Monday, April 10, 2006

Scrub a Dub Dub, contd.

So, I'm a "smelly European", that's for sure. Someone you wouldn't want to share a lift with, someone with flies buzzing permanently overhead. I wasn't always sure when passing people in the street, but now I'm constantly aware of fingers been clasped around nostrils and silent stares that quite obviously translate to "Phew, what a bleedin' stench!"...

How did I earn the title of "Smelly European"? Well, I sometimes miss my evening shower. Yes, I know, disgusting. Quite how this came about I really don't know, but, hands up, I'm guilty. You know how it is, after a long, hard day, stuck at home with junior and a few afternoon English lessons. Never mind that it's winter outside (OK, not really winter anymore, but you know what I'm on about) and there's about 30 seconds worth of hot water, I really should have a shower. To wash off all that muck and grime accumulated all over my body. As I said: D-I-S-G-U-S-T-I-N-G.

Listen, seriously, I know when I need a shower, I'm not a kid. I know that after a long day on the beach, like this past Saturday, there's probably a fair few grains of sand stuck in places I've never even seen with my own eyes. So a shower makes sense. And, of course, during June-August, the shower becomes one of my best mates. Israelis, however, seem to believe the shower has some kind of unique, special power that will wash away any troubles and make you, yes, YOU, sexually attractive in the eyes of your chosen partner.

So, please, less of the guilt invoking lines that make me maaaaad:

"You'll wash away all the negative energy accumulated during the day..."

"You'll feel like a new man..."

and, of course, the classic:

"I guarantee you won't be sorry..." [ nudge, nudge, wink, wink, comes out of shower to a snoring mrs. anglosaxy ]

[ swats fly buzzing overhead... ]