out. Bastard flu and bastard mouth ulcers are largely to blame. I've hardly touched a drop of alcohol in the last 2 months (for me, anyway) and just this week I've been limited to yoghurts and soup.

So, any pre-wedding brides desperate to lose some pounds, I'm available for rent. Just let me breathe all over you and within a couple of weeks you'll be slipping into the sexiest wedding dress you ever dreamed of!

Seriously, I'm learning some fast lessons here - my bod simply can't handle the stress I put it under the last few months. Things are changing, I'm going to sign up with a gym, I hope, and I will be travelling to the school down south maybe twice a month, instead of 3/4 times a week. I'm also going to try and give myself at least one afternoon off a week, like in the good ol' days, time for the beach or some beers...now if only I can get myself sacked...

Slim Fast

Over the last two weeks I lost 5kg. I shall be breathing the last of my flu-laden breaths into bottles and repackaging them as the latest miracle slimming product.

I now have a belt that needs a new hole...just to keep you in the loop, like.

Back from the Dead

Eh? Pardon? Yep, still can't hear anything in my left ear, but finally I have a bit of energy and appetite, so I crawled into Corridor Land this morning. I could have crawled in a couple of days ago, but with the response I got from my boss on the telephone at the start of the week ("oh, I had that and I still came into work..."), I decided to milk every last hour given to me by the doc. Fuck 'em.

I should be posting pretty regularly from now...

How to make a zombie

1. Take one fairly normal human being.
2. Give him a serious dose of flu.
3. Don't let him sleep for 5 consecutive nights.
4. Add two wailing infants to ensure that he can't sleep during the day.
5. Keep his diet to the bare essentials - water and bread, perhaps a banana.
6. Add an ear infection (for the "gunk running from ear" effect).
7. Voila!

There was a day or two when I really didn't know where the fuck I was, I felt like I was in some kind of Twilight Zone, where it just kept on going for the sake of going on...

And now, you'll have to excuse me, I have a fight to save the hearing in my left ear. Apparently I have one of the worst ear infections spotted in modern times (and yes, it hurts like 'eck), and I've been totally deaf in my left ear for the last 5 days, so, about time I start on those anti-biotics. mrs. anglosaxy is already threatening divorce - her argument that I didn't listen to her before but at least I could, is quite convincing. She is of course joking. I think.

Lying in bed

...with the flu...[ cough shhplutter ]

The word is...

...pooped.
Utterly and completely pooped. Which also means that a variety of viruses have found their way into my bod. Yesterday it was "wipe out" time with a fever, today the ol' WC has been my friend (and savior) on at least 5 occasions. I'd steer well clear of this blog if I were you...but come back soon for a tale of the English Lesson From Hell...

Sick as a dog

Bleedin' 'eck.

Yesterday I spent approximately 2 hours out of bed all day. I don't think I've ever felt so shit, really. Not sure it's down to stress, but my workload sure hasn't helped over the last couple of weeks. Guess my body is trying to tell me something, especially after the shit I've been feeding it the last few weeks. I think I might have eaten 5 bananas and a mango over the last few weeks, with maybe the odd tomato and few slices of cucumber. Not really that impressive, eh? My on-the-go diet mainly consists of fairly crappy sandwiches (not the M&S type)...that might have to change...yeh, and I can't beg mrs. anglosaxy for a nice hot dinner, because she's flakers most evenings.

But back in Corridor Land today, infecting the inmates. Mwahaha!