Glancing back

2005, eh? What a year...

And as it draws to a close, it's time to take a quick look back at what happened throughout the year, particularly down anglosaxy castle way. Besides, who wants to relive all those moments that a million other blogs and sites will regurgitate? OK [ sigh ] we know Charles got hitched to the horsey Camilla, we know that Saddam couldn't find his pen in court, and we know that George W Bush has trouble opening Chinese doors. Things were much more Breaking News round my way...

The year started off pretty slowly, apart from the usual Corridor Land shenanigans. A 0% wage rise in January motivated a toe nail, the rest of me had long since lost the corporate spirit. The lusciously pregnant mrs. anglosaxy reached 30 in February while I called it quits on Anglosaxy in March (but restarted in June). Just needed a break. In the backgound, we moved out of Tel Aviv to smallsville, a 20 minute drive from Tel Aviv (when driving a Lamborghini flat out). The anglosaxy moment of the year came very early on July 6, a day sandwiched between London winning the Olympic bid and London getting bombed by terrorists. A pretty mind boggling 3 days for a Brit, though anglosaxy junior's entry into the world obviously had more of an impact personally. Since then, I've changed a lot of nappies, officially started the English school, had my parents over here for a quick holiday, had a cosy little Christmas, and got slightly disillusioned with life in the Holy Land...

I'll be honest - anglosaxy junior's arrival into my world has been the biggest event of my life, not just 2005. I wasn't sure that I'd feel like this, but it's quite amazing this parenthood malarky. I admit, we're having it lucky and he usually sleeps very well (I won't tell you exactly how well because you'll only get jealous). Would you believe it if I told you I occassionally open his flickr page while at work just to see his face...the other day I just sat there looking at one particular picture while smiling contentedly. It's easy to miss the little buggar!

Anyway, what does 2006 have in store for us anglosaxies? Who knows? Apart from an exotic trip planned for around May, we'll just have to wait and see what turns up...that's what it's all about, isn't it, seeing what life throws at you next?

A bubble

Iconic

Apparently there is a blossoming gay community at Corridor Land. It's fairly obvious who bats for the other side round here, but O assures me there are a number of less obvious candidates. They have their own little clique, their own gang. I bet they bitch about the Corridor Land females when they get together. Let's face it, I bitch about 'em (the females).

Anyway, after O returned last week from her trip to Europe to deal with a nudnik (pain in the arse) customer, she was happy to inform me that the gay member of staff that accompanied her had made a list with his boys of the "doable" guys at Corridor Land, according to looks and personality. And who was voted Corridor Land Gay Icon?

"Thank you, all those who voted for me...perhaps it was yesterday's black t-shirt with the pink print? From tomorrow I promise to wear my trousers a little tighter. I shall also endeavour to flirtaciously drop my pen at every opportunity..."

Xmas Xcess

As you know, I love Christmas. I especially love those sweet stocking fillers: Terry's Chocolate Orange, Cadbury's Snaps, Toblerone, Cadbury's Dairy Milk Buttons...need I go on?
At least after consuming this little lot and after seeing the bags of M&Ms O has left me after her little trip abroad, I'll have a pretty good idea what to put at the top of my New Year Resolutions List...(mmm, No. 1: lose a few kilos)...

And what did Santa overload us with this year? Well, apart from the usual socks, boxers, chocs, and stuff, mrs.anglosaxy decided to turn me into a blond. Yep, she bought a "wheat blond" hair dye kit, got me drunk, and then splashed it all over. Her idea completely, I didn't have a clue. Just a shame it didn't quite work out. I'm now a shade or two lighter than a few days ago, but nobody apart from O has noticed!

Blonds have more fun? Bah, humbug...

Not so Ho Ho Ho

Interesting article about Jewish-Christian couples in Israel at Christmas. Worth a read, though that first woman interviewed could probably do with perching on top of a spruce for a few days, if you get my drift...

Big fat bloke with a white beard on his way...

Well, Crimbo is almost upon us (and yes the house is fully bedecked, in case you were wondering, pic below). The presents have been wrapped, the lights are a twinkling, and it's a desperate battle trying to keep mrs. anglosaxy from opening the presents before tomorrow. She's got her eye on a biggish one under the tree, but she'll just have to wait...

I have to say that this Christmas I've actually 'felt' it a lot more. Might be down to our visit last week to Nazareth, might be because of anglosaxy junior and my new status as a Dad. Not sure why, but it's certainly a little different from past Christmas's. Though of course, it's nothing like being back home...

So, I just wanted to say "Merry Christmas" to all of you passing by my way and hope you have a good one. I'm off later for something alcoholic (in the plural) so excuse me while I rest my head tomorrow. Hopefully back on Monday, probably Tuesday.

And if you think I've been splashing the cash, think again, pretty much all of the presents you can see in the pic were brought over by my parents back in October. God bless 'em!

Homo Sapiette - December '05

Who's this?

She's your Christmas cracker!

Miri Bohadana. Possibly the bimboest of the homo sapiettes, but one you'd probably need for your Christmas stocking. Or even out of your Christmas stocking, whichever takes your fancy. I have to say, I've always taken a shine to her ever since a friend told me he beeped her with his horn because she was driving like an OAP and she gave him the finger in return. Feisty little number.

