And you thought my name was anglosaxy...

Crikey! Meme'd again, this time by Liza. It's time to get intimate and confidential with your favourite anglosaxy. Some things you probably didn't know about me...

1. I once went out with a girl just so that I could dump her (I was 16 and on a painful teenage rebound).
2. The British Transport Police have had me by the short and curlies for travelling without a train ticket.
3. My brother was born in Libya, while me and my sister were born in Hong Kong.
4. I have a huge poster of Thierry Henry hanging in my office at Corridor Land (cheers O!).
5. I learnt French at school and also via a Linguaphone course because I was sure I was going to end up there - but have still never been to France.
6. I used to have a thing for Yemenite women, but after living in smallsville that has almost totally gone.
7. I once slept with a snake. A very poisonous one. To cut a long story short, after a drunken night at my mate's moshav, my mate woke me up to tell me he saw something move under my pillow. Lifting the pillow we were confronted with a tzefer snake (a viper?), in full strike mode. We, being well hard (and just a tad scared), did of course kill the crap out of it. I have the pictures.
8. Me and my best mate at school used to run an ice-cream ring. We'd, er, lift ice-creams from a certain shop during lunch hour and then flog them back at school. But you didn't hear that from me.
9. I met mrs anglosaxy while working as a motorbike courier in Tel Aviv. Yes, that was me, darting between the cars...
10. I proposed to mrs anglosaxy on Karl's bridge, Prague. Awwww.

I'm not passing this on because it looks like I'm the last one to do it...

And with that, I'm off for a few days. Moving back to Tel Aviv, so I'm going to be without Internet for a couple of days. Hopefully back at the start of next week.

There is light at the end of the tunnel...

Old Jaffa, 2007

It's always nice to get feedback...

I haven't advertised for a teacher for some 2-3 months, so, I was kinda surprised to get this email yesterday (completely unedited by myself - if you'd like to get in touch with Jesimiel I even have her postal address which she very kindly included):

You know, I was searching through the postings on this website for English Teachers in Israel, and I was suddenly hit on my uala with the ignorance of most of such requests for English Teachers. What in the world makes you think that for an English Teacher to be a good English Teacher he or she must be a Native Speaker of English. I mean, you may as well ask Dunkeys to teach you what you must know about Horses. And most sad of all, I must admit, is the fact that such an ignorance sprouts from the very educational institutions which are attempting to properly form or prepare for life their future generations. I hope that such rising generations as not as ignorant as you are. Such kind of ignorant people are the kind of people that regardless of where in the world they would had been born, would have been the same kind of ignorant people. For example: Nazzi murderers in Germany, ironically religious murderers in Israel, savage and irrational murderders from United States of America, communist murderders in Cuba, China, Russia or North Korea, and so on and so forth. For ignorance, my friends, doesn't have a country.

Jesimiel

Happy joy, of another kind

Thanks to the powers-that-be, today's Carling Cup final won't be televised on any Israeli channel. This must be the first time they've not shown an English cup final, even on pay-for-view. So, unfortunately, I have to force myself to go down the pub and watch it. And even partake in some of that Kilkenny filth...oh dear, oh dear...

Please God, let Arsenal win...!!

Happy joy

I couldn't get out of a Corridor Land picnic (my department only) on Thursday...but I put in a pretty shabby performance, so maybe it was worth going. I do find it extremely hard to relate to the guys in my department, whereas at least some of the other guys in Corridor Land I can share a beer/shoot some pool with...

The guys in my dept. - Geek Central - are the kind who take pictures of every single fucking thing that happens. You get out of the car [click], you wave hello [click], you sit down [click], you give them the finger [click]. Really, I love taking pics, but what the fuck are you going to do with all those? They're also inclined to wet themselves over their work. Yes, I have witnessed a grown man jumping up and down, clapping his hands in pure delight at the news that a bug had been fixed. I guess you've got to admire the enthusiasm, but something in me says "get a fecking life!"

Please God, let them fire me soon...

Britneyesque

This is some kind of Britney-like stunt, right? Eden Harel and Oded Menashe got married this week? First the Datzim split up, then the very butch Moshe Datz plugs beer...now this.
[ tut tut, in a "WTF is going on" stylee ]

Almost home

Aye, this time next week I can call myself a Tel Avivian. Or Tel Avivi, or Tel Aviver...

