High as a kite

Part 3 of my tale of woe and joy - how I ended up in Israel!

Time for another rip-roaring adventure, here's Part 3 of my story of how I got to Israel, and stayed. Pictures are from a pre-digital era, so excuse the quality, innit.

Got to pay the bills

Went for another job interview this afternoon. Wasn't too bad, just didn't feel any chemistry despite my efforts at being fairly charming. The hours are good though and the work is fairly easy from what I saw, so it could keep the wolves from the door for a while. Had to do yet another test to prove my worth, but this one was probably the easiest test I've ever done. We'll see if anything comes of it. Had to pay 27 shekels parking (for 2 fecking hours only!) which really pissed me off, while the potential company's refusal to pay for it hopefully won't be a sign of things to come...if we get any further down the road...

Anyway, tomorrow you'll have another episode of my adventures to read, you have been warned!

The Depeche Mode concert in Israel: a review

Well, the event of the year has come and gone, at least for me anyway. Forget about the Pope, he's just an old Christian geezer here to stir up trouble, I'm talking about 3 lads from the home land, otherwise known as Depeche Mode.

This is a band I've grown up with over the last 29 years, and a one constant in my ever-changing life. Always loved them, probably always will. The show on Sunday was a big moment, not just for me, but for many Israelis. If you want to read my full, bodylicious review, see here.

And here's a clip of It's No Good, recorded by moi, arm hoisted high...enjoy!

How I ended up in Israel. And stayed. Part 2!

OK, so here's Part 2 of my rip-roaring yarn. If you missed it, click here for Part 1. Enjoy! Part 3 coming soon...

Mooning

How I ended up in Israel. And stayed.

OK, so I thought it was time to tell the whole story. The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. It's a multi-episode rip-roaring tale of why I came to the Holy Land, and why I've ended up staying. Click here for Part 1. Enjoy! Part 2 coming soon...

Line up line up

So, it's official, I'm an unemployed bum. I signed on a couple of weeks ago and this week was my first visit to the finger scanner. Oh yes, technology galore these days, you just place your finger on the scanner, wait for the OK and then get a little slip that tells you whether you need to go and see a clerk who may have a job for you or whether you can go home (nice little home icon!). But first, you have to wait in the bleedin' long queue, there's a lot of unemployed Tel Avivians out there!

For the first time in my time in Israel, it has to be said: Israel has grasped the queue concept (just maybe). I was quite impressed with the orderly fashion and speed in which they got through the line. Oh yes Israeli bureaucracy - we feckin' love you!

And you will be relieved to know that I got the home icon.

I'll give you a ring sometime

Rings from Carmel Market, Tel Aviv

End of the winning run

So, this unemployment malarky is actually not too bad. The best part about it is not having to rush into a place every morning that you don't give a toss about. The worst part is having to worry about paying for the petrol and actually having to think twice about driving somewhere. That is a killer, especially when for the last 9 years or so I've had my petrol bills taken care of.

What am I up to? Well, a few things, including a lot of work on http://www.igoogledisrael.com/, a fair bit of tweeting, and a top secret project or two that have actually got started and may even prove profitable. Needs more work though, of course. I will divulge more when the time is ready.

I also went for a Tech Writer interview last week at a 3-letter named company. Really didn't want the job but felt I had to go, 1) to get some practice and 2) to show the HR company that I made an effort. Interview went well, just couldn't see myself working for a boss who couldn't even look me in the eye when he was talking to me. Fucking mad. And not even sure I want to go back into cubicle world, it will only be for a part-time position that suits me, nothing else. Anyway, got a call a couple of days ago, they didn't want me, were looking for someone with more experience in their industry, "No worries" was my reaction. But I think this is the first time I've been rejected for a job I went for in the last 9 years. So, my almost perfect streak has come to an end...damn shame. But my beers are tasting sweeter these days, which is so much more important, innit.

Big Dicks

The salesman said "Hold a dick in your hands" without even blinking. Spotted somewhere in south Tel Aviv.

School's out

After trying to find a buyer for the school over the last few months it looks like I'm going to let it just run out its lease in the summer and get the hell out. I do have another interested buyer, but she appears to be just like the rest - why is it that all interested parties seem so uninterested and so void of enthusiasm for taking on a new venture? I swear, if you have an ounce of business umph in you, and you like teaching, this place could be a goldmine. But I don't care anymore, the school is just sapping my energy where I need it in other places...

Another reason why I'm losing interest: customers who don't pay on time. I have one woman, we (I send a teach there) go to her house (just down the road) and teach her and then her son. She currently owes me 4 months money and her last reason for not giving me the cash was that she didn't have any cheques. And yes, this woman is the BANK MANAGER of one of the biggest banks in Israel. I called BOLLOX on the "no chequebook" story and went bonkers on her over the phone. Or at least I left her a nasty message, because she's not answering my calls either, the bitch. Frankly, she is a pain in the ass client, always has been, but because of her lauded position as a bank manager she really is a nasty piece of work. But I won't let her get away without paying, don't worry. I have no shame in going to her door and demanding it.

As you can see, a drain on my energy, which is being put to its limits elsewhere...time for me and the school to say Ta-Ta!

Don't know about you but I can't wait til the 10th of May

You coming?

