Slow Death

Ask any Israeli what the above sign means - I guarantee "Slow Death?" every time!

Returneth to these shores

Aye, back in the Holy Land. I'd like to say back home, but it doesn't ever feel like home. Not really. Always takes me a few days to sink back into reality...and then the English chocolate runs out and I'm forced to go cold turkey...

I would describe the flights (charter) as survivable, though hard. The 2-3 hour queues to check-in at both airports complete bollox...and the flight to England managed to showcase the ugly Israeli. Not just ugly, but ugly motherf*cker. We were the last ones off the plane and it looked like a bomb had hit it, nappies strewn on the floor, bamba crunched into the carpet, torn newspapers everywhere. The flight attendants told me they were very relieved the flight was over, they didn't seem too enamored with Israelis...and frankly I felt embarrassed that I had an Israeli passport...

England was great, the kids enjoyed themselves and even became good friends over there, less pushing and squabbling, more sharing and teamwork (and ganging up on Daddy). Previous trips to Blighty meant Oxford Street, West End shows, Camden market, etc etc. This time it was adventure parks, farms and zoos. Bit of a difference, but still good. And if I didn't say it before, a big cheers to the ancestors for putting up with us lot/letting us invade your home, must feel very quiet now!

I've got some pix lined up, post coming soon...but I also have a ton of things to do, so might take a day or 2...

ich bin ein englander

Some things I've noticed over the last few days over here in Blighty:

• Those chilly winds are feckin' chilly...
• ...but when it's sunny it's feckin' gorgeouis (down to my t-shirt on Tuesday)
• Electric bus stop signs listing upcoming buses
• Oldies over here smile non-stop at my kids
• Lots of flash git personalized registration plates - best one spotted today: HI8 WRK
• Range of choccies and choccie biscuits in the supermarket
• Automatic express checkouts at Asda - feckin' fab
• The local lasses are not lighting my fire
• A pint of warm bitter really ain't as tasty as I remember
• I'm loving those Morning Sir, How are you?s
• Narrow country roads
• People drive fast but fair. And they indicate...

What the hell am I? #47

I and me peeps is off to the mother country innit. So take a butchers at this and see if you can figure out what it is...see yous later, me old chinas!


And Happy Passover!

Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want

OK, so he says he's coming, what are the odds on a summer war to throw those plans down the pan?

The new toy

Watch out YouTube, here I come! I'll just have to remember to put away the, ahem, special videos, when the builders come round...

Very slick

* Taken with phone cam

Holy Friday

Holy Friday is still Holy. Yep, I've managed to stop myself from working on Friday mornings and spend some quality time with the missus. But unfortunately, since the two littl'uns have been going to the same kindergarten, the Friday morning cafe sessions have yet to really materialize...what with me being sick, or one of the kids, or the kindergarten holding special parties...and this last Friday I decided to meet up for an initial interview with a potential student who had called. We arranged to meet after I explained I was doing this as a one-off just for her, I waited, I called, no answer. After half an hour I went home...but went home fecking seething...one of the joys of running your own bizzness, the fucking public who really don't give a shit...

Nice and cheery

These two articles had me feeling all smiley and gooey this morning. The kind of feeling that makes you want to put a tad extra butter on your toast. Especially with the anglosaxies flying over to Ingerlund in a few days. So, if we do go get blown to smithereens, whose gonna bother to keep this blog going? I'd offer the missus as some kind of compensation, but as she'll be on the plane too I'm not too sure any of her best bits will be available...

April's Homo Sapiette - Yael

As the Champions League reaches its climax once again, it's time to highlight one of the more pleasurable aspects of watching the Israeli coverage of the games, Yael Ben Dov. Didn't see her this week, but I have a feeling she's lurking around on those pay for view channels...

Her first claim to fame was with the Ambassador reality show, where nobody really loved her and she came across as a bit of a bitch, if I remember rightly (was it really only 3 years ago?). Since then she's done various TV jobs, (including this one, her first job after the Ambassador) while never really hitting the big time. But she's regularly onscreen so must be doing something right. Personally, I think that while not the most stunning of the Homo Sapiettes, she's got something very sexily Israeli about her, and is almost certainly the most intelligent. And she loves footie. Aye. Never mind that her favourite drink is Goldstar, I can live with that...I think...

Classroom sounds: The buzz of clippers...

