Pulling in the skinflints

OK, HR bitches are a piece of cake. I know I can handle them. It's just when they offer you a deal that is just over half of what you currently make, with a big smile on their face, that you realise that this just ain't going to work...

[ sigh ] Back to the drawing board for my dream lifestyle...

Hard to tell...

...which way today's Euro 2008 final will go. Germany are always there or thereabouts, while Spain have the players to cause them serious problems. What is nice to see is 2 Arsenal players in the final; a crazy, talented, if a little past it Lehmann (who I lurved in his prime, but is now leaving Arsenal in a few days) versus an extraordinarily talented whippersnapper Fabregas, who, mark my words, will be a super superstar in another 2 or 3 years. And these two players may well have a big say in what actually happens tonight...a goof from Lehmann, or a magical through ball from Cesc...which will it be?

As 99% of Israel will be rooting for Spain (might just well be some historical reasons for the choice...), I will be going with the majority tonight, possibly in a rowdy pub somewhere. And a special mention for the ancestor, who at the start of the tournament put the family jewels on Germany taking it. For the sake of the ancestress, who faces losing her diamond collection, I hope you pull it off...

What the hell am I? #51

HR bitches

I want to know why it is that all HR interviewers are complete bitches. Really. I tried my warmest smile, my most charming lines were polished and perfectly timed and yet not a flicker of a response. I'm pretty sure I didn't have a horrible slimey bogie hanging out of my nose, and I definitely didn't let rip with something noisy and smelly, so I'm not sure why she seemed to want to stab me with the large pair of scissors on her desk...

But she hasn't been the first I'm afraid. I've had many an encounter with a stroppy bitch when interviewing. My most memorable was when I had to face two bitches at the same interview. Both HR, both nasty pieces of work. I smiled contentedly when I later heard the company had gone bust...

WTF is it with these people? Are they intentionally trying to make your life hell for half an hour? Do they learn these people skills at HR college? Do they not realise they are representing their company and really coming across like a bag of shite? I really don't get it. And I'm not sure this is an Israeli thing, I have a feeling there is a worldwide HR conspiracy to scare future employees and to snuff out any potential happiness or pleasure...

But I'm still pretty sure I got the job. All due to my lucky eyebrows, of course.

Balcony Flowers iv

Last of the balcony flowers...more color isolation for you with some trees in the background.

I've got to get out of here...

If I don't get out of Open Spacey soon, I might well end up like this guy...

A real-life Ghost Town

Drove down South at the weekend, to get a taste of Southern living. Ended up in Sderot, a town those of you from outside Israel have probably never heard of, but a town which is probably lingering around in the subconscious of most Israelis. I'm definitely on their side, I think it must be an absolute fucking nightmare (currently there's a cease-fire, one of the reasons we felt it was reasonably safe to go there) to live there, constantly listening out for the wail of the siren warning of incoming Qassams. Can't imagine what it's like, especially with the added responsibility of kids, though I do recall the Gulf War sirens playing havoc with my nerves...

I could post some pix of Sderot that I took, but they look like everytown on a Saturday, all deserted and shut, with just a few people wandering around, mostly on their way to synagogue. Felt very empty, like something was missing...

Also had a beer in Ashkelon, just up the road from Sderot, which has also been on the receiving end of some Qassams recently. Sorry, but that is one ugly town, not quite the ugliest in Israel, but whoever designed those blocks of sea view apartments obviously only had a profit on his mind. Perhaps it wouldn't hurt if a few Qassams landed there...

Balcony Flowers iii

Still got it

Just when I thought my touch might have deserted me, I get a call from the HR department of the company I went for an interview a while back (wow, almost a month). I've got a "double-header" for later this week, one interview with her and then another with the Vice Prez of some department or other. The company seem OK, my potential boss seems OK, and the hours seem GREAT, so hopefully we can kiss goodbye to Open Spacey real soon. I'm one charm offensive away from getting my working day set up so that I can actually breathe...

Balcony Flowers ii

Some bloomin' pink from the balcony, just before the sun seems to have wreaked its damage...

Wind wind wind

I have one particular mother who wound me up something rotten before she finally paid up her outstanding bill. Which actually involved me going round to her house and collecting the cheque personally, but never mind.

Anyway, after a few weeks she started calling me again and wouldn't let go...she'd heard about one of my teachers and wanted her son to join up again. So, after some heavy-duty ignoring failed to pay off, I finally agreed, just as a window opened up in my schedule. So, after listening to this mother's requests, and oh yeh, does she have some requests, he had his first lesson and all went well. The next week his mother called 10 minutes before the lesson to cancel, which, after previously explaining to her that I need 24 hours prior notice, really pissed me off. This week she outdid herself. I warned the teacher that he might not turn up so the teach called the mother 5 minutes before he was supposed to come and lo and behold, he was at the dentist with his mother, she had forgotten to call...

