Hi-tech? Wassat then?

I'm not saying our nanny is a bit on the simple side.
OK then, I am.
But when she asked me this morning: "You work in hi-tech, right, Master Anglosaxy? Maybe you know Moshe?" I had to smile.
That fledgling cottage industry known as "hi-tech".
She's a love.

*
*

Another thing: anyone else notice the uncanny resemblance between Israel's underworld kingpin (pack yer bags!) and Eastenders' own crime boss Johnny Allen? I blame mrs. anglosaxy for the Eastenders addiction. Entirely. But she loves it when I go Cockney. "Can't get me head round it"...

Peace in the Middle East?

Signs of good things happening...?

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is for real. the Mode have never played in Israel and their coming over, or even thinking about it, is fecking magnificent.

Meanwhile, whatever your opinions on the world game, you've got to agree that it can be a bridge builder. Tonight sees Barcelona, complete with undoubtedly the best player in the world (if you haven't seen the Ronaldinho crossbar clip, take a look at this), take on a united Israel-Palestinian team in the name of peace. OK, it's a bullshit game, but the message is a positive one. Goaallll!

The searchers

Recently, it's been kinda entertaining looking up the stats I have over on Blog Patrol. I don't take it too seriously, these stat figures, though it's interesting to see the reasons behind any sudden spikes in the numbers. OK, so I know a few of you come by now and again, but it's those one-time visitors I love. And their search keywords which bring them my way.

My Top 10 favourites (100% kosher, honest guv):

"Sexy Olympic high-jumping pics" Don't look at me, mate.
"Twinkle video homo" Er, again, nothing to do with me.
"saucy sandi" OK, so I've mentioned sandy a couple of times.
"bloody ell no need 2 shout" Oy, guv'nor, whattcha on about?
"people having sax" Might I interest you in a trumpet?
"mature escorts in tel aviv" Er, my neighbour is 75. A right piece of crumpet. Interested?
"7 year old kid friend" Michael J, enough is enough...
"shout shout let it gone out depeche mode" Oh dear. Mixing up your lyrics and your bands. Feck off.
"Miss petach tikva 2005" Ugly, ugly, ugly.
"ARAB SAX" Please.

Mmm, strange that nearly all of these searches come via MSN...Google seems to attract a better kind of surfer, dahling....

Do me a fecking favour

Eeeee, it's chilly round these parts. A cold, northerly wind is ruffling my hair as M pulls on a second pair of socks. The icicles are beginning to form on his nose. He can't feel his toes, and I certainly ain't going to go and rub 'em...

"From November to April I always wear two pairs of socks".

Hang on, let me check the thermometer again.

28 degrees C. Fair enough. Why, I'd also pull on another pair...if only they'd slip over me flip-flops.

The end of the road for these two

RIP, Georgie boy. A bit before my time, but, like everyone, I bought into the legend.

As for you Mr Glitter, any last requests? "Do You Wanna Touch Me? (Oh Yeah)". Uh-huh.

Give me strength...yet again

Continued...

[ bit long and introspective this one ]

So, an exit from the glamorous world of hi-tech is looming.

Hi-tech just ain't doing it for me. OK, the money can be good, the benefits are great...but it's not quite enough, is it? I think I can sum it up as Soulless-Geek city. The delight in being ignored by super-geek "Yes" men when you happily greet them with a "Boker Tov" (Good Morning) in the corridor soon wears off after a while. Like I said before, maybe other companies are a complete dream to work for, but after my round of interviews a few months ago, I'm not so sure...

Where does that leave little ol' anglosaxy? Well, my English school is slowly but surely warming up. Students are into double-figures. The tax authorities now have me tagged, the invoices, t-shirts, website, flyers are all ready to go. I've learnt a lot of sparkling marketing ideas over the last couple of weeks and I'm sure that the school will be a success. Rock solid sure.

But...

...I'm struggling.

I'm struggling with Israel.

Maybe the Holy Land and myself need a break. Just for a bit. This isn't my home, after all. As She put it last week, she'll always feel American, rather than Israeli, despite 15 years here. So, imagine how I feel sometimes, not even being one of the Chosen People. I know every country has its own crap, but I'm getting sick of a few things here...OK, I have a beautiful wife, an angel for a kid, my own business, good health, etc. etc. And grateful for each of those, believe me. But, something is wrong, and has been for some time. Something needs changing.

I thought that after moving out of Tel Aviv earlier this year, things might change.
I thought that starting up the school would shake things up a bit.
I thought that my new, amazing son would kick things into a new orbit.

But it hasn't. I do generally enjoy my life outside the Corridor, don't get me wrong, but I need a change. What can I say? I don't think I'm always looking for a change, but I do need fresh challenges, otherwise I get myself into impetus-lacking ruts. Like right now.