The boxes are still being packed, things are getting more frantic, but it'll all be over soon. You can call me Mr Ruthless, as I dispatch t-shirts and leather jackets to the bin, while cutting down Levis to bermuda length (for the summer). You'd be ruthless too, if the place you're moving into is half the size of your current abode. Exactly half. Something that mrs anglosaxy has yet to get her head round (I can't get me head round that...). She's going to have to ditch those minks...

While one part of me is very happy to be returning to the big city (ahh, just a drunken bike ride away from my 'local'...), another part of me is beginning to question the move. OK, smallsville ain't for me, but the pace of the city might just catch me out...I'm beginning to realise that these two little buggars that have taken on my surname might just appreciate a life outside the hustle and bustle and goddamn frustration that is Tel Aviv. Fields of poppies do that to you, eh? Then again, they might just love Tel Aviv...

And yes, a photo tribute to smallsville coming soon...

What the hell am I? #22

Shookie Carmelie II

Shuk HaCarmel on a Saturday, Tel Aviv

Ooooooh...

...Nasty! Yesterday, while innocently surfing my department's server, I uncovered a job advert - for my job! My boss had written out an advert for my position and stupidly left it accessible. Funny thing is, the doc was dated 2 weeks before we had our meeting. And boy, is she looking for someone top drawer; degrees in journalism, experts in Visio (which I hardly ever use), someone who can give presentations...they could probably convince someone to join easily, but, as with any newbie, they'd soon discover the truth about this place...

So, if there was any doubt that the powers that be in Corridor Land are fucking with me and trying to save paying out any compensation, this proves otherwise. So, in today's meeting, I shall be swearing allegiance proudly and enthusiastically...I can't wait to see her face!

UPDATE: Well, I know I can talk utter shite sometimes, but I outdid myself this time. The big picture: I'm staying until they force me out. Might take a month or two but they should get the real message soon enough. My best line: "The compensation issue isn't even an issue for me because if I quit I'd give you all the notice you'd need, help train my replacement etc and because of this I know Corridor Land would treat me fairly." Fuck, I winced when I finished that sentence...

Shookie Carmelie

In and around Shuk HaCarmel, Tel Aviv

O yes!

Just as my Corridor Land days look like they're drawing to a close, the O is back in town. Fresh from her 7 months in South East Asia, fresh from teaching English to classes of 100 tuk tuk drivers (ha! that's nothing compared to some of the classes I've had over the last few weeks!). Bless her cotton socks, she's made a home in Cambodia and is back here for a visit...I think a few beers are in order...

Back from the fields

We and the zillions of other weekenders were out and about today because it was a rather lush Saturday. Ahhh, t-shirt weather again...I don't know if you know them, but those fields down south, after Kiryat Malakhi, were bleedin' gorgeous...

You banker!

Don't think I've ever fallen for a bank advert in the way I've fallen for this one (via Sky News). Delish animation and dreamy music. Say what you like about the bank, there are some bloody talented people out there...

And talking of banks, me and the missus consolidated our two accounts into one today. Now she can share my debts and I can get my hands on her millions...

I like Blur

Nahalat Binyamin, Tel Aviv, December 2006

Ben Avigdor

I don't like the Sepia effect on photos, but it somehow seems appropriate for this shot (Ben Avigdor street, Tel Aviv).

Valentines Day (Massacre?)

It's got to be done - taking mrs anglosaxy out for some serious lovey dovey dining and drinking. Just a question of where, as my fave 3 places in Tel Aviv are all fully booked...

And the Corridor Land chill factor has swept in. I'm battening down the hatches in expectation of a serious bombardment of abuse...

This could get ugly

So my Corridor Land boss has let me decide if I should stay or go. Which translates into: we won't sack you because it will surely cost us too much - if you quit we can bleed you dry and promise that compensation will be paid, but then refuse if you don't manage to complete one of the tasks we overburdened you with...

This sucks. So I'm going to tell my teacher that she's crap but she has to decide if she stays or goes? What kind of management fuckwit policy is this? After yesterday's list of anti-anglosaxy issues, she surely wants me out so why doesn't she just do it? It all comes down to saving money, that's the only thing I can come up with. Which says it all about this company...