Oh dear. I think I'll forget to tell her that her time slot is cancelled. No, in fact the school will be closed when she and her son next expect a lesson (actually her son's lesson is the last one for the day so works out well). All dark and closed up and forgotten...you give me some respect baby, I'll throw some your way...

Fuck me, some people really don't give a toss do they?

It really kicks off tonight...

Tonight sees the start of the Euro quarter-finals, the games actually worth watching. My money was on France (I know I know) so now I don't really care who wins it. However, after seeing the Ruskies slice through the Blonds last night, I was very impressed. They are my new favourites, though might find it a bit harder against Holland in their quarter-final. That game should be a cracker.

Nice piece from Frank Skinner about being an England fan during the Euros - only for those of us who really understand the pain...

Sounds of fatherhood IV

Walking into the kids' room and hearing that sweet little snore, and then a snuffle, as I cover up any exposed parts with their blankets. Gets me every time.

Balcony Flowers

Some color isolation for you from my balcony. Not the cleanest, but I like the cars in the background. More flowers to come, before the heat totally wipes them out...

PoopnScoop

We're going through toilet training at the anglosaxy castle these days. Nope, we haven't bought a puppy, but we have little junior doing his best puppy impressions all over the place. He's actually caught on pretty quick and loves flashing his nice new Y-fronts to all and sundry. The little flasher. Even juniorette is on the act as she hates to be left out of the action, and she's even managed to download some files while perched on the mini-throne...

Don't know about you, but there's just something very primitive about catching your little boy squatting on your carpet and unleashing a steaming hot pile of crap. Cavemen and dinosaur sort of primitive...

I love these things to bits...

It's been over a year since I've had to suffer the extraordinary bullshit of an employee appraisal (remember my last one?), but Open Spacey seem to be going for the jugular. Apart from the form to complete, there is an accompanying 6 page doc on "company definitions". For example, under Ability to Work Independently, there is a list of definitions, including Assumes responsibility for completion of projects without prodding. Without prodding? Keep that cattle prod away from me you bastard, I was only away from my desk for 3 minutes...

Anyway, I have a confidential (ha ha ha) form to hand in to my boss and seeing as I'm his only subordinate, and I also have to assess him, I can pretty much assume it's going to be scrutinized before being passed onwards and upwards. I will therefore have to delve back into my bullshit bank and come out with some corkers. Any suggestions? And no, I'm not expecting anything good to come out of this appraisal, apart from the re-hashing of the part-time vs full-time battle.

I so enjoy being my own boss, none of this utter bollox to deal with.

June's Homo Sapiette - Dana

This month it's the turn of Dana Adini to reap the rewards of a spot in the anglosaxy limelight. I like Dana a lot, I think she is very Israeli, not the ultimate eye candy but something very "next door girl" about her, the hair, the lips, that cute little nose (well, not that little...).

She first came to fame in 2005 with her then boyfriend Daniel Solomon, and as a duet they had a great big hit that actually ain't too bad on the ears. The following year she was part of the all-girl band HaBanot Nechama, who had this great big smasheroonee of a hit, partly sung in English. HaBanot Nechama also have the distinction of having quite possibly the ugliest band member alive, I'll leave it to you to decide - and as it's Friday the 13th, be careful if you click - who. Their album still gets a tonne of airplay today, especially by the fucker in the cell next to me at Open Spacey. Turn it down you fucker, I'm trying to write some blog content here...

Anyway, Dana started getting noticed more as an actress, and even co-starred in the 3rd series of Shir Shelanu (Our Song), before taking the role that first got me interested, in HaMesudarim (my translation: Set up for Life). She also released her solo album, made up entirely of songs in English, called Big Girls. Right now, she's starring in a series on Channel 2, Al Katzot HaEtzbaot (roughly translated as On Tiptoes). She's going to be a mega-star, this young lady...

And Dana, if you make it down to the beach in your bikini, please let me know...purely for my readers, of course...

A junior Junior

Junior meets Junior - one of my favourite pics of Junior

What do we want? A shorter working week! When do we want it? Now!

I'm enjoying this week. A 3 day working week (though 4 hours is my ultimate target) has always been a dream of mine, and this week, thanks to the long Shavuot weekend, it's actually happened. It was pure magic spending time with the kids, going down the beach twice, spending the morning at the local pool, eating lots of cheesecake, watching some footie in the evenings...the kids were so worn out that they weren't waking up until 8 in the morning, which, believe me, is one hell of a lie-in.

So, a great weekend, followed by a short week, admittedly slightly oderous because of a very tight deadline at Open Spacey, but I can handle it because I'm really not that bothered by their shitty little deadlines all over the place...yalla, deadline, come over here, I kill you!