Actress, model, she started out young, wining Miss Beer Sheva at the age of 15. At 17 she came a close second in the Miss Israel contest and even got to participate in Miss World. Since then, she's been on telly in various things that have never really taken off. Today she stars in the Israeli soap, "Love around the corner". Bless her. Never one to shy away from the "bikini shot", we love her here at anglosaxy.

Think you'd better put something on love, it's going to be a cold weekend!

Yafo/Jaffa, however you spell it...

OK, so after bitching about Israel recently, it's my turn to be nice - Welcome to Yafo! Some touristy-like pics from a sunny early-morning visit last week. And you, the lazy bastard in the last pic, you're fired!

What do they teach 'em?

If someone asked you to find your own country on a world map, you'd be able to find it, even if it took you a couple of seconds, right? Right? I mean, seriously, how long could it possibly take you?

Well, last night, I almost called the Guiness boys. I'm sure a record was set in my classroom for the longest ever finger-pointing-desperately-trying-to-locate-Israel session. First of all it was Sweden, then Norway, then out to India, then back in to Germany, down to Italy ("I know it's near the Meditteranean..."), over to Turkey ( [ me ]"oooh, getting warm..."), down to Ethiopia ( [ me ] "eh?"), across to Libya...I couldn't take any more and pointed out Lebanon. A few seconds later we were home.

And who was the culprit this time (remember this guy?)? The PA of the CEO of a very big company in Israel, 30+ with 3 kids. I guess her kids won't be coming to her with their geography homework...

To bedeck or not to bedeck?

Right, Christmas is coming. The tree is up, the tinsel hung, the lights twinkling. All very merry. I love it.

One potential problem. Do the parents of the kids I teach want to see this? When they drop off little Johnny for some abc-ing do they suddenly envisage me turning into Jesus or even Santa? Are they thinking that I'm brainwashing them into becoming bacon-buttie consumers?

You know what, if there are any ignorant bastards who can't accept a bit of tinsel they can go take Johnny elsewhere...

Give it to me

OK, so I have a new school flyer ready to hit the streets. Just need an eye-catching headline to wow the citizens of smallsville. As 2006 looms, I'm leaning towards "Start 2006 the right way - the [ name of my school ] way!". But, lame springs to mind when I read it...anyone got any bright ideas?

The flyer has up-to-now proven reasonably successful, with an average of one student a week joining up. Not too shabby, especially since they don't cost anything what with me sleeping with my graphic designer and printer (yep, mrs. anglosaxy), and me doing the delivering. And since there's only been one round of flyers, I'm well chuffed. Research shows that people only start being aware/responding between the 3rd and 7th flyer dropping in their letterbox.

Slippery when wet

We drove up to Nazareth today for a bit of seasonal Jesus spotting. It's a fair old drive to buy a bit of tinsel, but worth it just to see the "Happy New Year" scrawlings in the window and to hear the Christmas carols playing in the background (sung in Arabic, of course) when bartering over the price of a lame plastic tree (when you get a couple of Santa hats thrown in to the deal, you know you're on to a winner). Anglosaxy junior also enjoyed himself and managed to charm the locals with his winning smile (from his father's side, I guess)...

The drive up to Nazareth was the scary part. What with the heavy rain that accompanied us most of the way up, it was "first one to 20" as we counted the accidents along the way. I've never seen so many accidents littered along the way...Feckin' amazing. Simply amazing. I've said it before and I'll be saying it again, but Israelis do not have a clue how to drive in the rain. Some might say that they don't know how to drive whatever the weather, but let's leave that for now...

Ain't it common sense to switch your lights on, take your foot off the gas, and keep a little distance when torrential rain is beating down faster than your wipers can wipe?

All I've got left to add is "baubles". Big, shiny Nazareth ones.

Kermit really does sing

Was down Nahalat Binyamin last Friday, having a pint or 3 of fine German ale, when I came across these guys...one of whom had Kermit impaled on his hand.

Actually very cute and entertaining, especially after the 3rd beer. And drawing a crowd non-stop for the good 2 or 3 hours they were playing (entirely in English, from what I heard). I'm not sure if they're there every week, but worth a listen...

Mrs. Anglosaxy said she wanted to take them home with her. Did she mean the puppets or the band? Mmmm...

The Office wrap-up

Wow.

Finally got to see the second (and a good job I didn't see this website before watching it...) and final Office Christmas special last night. Pure feckin' genius. I know I'm a little late but that was a great warm, fuzzy moment when Dawn came back for her man, accompanied by the sound of Yazoo's "Only You"...

Class.

I saw the first Xmas special when I was back in Blighty 2 Christmas's ago, but had to fly back to Israel and missed out on the second part. Thanks to the wonders of the Internet, all is well now.

As I'm always 2 years behind, maybe I should start watching Little Britain now...?

IE bites the dust

Well, that's me and Internet Explorer done. Finished. No more. After suddenly crashing on me and failing to load again, even after re-installing, I've decided (OK, I was forced) to go with Firefox. And from what I can see, it looks like I should have done so a whole lot sooner...the tab browsing is especially cute.

Israel: the godawful ugly...

So, the lists come to an end with this one...this could get very ugly. The absolute worst of Israel and why it might be a good time to get out...