Maybe Israel is the easy target, easy to blame. Maybe. Maybe if the school really takes off and I find myself printing shekels, things could change. Maybe. Personally, I think a break from Israel would be good for me and the other anglosaxies, a change of scenery, a change of pace, a change of culture. And the other anglosaxies are inclined to agree with me, at least junior is...

And I'm not completely green to realise that getting away from Israel will be idyllic. Wherever we end up we'll miss here, there will be problems, it won't be an easy ride. But the thought of it, excites me, gets my juices flowing. And fuck it, life is short, why stay here when we have other options? What do we have to lose? A few thousand shekels in air fare? Bejesus...Mrs. anglosaxy has her family here, a family business she can always fall in and out of. Me? I usually fall on my feet wherever I go, so I'm not worried.

So, what's the plan?

Let's just say that I'm checking out all my options, exotic and non-exotic. I'm working on the school constantly these days, even going out tonight to deliver a whole bundle of flyers myself. The school will work. If something comes up in the meantime, I'll either sell it or get someone else to take over (my preferred option). A couple of things are in the pipeline, but I'm checking them out very thoroughly before getting serious. I will keep you posted.

UPDATE: I wrote this last night and wanted to sleep on it before posting. If you want to share your thoughts, feel free...

Normal service will be resumed shortly.

Elections? Get outta here...

Interlude

If you think the Israeli elections are going to be discussed in great depth on anglosaxy, you are sorely mistaken. No new political parties round these parts, no party leaders speaking crappily poor English, especially those with furry upper lips, no reports on the already boring TV coverage...

This area has been designated an...




Mind the doors...

Give me strength, again...

Continued...

Soul destroying. I think that's the expression I'd use to describe my office environment. I was thinking about it on the drive-in to work this morning. And then hearing O's description about how she was forced to come in on Friday and work until 11pm, hammered in the nail...

Listen, I'm sure there are hi-tech companies who really look after their workers and spoil 'em rotten whenever they get a chance. Or maybe not. Whatever. I just know that I gave my all to this place in my first year or so, was eaten up, chewed up and spat out and have been looking for the Exit sign ever since. O is being shat on from a great height but is only now beginning to hear the whhoooosshh as it heads her way.

Once upon a time I loved saying I worked in Israeli hi-tech, and there was a time when it was definitely the industry to be in. The love affair ended with the burst of the Nasdaq bubble and the subsequent cutbacks. Never mind. I'm pissed at myself for putting up with the shit. Then again, I've come through at the other end of the tunnel with probably the easiest tech writing job in the country. Really. Nobody has it easier than me, trust me.

And there lies the problem. Because it's not just the mindless meetings that bore me shitless, it's the lack of a challenge, the lack of any real impetus to my day. My boss has even told me that she won't fire me. How scary is that? I'm locked in for good, unless...

...I make a move, for better or for worse, into the realms of the self-employed. My school idea is taking off nicely, picking up the odd student here and there and learning a lot of business tricks and treats along the way. More of which I'll post about in the coming days. So you can see the direction in which I'm moving, right?

Ha ha! You're almost right...!

To Be Continued...

Sign my boy up!

My boys are coming! I'm impressed. Good job I ordered that oversized top for anglosaxy junior...he'll probably squeeze into it come next year's summer tournament. Not sure he'll be able to run by then, though...

Childbasher?

Today is anglosaxy junior's first day alone in the hands of a complete stranger. Yep. We hired a nanny to look after him 4 days a week, while me and mrs. anglosaxy go out and earn the bacon (oink, oink, kerchinnnng!). I like to think of myself as a fairly cool parent, not getting too hysterical about anything, and persuaded the missus that we don't need a surveillance camera watching the nanny's every move...

In Israel recently, there have been cases of nanny's taking the piss and slapping the crap out of the kids they're supposed to be looking after and it seems to have created a whole new industry in spy cams and listening devices (not that the Israelis are new to the surveillance industry, of course...), specifically geared towards nanny-minding. But no, we resisted the idea, mainly because my intuition, which is a finely-tuned instrument and is well respected by the missus, reckons that she'll be fine.

But still, that moment when I walked out of the house, leaving him alone in there...

Tel Aviv street

Don't know why but I love this street shot.

Give me strength

I have to take my hat off. Really.

I have no idea how they do it, but some people just enjoy slaving away at Corridor Land the Labyrinth. They simply know no other way. They simply wouldn't have it any other way. They'll bend over backwards, turn themselves inside out, and then pull out any last remaining hair just to make sure that that button which underwent endless redesign for 6 months still displays a 10 word error message when clicked...

Surely the software running their brains is of an outdated and no longer supported version? I sit and watch them toiling over life and death decisions - mmm, red or dark blue for the text? - and just chuckle, quietly, knowingly...the day will surely come when that upgrade will bring them back into the real world. A world that will no longer revolve around dialog boxes and databases and other words beginning with 'd'...