Stuff you can't get on Facebook and Twitter

Blimey, time flies dunnit! Here I am, back in the Holy Land for a few days, busy as a bee but forgetting to let you know...smack my wrists baby, smack 'em! Anyway, some brief updates for you, stuff you can't see on my Facebook, Twitter or website...

• Enjoyed Blighty a lot. I want to live there for a bit. Fuck the economy, we can make it over there. Maybe.
• That snow was feckin' amazing.
• Am now officially unemployed in Israel, but yet to sign on at the dole office.
• Open Spacey have sacked my old boss too. I didn't shed a tear.
• Miss my company Ford Focus, now driving the wife's Applause.
• Enjoying Tel Aviv's centenary deal for over 70's - they get free parking all over Tel Aviv, so I've been busy abusing the old blue and white kerbs. The wife's car is registered in her father's name, in case you were wondering.
• Have just purchased my first website, and plan to create another one and buy more. The empire is expanding. This could be my new profession.
• I'm doing way too much laundry at home. But still the wife is on my case. It's OK, it's her job.
• Am thinking that blogging as we know it is dying. That pesky little Twitter is going to take over the world. Maybe.
• Purim. Kids. Costumes. Expense.
• Met my old pal O this week for a coffee (it was too early for a beer). She's now a coach and hobnobbing with the rich and famous.
• Am very tempted to cancel my cable TV subscription. Very very tempted.

May God and a wee dram of Jameson bless you all!

As per Michael Jackson, I'll be back for my Farewell tour too. Or should that be a Comeback? Who cares, you haven't got rid of me just yet!

Nation of Dog Lovers Indeed

I love England!

Off to sunnier climes

Yeh, right. Sunny climes, that'll be England alright. Anyway, I'll be sure to have my sunglasses ready for the dazzling sun as me and junior land in Heathrow later today. Yep, a lads weekender (actually just over 3 weeks), the boys are off to hunt while the women stay at home. I'm going to be checking things out a little bit to see if Blighty is still worth the effort. Not sure this is the right time of the year to be doing this, but timing-wise, everything has fallen into place at the Israel end (give or take a botch job by the Ministry of Interior's amazingly crap online passport service, which managed to postpone this trip by a week or two), so...

Going to miss juniorette like crazy, maybe even the missus, but also looking forward to some time away from the Holy Land. Should help me sort my head out, maybe once and for all. Either that or it's a labotomy.

So take care me lovelies, I'll probably be tweeting and igoogling quite a bit, so if you get lonely over here you know where to find me...

Waltzing Bashilda

Managed to squeeze a viewing of Waltz with Bashir into my busy schedule today. A great movie, and considering I don't usually enjoy Israeli movies, that's a big compliment. I loved the animation, the soundtrack, the story. Not a surprise that this has won a Golden Globe already and is tipped for Oscar stardom. Go see.

Isn't this supposed to be pink?

So got my dismissal papers on Thursday. I was extremely disappointed that they weren't pink, as sayeth the legend. But, of course, not exactly unexpected. I even had a "hearing" where I got to say what I wanted. I didn't dish the dirt too heavily, but threw a barb or two at my immediate boss. And if my immediate boss thinks I really give a shit about his hard times (oh dear, you've been demoted to 60%), he really hasn't learnt a thing about me over the last year and a bit. And fuck those illusions of solidarity - who are you trying to kid? I know he shmoozed and bullshitted his way into keeping some sort of a position at Open Spacey because it's waaaaay too comfortable for him to give up...and I also know that he's totally looking out for himself in other ways, fuck the underlings...

Anyway, I'm just waiting for my passport from the Israeli Ministry of Interior to arrive and then me and junior are off to Blighty for some footie and chocolate and beer. And to check a few things out. But more of that later. In the meantime, it's down the gym again and again, footie on the TV, beer...oh dear, I can sense a pattern forming!

Gooners in training...

"Don't worry bruv. It's all gonna come good, promise! And so what if we don't win anything for a few years? Just 5 more years and you'll be legible for the schoolboys innit, and we've all seen you volley my Dora dolly behind the sofa countless times, so, come on bruv, keep it together... Hang on, what's that in your ear? Bamba? Daddy? Daddy, I want Bamba! Dadddddy, I want Bambaaaaa!"

And now, the time has come...

So, the credit crunch has come to roost round my way. Kind of indirectly, but in the last few days, very expected.

After rumours spread by washerwomen (largely my direct boss, the rumour mongerer supreme) that Open Spacey was about to go belly up, a hastily arranged meeting yesterday surprised most of us. The company was selling out to an American company with much deeper pockets, but, unfortunately a few people were probably not needed. Namely the Technical Writing department, me and my boss, plus maybe another one or two.

Another meeting today, filled with ultimate management speak bullshit, informed me that my chances of staying employed with this new company are 60-40 against. Now, I'm no manager, but isn't that one hell of a pep talk! Keeping me motivated to the very last...fuck 'em.

I'm not upset by this move although I was hoping I'd still have a job for the next 2-3 months while I head over to England for a quick trip. But I'm amazingly positive, the missus was a bit shocked when I told her last night but soon saw that everything will work out.

If it does mean the end, which I'm entirely convinced it does, I'm sure something else will turn up. I also have the school where I can take over more teaching, a semi-regular freelance gig etc. Let's face it, there are people in far worse situations than mine.

Viva la anglosaxy!