1. The weather. July/August in Tel Aviv just ain't fun.
2. Israeli drivers. A law unto themselves. Worth blogging about.
3. Israeli women. I’ve met some nutters in my time…need details?
4. Plenty of rude fuckers who have absolutely no manners.
5. A “No Christmas” Zone. Some might say this is a blessing, but I miss Christmas…
6. Israeli music, especially that sing-along ding-a-ling Mizrahi shite.
7. Arsim (the chav equivalent).
8. Plenty of idiots with absolutely no idea what a queue is. Including those who make out they didn't realise there was a queue...
9. Religion vs the State. I'm officially an Israeli but cannot get married in this country.
10. Suckers (friers). And the eternal mission not to become one...
11. Politicians. Especially when faced with corruption/fraud charges. 'Nuff said.
12. Suicide bombings. 'Nuff said.
13. Religious freaks who try and dictate how I should live my life. Those uber-religious anglos, with their “oh, so superior” outlook on life are particularly annoying…
14. Racist attitude towards foreign workers.
15. Inept bureaucracy that depends on whether the clerk dealing with you actually got any loving the previous night (or year…).
16. The Israeli abroad. "But I vant my tomato cut in smaller bits, you idiot..." [ overheard in Bangkok ].
17. Spoilt kids/grown kids. That's right, live with Ma and Pa until you're 35, you loser...
18. Petah Tikva. Dimona. Bnei Brak. Truly godawful ugly towns.
19. Obsession with how much you paid: the second question always asked during a conversation is "How much did it cost?"
20. The ability to horribly astound me…even after 15 years…

Shall I go on?

Israel: the bad...

Continuing on from my last post, here are the things that are just plain bad here in the Holy Land. These are from a personal perspective, so don't take it, well, personally. It gets worse in the next post...Israel: the godawful ugly....

1. The weather (oooh, I could do with a drop of rain, love).
2. The people. Sometimes just too overbearing, too pushy, too arrogant.
3. Israeli women. Bitchy and possessive...need details?
4. Israeli football. I can't watch more than 5 minutes...
5. A lack of ability to understand British humour. Nudge, nudge, wink wink. Saynamore.
6. Tel Aviv at the weekend. The out-of-townies invade and settle.
7. Total disregard of personal space.
8. The desire to be "America/American".
9. Israeli beer. Let's face it, Maccabi and Goldstar are crap.
10. Shitty customer service. Especially the cable and phone companies...
11. Israeli humour. Hagashash Hachiver. Shhvvvunnng, right over my head...
12. Suffocating family life (the other-half's).
13. "Hiyeh beseder" "It'll be OK" - the Israeli attitude to a problem that needs resolving, but won't get resolved.
14. TV. What's with all the singing and dancing programs recently? Strewth...
15. Hebrew. Sorry, but it just sounds bad...
16. Lack of a drinking culture means Israeli friends drink one and are floored. Or you have 3 or 4 and people start looking...
17. The price of renting/buying a hovel (and I mean a hovel) in Tel Aviv.
18. The failure to appreciate the value of correctly written/spoken English beyond Israel's borders.
19. Obsession with mobile phones.
20. Price of toiletries: $6-7 for deodorant??

Israel: the good...

OK, so after my post a few days ago, I got thinking (ouch, it hurts to think!), trying to weigh up the pros and cons for and against Israel. And I came up with 3 lists: Israel - the good, the bad, and the godawful ugly. Today it's the turn of Israel: the good. All those things that are truly great about this country, at least to me. And that might just convince me to stay that little bit longer. Maybe.

1. The weather. 28C in December anyone?
2. Tel Aviv. A Brit I met in China was here a couple of months ago and he finally understood why I've spent so long here...
3. Tel Aviv beach, including luscious beer-suckling sunsets. Just a step away from the heart of the city.
4. The Med Sea.
5. The Dead Sea.
6. The Red Sea.
7. The late-night night-life. Many restaurants, pubs, cafe's have opened in the last few years and they don't close at 11pm...
8. Yemenite Jachnun on a Saturday morning.
9. Israeli women. More passionate than most...you need details?
10. The people. Once you get to know them, Israelis can be the most hospitable on the planet. But you have to get to know them first.
11. Relaxed dress code. Means jeans and t-shirts for moi.
12. Compactness. Means you can travel around the whole country fairly easily.
13. The Desert, complete with camels, Beduin and amazing scenery.
14. Snorkelling in Eilat/Sinai.
15. Freedom to express yourself. With gesticulating hands and arms.
16. Twist chocolate bars.
17. The drive down to the Sea of Galilee. And then the drive around it.
18. The perks my mother-tongue English can still wangle...
19. Humus and pita bread. And if you're especially hungry, the huge Iraqi pita bread.
20. The ability to amaze me, in both good and bad ways, even after 15 years here.

Coming next, Israel: the bad...

Tel Aviv 1953 2005

Another pic I like, because there's a lot of small things going on. OK, so click it to get a better idea. There's the horse and carriage stopped at the red light, the guy looking out of the window (on the right), the crane in the background, the "Na na nachman" hasidic chant scrawled on the wall...is that guy going for a slash in the corner?

75% round these parts...

As a turkey-gobbling, bauble-dangling heathen, I'm feckin' amazed to see this little story. How far is this PC wagon going to go...?

"To ease fears of offending other faiths and excluding minorities, firms are increasingly banning Christmas decorations and traditions from the workplace."