A female guide to Euro 2008

mrs anglosaxy: OK, give me 2 minutes and I'll tell you which team is Holland and which team is Italy.
anglosaxy: No problem [smiles to himself]

2 minutes later...

mrs anglosaxy: OK, the blue team is Italy and the orange team is Holland.
anglosaxy: [Fakes surprise] Wow, darling, how did you manage to work that out?
mrs anglosaxy: The Italians are better looking.

Euro 2008 - Viewing Statistics

So, when an international tournament slaps you in your chops, what can you do but partake in some of the festivities? OK, I don't expect to watch too many of these early group games, but the long weekend over here in Israel, because of Shavuot, and a sleepover by a football crazy nephew of mrs anglosaxy (Ha! Great having somebody in this house who understands football, if only for a couple of days), has helped in me catching a little more than expected - so far I've watched the opening game (the Swiss were unlucky I thought), Portugal looked fairly slick (probably down to Ronaldo's gel...), and the Germans pretty efficient.

Tonight it's the group phase's only real game worth watching, on paper at least, Holland v Italy. Should be a cracker, but then, a wee shot of Highland Park might be needed to prop up the eyelids.

What the hell am I? #50

Euro 2008

Boy, am I finding it hard to get worked up about the upcoming Euro 2008 tournie. I guess it might have something to do with England's failure to make it, but I'm looking at the upcoming fixtures and finding games like Austria vs Croatia and Greece vs Sweden very uninspiring (looks like mrs anglosaxy ain't going to have to fight for the remote control too often...). Not to take anything away from those teams that have qualified, but this year it just seems a whole lot less exciting...

Not that England would have set this tournament alight - I have to admit that the recent England vs USA game actually sent me to sleep it was that thrilling, so, maybe, just maybe, a tournament without England at this stage of their Italian revitalization, isn't such a bad thing. I guess we'll soon see.

And who's going to win it? My money is on one of the teams in Group C (Italy, Holland, Romania and France), the Group of Death. Just not sure which one...

Ugly hotel, nice graffiti

Anticipation is the name of the game

A few days ago we witnessed a car accident, right in front of our eyes. The missus was a bit shocked, this was the first accident she'd ever witnessed "live". Me, I was just stunned by the twat who was driving the car that caused the accident.

Because, you see, if he had just anticipated a wee tad the road ahead, and seen the taxi pulled over with its hazard lights flashing, he might have slowed down, indicated (slowed down, indicated...ha ha ha ha ha ha), and actually avoided crashing into the back of the taxi. However, we're talking about such a complete twat, who raced down the road, saw the taxi a little late, tried to force his way into the next lane (and caused others to swerve and almost collide), then realised he couldn't make it, so braked hard and...BAAAAAAM. Twat.

Israeli drivers really have no idea about anticipating the road ahead, even just 100m ahead, it's quite amazing. Not sure it's forced into us Brits when we learn to drive, but it just seems so fucking obvious. Can't tell you how many times I've seen drivers get antsy when there is a line of traffic, pull out into the seemingly empty lane and then realise that that lane is empty for a reason...and force themselves back into your lane. Open your eyes, you fuck, and look down the road, you might just see the reason (not always of course) for the traffic...

See how many twats you can spot today...

What the hell am I? #49

Choose Life

The missus surprised me a couple of weeks back by purchasing me a year's membership to her local gym/pool/health club/whatever. I can't believe it's been over 3 years since I last "worked out" there, but then, the last 3 years have been just a tad busy...2 kids, two home moves, job change, setting up my own business, etc. Only this weekend I managed to make it for my first session, what with me and the kids being a bit under the weather lately. Twice I went, Friday and Sunday, for a swim and a sauna, and fuck me, it felt good to have the blood pumping and the heart racing.

Anyway, I've decided that I'm going to enjoy my life. How? Well, for a start, I'm steering clear of full-time work in the Tech Writing world for now - I mean, come on, what would I rather do, spend time on the beach/at the pool with the missus (in her skimpiest bikini...) and kids or worry about bullet alignment and header numbering...? I know my kids are crazy about me (yeh, yeh), as I am them, and I feel I let them down a little by not being with them as much as I could over the last year or 2. So, perhaps I can be with them a lot more and help grow them up as right proper geezers, innit. I still work as a Tech Writer of course, around 70%, but I'm hoping to whittle that down very soon. In fact, I'm almost willing myself to get sacked just so I can spend the summer taking it easy...

Easy is of course, easy to say, what with the English school still going nicely. And of course, that takes up a few extra hours here and there, hours which I'm finding myself more and more reluctant to give. So, ideas of some kind of partnership are whirling around in my brain, ideas that I'm not entirely convinced by just yet...

So, as I ramble on and on and bore you shitless, as I look forward to having a splash around in the pool with Junior and Juniorette later today, I shall leave you with the words of Mark "Rent-boy" Renton...

"Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life..."