Me, I'm struggling to hold on to the facade that my upgrade is obviously no longer compatible with. I come in to the office, slide my chair over the polished parquet, tuck myself in alongside my computer and hardly move for the next few hours. It's draining me, this constant compatibility problem. It ain't me. It's some other poor buggar hitting those keys...some other buggar toiling away, fixating on the monthly paycheck while his upgraded brain maps a brilliant future out...

To Be Continued

Tackling the tackle

"The cutters were blunt so I had to keep snipping."

In-fecking-sane.

Homo Sapiette - November '05

About time our Yaeli was selected, me thinks.

I've tried steering clear of the "big guns", but Yael Bar Zohar has to be one of Israel's biggest celebs - everything she does still grabs headlines and warrants her appearance on chat shows. Just last week, it was her and her fresh new hubbie, Guy Zoharetz, on Yair Lapid's (Hebrew)season opener. Just to deny any rumors she was pregnant. Wow. Amazing. Perhaps a slight reflection of Israel's steering towards the celeb culture and all things shiny and pretentious? Mmmm...

Anyway, we still love Yael because she's always ready to pop on her bikini...

Despite the gloss, she is possibly one of the cutest Israelis out there, that smile of hers must win a few admirers every week...she is also one of those stars that seems to have been around forever. Who remembers her extraordinarily bad acting in Ramat Aviv Gimmel, one of Israel's first soap operas? Her role? A rather busty, lolita-like 16 year old. "Sexploitation!" I hear you cry. What, in Israel? Naahh...

Ever since, she has consistently popped up here and there, never really doing anything of any real note, like a good movie or even a decent TV show of her own, but she's always been there for us, ready to flash her smile and other bits. Recently she's been fronting the Fox (an Israeli clothing company, with a surprisingly good English web site) campaigns, rather saucily I have to say, but we ain't grumbling...


Might be pushing it, but I'd hazard a guess she's here to stay...

One for you, and one for me...

I know I was tagged way back with the book meme thingee, but I thought the easiest way out thing to do was show you a pic of the books my parents brought over with them last month. As you can tell, some of them aren't for me (that's my story and I'm sticking to it)...

< /kop out>

Anglosaxy junior's favourite is the Three Little Pigs. Good kosher start, my boy...

End of an era

Went to a wedding the other night, an old friend who got hitched to an Israeli based in the US. I felt shite, what with my heavy cold doing some damage (and still doing, can't shake the buggar off...), but if felt great seeing her again after a good couple of years. She's actually Yemenite, so that meant she and her groom went the full hog and dressed up like this. First time I've actually seen it done like this...all I can say is Thank God mrs. anglosaxy ain't Yemenite.

Why the end of an era? Well, she's probably the last real connection with my early days in Israel. I've known her for something like 13-14 years and she's always been around, giving me good advice when I needed a good slapping, providing alibis when I was where I wasn't supposed to be, and generally being a good mate. So, I'm going to miss you, me old darlin', because I have a feeling we won't be seeing that much of one another the next few years...

Mazal Tov!

the Mode

The Basildon boys are back with another classic. This is what they call a grower. Me and O are into this disk at the moment (well, I'm not giving her much say in the matter) and we're swapping stories about how we grew up with them - apparently they are fecking big in Russia. And of course, how unlikely that they'll make it to Israel one day...

25 years strong...

Shame it was only a friendly

Gotta love the England. Cracking game.

Took out all my nerves on the next door neighbour who has taken to drilling and banging away at all hours. A few choice words were said because the guy is a dick. He doesn't want to start drilling at 5pm on a Friday afternoon (Friday afternoon is siesta time in Israel), ever again. Ever. Or Saturday evenings at 8.30 during the climatic finish to an England /Argentina game...

I didn't tell you about the parking incident, did I? Better not, coz you might think I've turned into an "arse" (Arabic slang for a pimpy kind of bastard). I think I'm getting a reputation round these parts. Fuck 'em.

New Romantics

"Ma'ayan and Motty were here and wild sex."

Nice spot.

"Shout, shout, let it all out..."

Whenever you've gone to the cinema, I bet at least some of you have wanted to shout, and I mean shout:

"Oy, baldie, stick that shiner right back down!"
OR
"SSSsssssssshhhhhh!"
OR
"Shut that fucking mobile before I ram it where the sun don't shineth!"

Well, yesterday, I outdid myself while watching W and G (cracking movie by the way, great entertainment!). Poisoned by a bit of birthday bravado, I let rip with all 3 of the above. I swear. No pulling of plonkers, or legs. Did help that the cinema was completely empty except for me and mrs. anglosaxy. Helped just a tad. Mrs. A was adamant that she'd planned it that way, but seeing as we'd only decided on W and G a few hours earlier, I'm leaning towards a bit of creative thinking on her part...