So, I'd just like to declare that 75% of the anglosaxy household will be celebrating Christmas this year, including decorations and stockings (though I won't be wearing any this year. Maybe.). We might be in one of the most un-Christmassy places on the planet, but this year it's going to be momentous. A party is planned, a new tree has been ordered, the whiskey has been opened picked up...

As I'm sure you're aware, the only PC round our way is the Bill Gates'-driven monster sulking in the corner.

Splash it all over, son

Anglosaxy junior had a bit of a smoker's cough this past week. I keep telling him to steer clear of the B&H, but he does so love those shiny golden packets. Try telling a five month old that all that glitters is not gold...

Anyway, the nanny came up with a solution. Olive oil. "You mean he needs a sip of olive oil?" I said. Sounded reasonable, I thought. "No, are you crazy?! We need to rub it all over his chest..." With that, she yanked up his top, poured a liberal amount into her right hand, and started massaging away. He didn't seem to mind, and you know what, it seems to have worked. Some of these old wives' tales really do work. Maybe.

Probably was best that we weren't in the kitchen at the time, otherwise I would have been tempted to throw on some breadcrumbs and toss him into the frying pan...

Animal magic

What sound does a frog make?

This is not a trick question...what frog sound did you learn to make when growing up?

Let 'em eat bread

In a desperate attempt to assure me that Israel ain't all that bad, mrs. anglosaxy has recently started baking her ass off. Chocolate cakes, roast chicken dinners, and now, to top it all, fresh bread...the one on the left below is decked with sesame seeds, the one on the right with finely chopped onion. She's a doll.



What with the nanny doing her bit to bring some Iraqi-type dishes (kubeh anyone?) into our lives, I'm turning into a bit of a porker. Right, better get off and start posting some school flyers, sweat it all off...

Oink.

Hi-tech? Wassat then?

I'm not saying our nanny is a bit on the simple side.
OK then, I am.
But when she asked me this morning: "You work in hi-tech, right, Master Anglosaxy? Maybe you know Moshe?" I had to smile.
That fledgling cottage industry known as "hi-tech".
She's a love.

*
*

Another thing: anyone else notice the uncanny resemblance between Israel's underworld kingpin (pack yer bags!) and Eastenders' own crime boss Johnny Allen? I blame mrs. anglosaxy for the Eastenders addiction. Entirely. But she loves it when I go Cockney. "Can't get me head round it"...

Peace in the Middle East?

Signs of good things happening...?

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is for real. the Mode have never played in Israel and their coming over, or even thinking about it, is fecking magnificent.

Meanwhile, whatever your opinions on the world game, you've got to agree that it can be a bridge builder. Tonight sees Barcelona, complete with undoubtedly the best player in the world (if you haven't seen the Ronaldinho crossbar clip, take a look at this), take on a united Israel-Palestinian team in the name of peace. OK, it's a bullshit game, but the message is a positive one. Goaallll!

The searchers

Recently, it's been kinda entertaining looking up the stats I have over on Blog Patrol. I don't take it too seriously, these stat figures, though it's interesting to see the reasons behind any sudden spikes in the numbers. OK, so I know a few of you come by now and again, but it's those one-time visitors I love. And their search keywords which bring them my way.

My Top 10 favourites (100% kosher, honest guv):

"Sexy Olympic high-jumping pics" Don't look at me, mate.
"Twinkle video homo" Er, again, nothing to do with me.
"saucy sandi" OK, so I've mentioned sandy a couple of times.
"bloody ell no need 2 shout" Oy, guv'nor, whattcha on about?
"people having sax" Might I interest you in a trumpet?
"mature escorts in tel aviv" Er, my neighbour is 75. A right piece of crumpet. Interested?
"7 year old kid friend" Michael J, enough is enough...
"shout shout let it gone out depeche mode" Oh dear. Mixing up your lyrics and your bands. Feck off.
"Miss petach tikva 2005" Ugly, ugly, ugly.
"ARAB SAX" Please.

Mmm, strange that nearly all of these searches come via MSN...Google seems to attract a better kind of surfer, dahling....

Do me a fecking favour

Eeeee, it's chilly round these parts. A cold, northerly wind is ruffling my hair as M pulls on a second pair of socks. The icicles are beginning to form on his nose. He can't feel his toes, and I certainly ain't going to go and rub 'em...

"From November to April I always wear two pairs of socks".

Hang on, let me check the thermometer again.

28 degrees C. Fair enough. Why, I'd also pull on another pair...if only they'd slip over me flip-flops.

The end of the road for these two

RIP, Georgie boy. A bit before my time, but, like everyone, I bought into the legend.

As for you Mr Glitter, any last requests? "Do You Wanna Touch Me? (Oh Yeah)". Uh-huh.

Give me strength...yet again

Continued...

[ bit long and introspective this one ]

So, an exit from the glamorous world of hi-tech is looming.

Hi-tech just ain't doing it for me. OK, the money can be good, the benefits are great...but it's not quite enough, is it? I think I can sum it up as Soulless-Geek city. The delight in being ignored by super-geek "Yes" men when you happily greet them with a "Boker Tov" (Good Morning) in the corridor soon wears off after a while. Like I said before, maybe other companies are a complete dream to work for, but after my round of interviews a few months ago, I'm not so sure...