Teaching Israeli third graders ain't that much fun, I can assure you. They seem to snap out of it in the fourth/fifth grades, but teaching English to third graders is a glorified term for baby-sitting.

Take this week: my school's fave student, hated loved by all, decided to outdo himself. After repeated calls to his parents over the last couple of weeks, when I diplomatically suggested he should have private lessons rather than disturb a whole group, they insisted he try one last time. So, I agreed. He came. With a pair of abandoned hair clippers he'd found outside in the street. Which he then unpacked in the class. And then plugged into the wall. And then started cutting his hair. The teacher (not me, one of my crew) chucked him out (with my blessing), or attempted to, but he wouldn't go. Calls to his parents went straight to the answering machine. So he stayed in the class, being a cheeky feck but a little scared that his parents were being contacted. To cut a long story short, his parents have still not got in touch with me after the messages I've left them...and I'm still not sure if the kid has some learning issues or is in need of some medication or is just a stupid little shit. From the one time I met him and his attempts to throw something at my car, I'm guessing it's the latter option...I'm not sure what his parents expect from me, but they can forget about any more English lessons...

Walk across the rooftops IV

And this would have made it even easier, if I wasn't such a stoopid...


* Taken with phone cam

Walk across the rooftops III

OK, so not exactly rooftops in this one, but this might have given it away...if I wasn't such a stoopid...


* Taken with phone cam

Butterflies

For those of you who understand what I'm on about, I'm getting excited about tonight's game. I think it will define Arsenal's season, though may be one of those games where my heart is constantly leaping out of my throat...hope not...but before then there are some little anglosaxies to pick up, some baths to be had, some Dora to be watched and some tucking in to be done. Yes indeed, big footie night also coincides with a big wedding that I had to turn down, so mrs anglosaxy has left me in charge while she goes off to down some alcohol...

Walk across the rooftops II

Yalla yalla...


* Taken with phone cam

Walk across the rooftops I

This week I'm taking you on a pictorial (ok then, 4 phone cam pix) walk across the rooftops of central Tel Aviv - but can you guess from which rooftop I took these pix? First one up is this one...


* Taken with phone cam

www

I was having reservations about the benefits of lashing out on my school website. It cost me a fair bit of blood, sweat and tears, but I knew that I had to get something a little more profesh than my original homemade version (though niftily laden with graphix provided by the missus). So splash out I did. And, after a slow start, it seems to be doing the business, today I had another potential student who left me their details via the site, to go with Friday's potential. That's every week now, someone new, or probably more correctly, somebody potentially new, via the site. I'm pretty impressed with this Intertent thingymejib.

Watch out!

This week at Open Spacey we had a nice lunch out on our balcony. The sun was out, a cool breeze was blowing and it was mighty fine. All that was missing was some amber nectar. Sat next to the boss, he turned to me and asked me what time it was. He then added that I was the only person he could ask because nobody else wore a watch. I looked around the table and yes, out of 14 people, only one other person had a watch (hidden under a sleeve...). My boss, who likes to talk a lot (don't they all), then blabbed on about this being the new world order, that nobody wears a watch any more. Hadn't ever noticed, but I was very surprised, I thought everybody wore a watch, despite the mobile phone, the clock on the computer, clock in the car etc...

So, do you still wear a watch?

No more skinny

Thank feck for that...

Eye Eye

Went for an eye test last week. Well, I actually went to buy some new specs, because Junior had managed to pull my only pair apart. Little buggar. Mistake on my part, I'd left them out overnight, he'd gotten up early, found them and proceeded to bend them to kingdom come...

So, anyway, I had an eye test too, just to make sure I'm not going too blind. And everything was OK, no changes in my prescription. But I mentioned to the cute, busty, blond (you see, my eyesight's fine...) optometrist that lately I'm finding small print, that's really small print (the one on most Israeli contracts), a little harder to read and I sometimes have to take my glasses off to make the text out. She looked at me, and said: "Are you 40?"

After softly and lovingly headbutting her, and convincing her that I'm still in my 30's, she informed me that once hitting 40, bi-focals are all the rage. A fairly mandatory rage, in fact. Oooh fuck, that made me feel old...but she checked my eyes out, using the small print in a standard Israeli landlord's contract and I passed with flying colors. So no pipe and slippers for me just yet!

What the hell am I? #46