Crystal ball time

OK lads, send the wife shopping, lock the dog outside and shuttle the kids off to the in-laws...happiness is just around the corner. The new football season. Starts next weekend, though we have the annual Community Shield tomorrow to bore us silly...I thought I'd get some of my predictions down, just so that I can bleat a hearty "Told you so" come May...and after my Euro 2004 predictions, you'd better take this seriously...

Community Shield winners: Who cares? As a gooner I have to go with Arsenal, but this is a pointless game. The gaggle of Manure fans at the office (I'm alone in my support of London's finest) will undoubtedly harp on about their 'superior' team if they manage to win, but we all know the best team out there, don't we...

Premiership winners: Well, Arsenal of course. Second: Manure. Third: Chelski. Monumental upheavings, as you can see.

Surprise team of the season: I think Norwich might surprise one or two people. And quite possibly Middlesborough, with some of the signings they have made this summer.

Relegation candidates: Crystal Palace and West Brom are going straight back down. And if they're not careful, Everton or Portsmouth will join them.

Players to watch: David Bentley (Norwich, on loan from Arsenal), Mateja Kezman (Chelski), and Cisse (Liverpool).