Where does that leave little ol' anglosaxy? Well, my English school is slowly but surely warming up. Students are into double-figures. The tax authorities now have me tagged, the invoices, t-shirts, website, flyers are all ready to go. I've learnt a lot of sparkling marketing ideas over the last couple of weeks and I'm sure that the school will be a success. Rock solid sure.

But...

...I'm struggling.

I'm struggling with Israel.

Maybe the Holy Land and myself need a break. Just for a bit. This isn't my home, after all. As She put it last week, she'll always feel American, rather than Israeli, despite 15 years here. So, imagine how I feel sometimes, not even being one of the Chosen People. I know every country has its own crap, but I'm getting sick of a few things here...OK, I have a beautiful wife, an angel for a kid, my own business, good health, etc. etc. And grateful for each of those, believe me. But, something is wrong, and has been for some time. Something needs changing.

I thought that after moving out of Tel Aviv earlier this year, things might change.
I thought that starting up the school would shake things up a bit.
I thought that my new, amazing son would kick things into a new orbit.

But it hasn't. I do generally enjoy my life outside the Corridor, don't get me wrong, but I need a change. What can I say? I don't think I'm always looking for a change, but I do need fresh challenges, otherwise I get myself into impetus-lacking ruts. Like right now.

Maybe Israel is the easy target, easy to blame. Maybe. Maybe if the school really takes off and I find myself printing shekels, things could change. Maybe. Personally, I think a break from Israel would be good for me and the other anglosaxies, a change of scenery, a change of pace, a change of culture. And the other anglosaxies are inclined to agree with me, at least junior is...

And I'm not completely green to realise that getting away from Israel will be idyllic. Wherever we end up we'll miss here, there will be problems, it won't be an easy ride. But the thought of it, excites me, gets my juices flowing. And fuck it, life is short, why stay here when we have other options? What do we have to lose? A few thousand shekels in air fare? Bejesus...Mrs. anglosaxy has her family here, a family business she can always fall in and out of. Me? I usually fall on my feet wherever I go, so I'm not worried.

So, what's the plan?

Let's just say that I'm checking out all my options, exotic and non-exotic. I'm working on the school constantly these days, even going out tonight to deliver a whole bundle of flyers myself. The school will work. If something comes up in the meantime, I'll either sell it or get someone else to take over (my preferred option). A couple of things are in the pipeline, but I'm checking them out very thoroughly before getting serious. I will keep you posted.

UPDATE: I wrote this last night and wanted to sleep on it before posting. If you want to share your thoughts, feel free...

Normal service will be resumed shortly.

Elections? Get outta here...

Interlude

If you think the Israeli elections are going to be discussed in great depth on anglosaxy, you are sorely mistaken. No new political parties round these parts, no party leaders speaking crappily poor English, especially those with furry upper lips, no reports on the already boring TV coverage...

This area has been designated an...




Mind the doors...

Give me strength, again...

Continued...

Soul destroying. I think that's the expression I'd use to describe my office environment. I was thinking about it on the drive-in to work this morning. And then hearing O's description about how she was forced to come in on Friday and work until 11pm, hammered in the nail...

Listen, I'm sure there are hi-tech companies who really look after their workers and spoil 'em rotten whenever they get a chance. Or maybe not. Whatever. I just know that I gave my all to this place in my first year or so, was eaten up, chewed up and spat out and have been looking for the Exit sign ever since. O is being shat on from a great height but is only now beginning to hear the whhoooosshh as it heads her way.

Once upon a time I loved saying I worked in Israeli hi-tech, and there was a time when it was definitely the industry to be in. The love affair ended with the burst of the Nasdaq bubble and the subsequent cutbacks. Never mind. I'm pissed at myself for putting up with the shit. Then again, I've come through at the other end of the tunnel with probably the easiest tech writing job in the country. Really. Nobody has it easier than me, trust me.

And there lies the problem. Because it's not just the mindless meetings that bore me shitless, it's the lack of a challenge, the lack of any real impetus to my day. My boss has even told me that she won't fire me. How scary is that? I'm locked in for good, unless...

...I make a move, for better or for worse, into the realms of the self-employed. My school idea is taking off nicely, picking up the odd student here and there and learning a lot of business tricks and treats along the way. More of which I'll post about in the coming days. So you can see the direction in which I'm moving, right?

Ha ha! You're almost right...!

To Be Continued...

Sign my boy up!

My boys are coming! I'm impressed. Good job I ordered that oversized top for anglosaxy junior...he'll probably squeeze into it come next year's summer tournament. Not sure he'll be able to run by then, though...

Childbasher?

Today is anglosaxy junior's first day alone in the hands of a complete stranger. Yep. We hired a nanny to look after him 4 days a week, while me and mrs. anglosaxy go out and earn the bacon (oink, oink, kerchinnnng!). I like to think of myself as a fairly cool parent, not getting too hysterical about anything, and persuaded the missus that we don't need a surveillance camera watching the nanny's every move...

In Israel recently, there have been cases of nanny's taking the piss and slapping the crap out of the kids they're supposed to be looking after and it seems to have created a whole new industry in spy cams and listening devices (not that the Israelis are new to the surveillance industry, of course...), specifically geared towards nanny-minding. But no, we resisted the idea, mainly because my intuition, which is a finely-tuned instrument and is well respected by the missus, reckons that she'll be fine.

But still, that moment when I walked out of the house, leaving him alone in there...