My pride says to quit, to get the fuck out, once and for all. However, my head says stay for the money and force them to fire you...which is the option I think I will be taking. So don your helmets, folks...

Here we go again...

Oh for gawd's sake. Today I have my annual appraisal meeting with my Corridor Land boss. Really, this has to be the biggest waste of time...and I can safely predict the following sentences will be uttered:

"You have worked hard and met all your deadlines, but..."

"You really ought to know the product much better..."

"I want you to initiate more tasks..."

The sentence that should be uttered but won't be:

"You're fired..."

UPDATE: Oooooh! Looks like they've finally sussed me out. But instead of firing me, and paying out compensation by default, they have told me it's my decision whether I stay or go. Because if I quit, they don't necessarily have to pay compensation. What a bunch of losers, anything not to pay out a few thousand shekels...

Slim Fast

Over the last two weeks I lost 5kg. I shall be breathing the last of my flu-laden breaths into bottles and repackaging them as the latest miracle slimming product.

I now have a belt that needs a new hole...just to keep you in the loop, like.

Oh to be 91 and a billionaire...

Just one thing about the death of Anna Nicole Smith - if you were 91 years old and a 26 year old sex kitten wanted your wrinkly ass, wouldn't you go for it?

Sunset time again

The last sunset I saw before little juniorette was born, back in November. Taken from the bus station behind Carmel market.

Bloggin' eck!

I see Blogger has finally forced me to use their new version. Bastards! They couldn't have warned me that I'm about to lose my original settings before going over to the new version? Could be a problem, as my template, which I borrowed from another template site, is based on the old styles and layout Blogger used and is supposedly not compatible with the new version. Which means you've probably woken up to a very ugly anglosaxy. Let me know if you see strange things going on...

What the hell am I? #21

Make mine a double. Or perhaps a triple.

Strewth mate.

OK, I'll be honest, having two very small kids has its golden moments, even very golden, but it sure makes you wish that modern science would pull its finger out and give us the ability to replicate. Coz I could sure do with another me around the house. Perhaps even another one to teach/run the business. OK, then, another one to go out and take pictures, do a bit of surfing, buy presents for mrs anglosaxy's birthday that I sort of missed, etc...

The recent bout of flu that knocked me for six will hopefully prove to be a blessing. I'm kind of reconfiguring my schedule and priorities, because there's no way I can continue at that pace. Another stress inducing factor comes into play at the end of this month as we move back to Tel Aviv, so I guess any changes will apply from next month. At least the school down south is now in the hands of a fairly decent teacher, so that should save me a lot of travelling and free up some time...and you know what, if the school down south has another teacher crisis, it'll probably make more sense to just knock it on the head and get rid.

It's been a ride and I've learnt a lot over the last few months, but things are gonna change. Coz there's only one me, unfortunately (some might say fortunately)...

Kitchen

Only the reds remain...the facing wall is actually ice blue.

Back from the Dead

Eh? Pardon? Yep, still can't hear anything in my left ear, but finally I have a bit of energy and appetite, so I crawled into Corridor Land this morning. I could have crawled in a couple of days ago, but with the response I got from my boss on the telephone at the start of the week ("oh, I had that and I still came into work..."), I decided to milk every last hour given to me by the doc. Fuck 'em.

I should be posting pretty regularly from now...

How to make a zombie

1. Take one fairly normal human being.
2. Give him a serious dose of flu.
3. Don't let him sleep for 5 consecutive nights.
4. Add two wailing infants to ensure that he can't sleep during the day.
5. Keep his diet to the bare essentials - water and bread, perhaps a banana.
6. Add an ear infection (for the "gunk running from ear" effect).
7. Voila!

There was a day or two when I really didn't know where the fuck I was, I felt like I was in some kind of Twilight Zone, where it just kept on going for the sake of going on...

And now, you'll have to excuse me, I have a fight to save the hearing in my left ear. Apparently I have one of the worst ear infections spotted in modern times (and yes, it hurts like 'eck), and I've been totally deaf in my left ear for the last 5 days, so, about time I start on those anti-biotics. mrs. anglosaxy is already threatening divorce - her argument that I didn't listen to her before but at least I could, is quite convincing. She is of course joking. I think.