Pretty bleedin' great though, having the whole cinema to yourself.

"It's your birthday, it's your birthday..."

"...it's your birthday, we gon' party like it's your birthday, we gon' sip Bacardi like it's your birthday..."
[ / unfolds arms ]

That time of year again, when the mid-30's are getting harder to cling on to...but, feck that, it's only a number, right?

So, bunking off work today** with the missus, coz I'm still officially 'sick' (the whiskeys I drank last night were purely medicinal...). We're headed off behind the bicycle sheds for a quick fag and then off to the chippie...alright then, we're headed off to watch this movie and after that for some sushi. Every year she asks me, and every year I give her the option of any Asian nationality (last year I wanted Chinese), but she always makes the same mistake and we end up in a restaurant, rather than being accompanied home by a petite Oriental. Ahh, maybe next year.

** Do I really want to hear "Happy Birthday" performed by some of Corridor Land? If ever there was a reason to bunk off work, this is it, gold-plated. Really, if you're going to sing me 'Happy Birthday', put some welly into it...or at least line me up a couple of Asian darlings to massage my shoulders while you sing...And while on the subject, what is this tradition of the birthday celebrant bringing in cakes to celebrate his/her birthday? Purely Israeli, right? If you want to celebrate my birthday, you bring the feckin' cakes!

uh-uh-uuuupppchhheeeeeeee!!

*sneeze*
*cough*
*wheeze*

"Got any Lemsip, guv?"

"It ain't pink mate, it's purple"

Aye, this place was my first home in Israel, a place I called home for almost a year. It was once painted all pink and purple, and called, remarkably, The Purple House. A legend amongst us backpackers at the start of the 90's.

Its heyday was pre-pre-Internet, I'm afraid, and the only link I could find was this little one (they're wrong in saying that the place closed down during the Gulf War - I was there, complete with my gas mask and a few other hardy souls - this is the same place I ran back to when the sirens blasted out, as told here)...

There's a lot of memories behind the rundown, dirty facade, some of which I'd better not go into, what with the ancestors looking on...let's just say a lot of beers were downed, a lot of sand was brought home from the beach across the road, and local girls were, well, lusted after. I won't mention the water-bombing incident, or the drug OD-er, or the Arab employees getting beaten up by police...

My first night in Israel was spent here (as well as most of the nights for the subsequent year), so despite its current sorry state, I still have a big spot for the place in my heart. I'm looking at each of the windows and balconies, and there's a flood of faces coming back to me...

Extra bonus point to anyone who can give me the street it sits in. Clue: it's mighty close to the sea.

501=10

My 501st post is just a quickie.
Today is the 10th anniversary of the assassination of Yitzhak Rabin. 10 feckin' years eh? Flying by or what? For some good local blogging about this somber occasion, you should go here or here.
That's it.
502 coming soon.

500

Bloody 'ell.

This is my 500th anglosaxy post. It's taken close to 2 years, and a lot of blood, sweat and tears (and lashings of beer) to reach this milestone. But aren't you glad you stuck with me? Through thick and thin we've passed, from windowless corridors to sumptuously parqueted offices, from the single life to family man, from the heart of Tel Aviv to smallsville (and maybe back again real soon, but that's another posting...). You and me baby, we saw it all. Come 'ere and give us a hug!

I thought about posting a link to some of my most commented upon postings, but at a quick glance, I can tell you that this one (my departure) and this one (new kid on the block) were way out in front. So, instead, a few of my favourite postings out of the last 499, for anyone new popping by...

Lush new offices (Sept '05)
Confessions (Aug '05)
Give an Arab a knife (July '05)
Thirtieth (Feb '05)
You know you've been in Israel too long... (Jan '05)
Tiger leaping (Nov '04)
Hong Kong Phooey (Oct '04)
Driving in Israel (May '04)
Mamma Mia (Feb '04)
Chiko (Jan '04)

Smile please

I'm not particularly clued up on the latest mobile gadgetry ("Video messaging? Who exactly is going to send me a video message?") and could quite happily slap those people that subject others to the full range of ringtones on their phone while trying to select the most annoying ringtone possible, but yesterday I got myself one of these...

Would be even better if Orange had activated the new SIM card, coz, well, then I might just be able to make a call...

In the meantime, it's a toss-up between Britney, Justin and Eyal Golan for the general ringtone. Just kidding. I think. Hang on, let me run through all those tones again...aaaaggghhh!!!

Yum

Isn't this the best chocolate bar in the world? I've got a whole box of 'em at home (cheers ancestrals), so be nice and I might let you 'ave a whiff...



Couple of questions:
Why aren't they spelt "Dime"?
And why can't I find them in Israel?