Tel Aviv street

Don't know why but I love this street shot.

Give me strength

I have to take my hat off. Really.

I have no idea how they do it, but some people just enjoy slaving away at Corridor Land the Labyrinth. They simply know no other way. They simply wouldn't have it any other way. They'll bend over backwards, turn themselves inside out, and then pull out any last remaining hair just to make sure that that button which underwent endless redesign for 6 months still displays a 10 word error message when clicked...

Surely the software running their brains is of an outdated and no longer supported version? I sit and watch them toiling over life and death decisions - mmm, red or dark blue for the text? - and just chuckle, quietly, knowingly...the day will surely come when that upgrade will bring them back into the real world. A world that will no longer revolve around dialog boxes and databases and other words beginning with 'd'...

Me, I'm struggling to hold on to the facade that my upgrade is obviously no longer compatible with. I come in to the office, slide my chair over the polished parquet, tuck myself in alongside my computer and hardly move for the next few hours. It's draining me, this constant compatibility problem. It ain't me. It's some other poor buggar hitting those keys...some other buggar toiling away, fixating on the monthly paycheck while his upgraded brain maps a brilliant future out...

To Be Continued

Tackling the tackle

"The cutters were blunt so I had to keep snipping."

In-fecking-sane.

Homo Sapiette - November '05

About time our Yaeli was selected, me thinks.

I've tried steering clear of the "big guns", but Yael Bar Zohar has to be one of Israel's biggest celebs - everything she does still grabs headlines and warrants her appearance on chat shows. Just last week, it was her and her fresh new hubbie, Guy Zoharetz, on Yair Lapid's (Hebrew)season opener. Just to deny any rumors she was pregnant. Wow. Amazing. Perhaps a slight reflection of Israel's steering towards the celeb culture and all things shiny and pretentious? Mmmm...

Anyway, we still love Yael because she's always ready to pop on her bikini...

Despite the gloss, she is possibly one of the cutest Israelis out there, that smile of hers must win a few admirers every week...she is also one of those stars that seems to have been around forever. Who remembers her extraordinarily bad acting in Ramat Aviv Gimmel, one of Israel's first soap operas? Her role? A rather busty, lolita-like 16 year old. "Sexploitation!" I hear you cry. What, in Israel? Naahh...

Ever since, she has consistently popped up here and there, never really doing anything of any real note, like a good movie or even a decent TV show of her own, but she's always been there for us, ready to flash her smile and other bits. Recently she's been fronting the Fox (an Israeli clothing company, with a surprisingly good English web site) campaigns, rather saucily I have to say, but we ain't grumbling...


Might be pushing it, but I'd hazard a guess she's here to stay...

One for you, and one for me...

I know I was tagged way back with the book meme thingee, but I thought the easiest way out thing to do was show you a pic of the books my parents brought over with them last month. As you can tell, some of them aren't for me (that's my story and I'm sticking to it)...

< /kop out>

Anglosaxy junior's favourite is the Three Little Pigs. Good kosher start, my boy...

End of an era

Went to a wedding the other night, an old friend who got hitched to an Israeli based in the US. I felt shite, what with my heavy cold doing some damage (and still doing, can't shake the buggar off...), but if felt great seeing her again after a good couple of years. She's actually Yemenite, so that meant she and her groom went the full hog and dressed up like this. First time I've actually seen it done like this...all I can say is Thank God mrs. anglosaxy ain't Yemenite.

Why the end of an era? Well, she's probably the last real connection with my early days in Israel. I've known her for something like 13-14 years and she's always been around, giving me good advice when I needed a good slapping, providing alibis when I was where I wasn't supposed to be, and generally being a good mate. So, I'm going to miss you, me old darlin', because I have a feeling we won't be seeing that much of one another the next few years...

Mazal Tov!

the Mode

The Basildon boys are back with another classic. This is what they call a grower. Me and O are into this disk at the moment (well, I'm not giving her much say in the matter) and we're swapping stories about how we grew up with them - apparently they are fecking big in Russia. And of course, how unlikely that they'll make it to Israel one day...

25 years strong...

Shame it was only a friendly

Gotta love the England. Cracking game.

Took out all my nerves on the next door neighbour who has taken to drilling and banging away at all hours. A few choice words were said because the guy is a dick. He doesn't want to start drilling at 5pm on a Friday afternoon (Friday afternoon is siesta time in Israel), ever again. Ever. Or Saturday evenings at 8.30 during the climatic finish to an England /Argentina game...

I didn't tell you about the parking incident, did I? Better not, coz you might think I've turned into an "arse" (Arabic slang for a pimpy kind of bastard). I think I'm getting a reputation round these parts. Fuck 'em.

New Romantics

"Ma'ayan and Motty were here and wild sex."

Nice spot.

"Shout, shout, let it all out..."

Whenever you've gone to the cinema, I bet at least some of you have wanted to shout, and I mean shout:

"Oy, baldie, stick that shiner right back down!"
OR
"SSSsssssssshhhhhh!"
OR
"Shut that fucking mobile before I ram it where the sun don't shineth!"

Well, yesterday, I outdid myself while watching W and G (cracking movie by the way, great entertainment!). Poisoned by a bit of birthday bravado, I let rip with all 3 of the above. I swear. No pulling of plonkers, or legs. Did help that the cinema was completely empty except for me and mrs. anglosaxy. Helped just a tad. Mrs. A was adamant that she'd planned it that way, but seeing as we'd only decided on W and G a few hours earlier, I'm leaning towards a bit of creative thinking on her part...

Pretty bleedin' great though, having the whole cinema to yourself.

"It's your birthday, it's your birthday..."

"...it's your birthday, we gon' party like it's your birthday, we gon' sip Bacardi like it's your birthday..."
[ / unfolds arms ]

That time of year again, when the mid-30's are getting harder to cling on to...but, feck that, it's only a number, right?

So, bunking off work today** with the missus, coz I'm still officially 'sick' (the whiskeys I drank last night were purely medicinal...). We're headed off behind the bicycle sheds for a quick fag and then off to the chippie...alright then, we're headed off to watch this movie and after that for some sushi. Every year she asks me, and every year I give her the option of any Asian nationality (last year I wanted Chinese), but she always makes the same mistake and we end up in a restaurant, rather than being accompanied home by a petite Oriental. Ahh, maybe next year.

** Do I really want to hear "Happy Birthday" performed by some of Corridor Land? If ever there was a reason to bunk off work, this is it, gold-plated. Really, if you're going to sing me 'Happy Birthday', put some welly into it...or at least line me up a couple of Asian darlings to massage my shoulders while you sing...And while on the subject, what is this tradition of the birthday celebrant bringing in cakes to celebrate his/her birthday? Purely Israeli, right? If you want to celebrate my birthday, you bring the feckin' cakes!

uh-uh-uuuupppchhheeeeeeee!!

*sneeze*
*cough*
*wheeze*

"Got any Lemsip, guv?"

"It ain't pink mate, it's purple"

Aye, this place was my first home in Israel, a place I called home for almost a year. It was once painted all pink and purple, and called, remarkably, The Purple House. A legend amongst us backpackers at the start of the 90's.

Its heyday was pre-pre-Internet, I'm afraid, and the only link I could find was this little one (they're wrong in saying that the place closed down during the Gulf War - I was there, complete with my gas mask and a few other hardy souls - this is the same place I ran back to when the sirens blasted out, as told here)...

There's a lot of memories behind the rundown, dirty facade, some of which I'd better not go into, what with the ancestors looking on...let's just say a lot of beers were downed, a lot of sand was brought home from the beach across the road, and local girls were, well, lusted after. I won't mention the water-bombing incident, or the drug OD-er, or the Arab employees getting beaten up by police...

My first night in Israel was spent here (as well as most of the nights for the subsequent year), so despite its current sorry state, I still have a big spot for the place in my heart. I'm looking at each of the windows and balconies, and there's a flood of faces coming back to me...

Extra bonus point to anyone who can give me the street it sits in. Clue: it's mighty close to the sea.

501=10

My 501st post is just a quickie.
Today is the 10th anniversary of the assassination of Yitzhak Rabin. 10 feckin' years eh? Flying by or what? For some good local blogging about this somber occasion, you should go here or here.
That's it.
502 coming soon.

500

Bloody 'ell.

This is my 500th anglosaxy post. It's taken close to 2 years, and a lot of blood, sweat and tears (and lashings of beer) to reach this milestone. But aren't you glad you stuck with me? Through thick and thin we've passed, from windowless corridors to sumptuously parqueted offices, from the single life to family man, from the heart of Tel Aviv to smallsville (and maybe back again real soon, but that's another posting...). You and me baby, we saw it all. Come 'ere and give us a hug!

I thought about posting a link to some of my most commented upon postings, but at a quick glance, I can tell you that this one (my departure) and this one (new kid on the block) were way out in front. So, instead, a few of my favourite postings out of the last 499, for anyone new popping by...

Lush new offices (Sept '05)
Confessions (Aug '05)
Give an Arab a knife (July '05)
Thirtieth (Feb '05)
You know you've been in Israel too long... (Jan '05)
Tiger leaping (Nov '04)
Hong Kong Phooey (Oct '04)
Driving in Israel (May '04)
Mamma Mia (Feb '04)
Chiko (Jan '04)

Smile please

I'm not particularly clued up on the latest mobile gadgetry ("Video messaging? Who exactly is going to send me a video message?") and could quite happily slap those people that subject others to the full range of ringtones on their phone while trying to select the most annoying ringtone possible, but yesterday I got myself one of these...

Would be even better if Orange had activated the new SIM card, coz, well, then I might just be able to make a call...

In the meantime, it's a toss-up between Britney, Justin and Eyal Golan for the general ringtone. Just kidding. I think. Hang on, let me run through all those tones again...aaaaggghhh!!!

Yum

Isn't this the best chocolate bar in the world? I've got a whole box of 'em at home (cheers ancestrals), so be nice and I might let you 'ave a whiff...



Couple of questions:
Why aren't they spelt "Dime"?
And why can't I find them in Israel?

Room with a view

My sumptuously parqueted office has a much better view than the ol' corridor. Get loads of planes coming in to land nearby, I think O is getting worried that I'm turning into one of those anoraked plane-spotters...

Here she comes, another beauty, heading for our building...

And there she goes (OK, not the same plane as in the first pic, but you get the idea)...

If you look carefully you can see the fear etched on the faces of the passengers at the windows! Some of them probably have a clue what Israel is all about, but for those first-timers, dear oh dear...

Marak Regel

Bejesus, that's disgusting!

I've just discovered that Marak Regel (Leg (or foot?) Soup), is really made of legs (calves legs). I'd always presumed it was just a soup nickname, you know, a name that kids give it when growing up...

You don't want to hear the description that mrs. anglosaxy's momma just gave me about how she orders her portion of leg...and you don't want to know about the electric saw used to slice the leg into manageable pieces (coz, well, you wouldn't want a metre of leg sticking out of your soup bowl...).

I never did like the taste of it, but fuck that, now I'm steering well clear.

Soothing

When the bombs are going off around you, when you've had a shitty day, when you've thought about getting that sledgehammer out and taking care of the neighbour's kids...

This little fella puts it all into perspective...

Bright and furry in Tel Aviv

October, 2005

Leftover scraps

Some leftovers from the ancestral pilgrimage to the Holy Land:

"Ooooh, these Israelis aren't half rude. They keep pushing past me without so much as a 'Sorry' or 'Excuse me'..."

"'Ere son, what are these little brown things the waitress keeps serving alongside the beers?"

"How do they still have something to talk about...?" (after the 6th hour at an in-law visit)

The normal reactions from any sane Brit when visiting Israel. I've been there too...

Oh yeh. One last thing - Miri Aloni. Get over yourself love. My parents weren't taking pictures of you, so chill out and rein in those illusions of grandeur. No need to make a scene, I think, you old has-been. What was that from the back, nice voice shame about the face? Oooh...

Hostee with the mostee

I love having people over for a bit of a barbie and some beers. The generous side of me comes steaming through, ready to ply anyone and everyone with booze and burnt kebabs. I'm guessing the missus isn't of the same generous persuasion (she always enjoys herself once she has a glass of something nice and sparkly...), though my washing up persona probably eases some of the trauma.

This weekend ended up as a marathon stay-at-home session (except for the anglosaxy Friday morning beach tour, which ended up in Netanya this time...), what with the constant flow of visitors that dropped by. Starting Friday night, continuing on Saturday morning at 10 and going right through until 8pm, I can safely inform you that beers were downed, babies cooed and aahed at, kebabs were burntcooked on the barbie, and copious amounts of Israeli jokes completely vooooooomed over my head...

Me thinks I'd like to do this for a living one day (minus the Israeli jokes), though my head tells me that doing it for pleasure and doing it for a salary are two different things entirely...

Been there, seen that

In response to the good load of tips some of you gave me, here are the places and activities we managed to cross off the list while my parents were here, though I'm guessing some of the pics over the last few days might have given a hint or 2...

• Jewish New Year family gathering (with 60 plus tribal members...)
• Post Yom Kippur synagogue tour (with 5000+ hungry Jewish worshippers...)
• Dip in the Dead Sea
• Dip in the Red Sea (we won't mention the cold water, right...?)
• Dip in the Med Sea
• En Gedi
• Neot HaKikar
• Yotvata
• Eilat
• Mitzpeh Ramon
• Herzliya Marina
• Banana beach (Tel Aviv)
• Carmel Market (Tel Aviv)
• Nahalat Binyamin (Tel Aviv)
• Old Yemenite Quarter (Tel Aviv)
• Dizengoff (Street and Center) (Tel Aviv)
• Oriental singer festival, Friday afternoon, South Tel Aviv (yep, minus myself and mrs. anglosaxy...)
• Zichron Yaacov

This is what it's all about...

Herzliya Marina, October 2005

Nasty

Nasty shit. I'm particularly impressed with his giving her 15 shekels (less than 2 quid) to keep shtum.

Weathering it

Well, yes, it's been raining the last couple of days, but since I haven't actually seen or felt any rain beating down on me I refuse to give up the t-shirts and flip-flops. The roads are all shiny and wet, puddles are rampant, the sandy car park is now a quagmire, and Israelis all around me are wearing jumpers and hoodies...but I still haven't seen any brass monkeys, so, for now, the jury is out (waiting for the next heatwave).

Sing-along-an-anglosaxy

My car (with its CD player) is now my only place of refuge...

To counter mrs. anglosaxy's constant barrage of Hebrew nursery rhymes, I have started listening to the tape of English nursery rhymes brought over by my parents. I'm now fully literate in Humpty Dumpty and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and I'm quite chuffed to report that anglosaxy junior is getting a laugh out of Humpty Dumpty, while the Hebrew efforts are, very sadly, still being unappreciated. Real shame that. It must be the way you tell them darlin'...

Christ. I'm turning into Mr Suburbia.

Hooray Henry

Records are there to be broken and last night this guy broke the all-time Arsenal goal scoring record, held by Wrighty. Big respect, and welcome back TH14, we missed you badly.

Rollercoaster

Yesterday saw my parents return home to Blighty.
A couple of tears from mrs. anglosaxy.
Then straight from the airport to a funeral.
Paying respects to a young mum tragically struck down by the big C.
At 7, off to a big, fancy wedding.
Cheers and beers, and even Eyal Golan (he really is an ugly buggar).
Weird day.

As close as we got

Masada desert fortress, October 2005

What do you mean I can't get a drink?

Nahalat Binyamin, Tel Aviv, October 2005

Anglosaxy gets taken from behind

Cheeky ancestral shot, Mitzpeh Ramon, October 2005