2004 draws to a close

Well, I wanted to blab a few facts and figures about the blog, such as this being anglosaxy's 365th day online, links to my most popular postings (which drew the most comments) and my own personal highlights of the year. But to be honest, I'm still in awe of the one word on everyone's lips at the moment - tsunami.

It kind of puts everything in perspective. Those annoying problems that litter our everyday lives just seem so trivial when you hear the stories that some of the survivors have had to go through. Fecking nightmare that you wouldn't wish on anyone.

Obviously one of the reasons why this has hit big is because of the number of tourists involved, and it seems that everyone knows someone who was there/just returned. One of my references in my current job search almost lost her brother and his family, as they were snorkelling in Krabi when the tsunami hit...me, I'm heartbroken for all those people in Khao Lak and Ko Lanta, two idyllic areas in Thailand that I was hoping to visit again this year. All those beachside huts and restaurants/bars, smashed to pieces along with their guests/customers...breaks my heart.

Anyway, trying to get on to more cheerful things, 2005 looks like it's going to pretty eventful, at least for me anyway. A lot of things in the pipeline, like moving house, starting the school (I've recently bought a domain)/changing jobs, etc...BUT first things first, a few drops of alcohol tonight to celebrate the New Year and to celebrate Rino and Shlotim's new baby boy! Only a small glass for mrs. anglosaxy, of course - damn, I'll guess I'll have to drink her share...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Jingle bells

A Merry Xmas to yee all!

Jachnun has been and gone, telephone calls home have been made and beers have been swigged.
Time to meet somebody new, I guess...




Though it might be a while before you or I actually get to meet this person...




Yep, it's time to meet...




Anglosaxy Junior...



I'm off to 'wet the baby's head' and I'll be back in a few days...I'm taking a small break from the blogging and I'll be back to celebrate the New Year.
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen!

Xmas is alive and kicking!

Went down to the Central Bus Station last night, felt like being 'hutz la'aretz' (abroad). It's been a long time since I was last there, and boy, did it feel strange. I even used to live across the road from the place (quite literally 20 metres, but you don't want to know about those days...), but today it just seems to be an enclave of Ruskies and Ethiopians, with the odd soldier wandering around. We walked into a couple of shops and the shop assistants spoke Russian with us, their Hebrew wasn't great. Like why would they need to speak Hebrew round this part of town anyway...

The main reason for our visit was to see the Xmas section on the ground floor. Some entrepreneurial types have set up a few stalls and brought Xmas to the Jews (though 'spot the Jew' can easily be played in this neck of the woods) - at a price I might add (nothing's cheap). There are some great little gifts, lots of Xmas trees for sale and tons of ornaments for the tree. I bought myself a nice little Santa hat.

I caught this foreign worker (not sure of his origin, but looks Thai) showing his daughter around the stalls. Must be great for the kids to get some of the Xmas spirit, most of them probably don't have a clue what it's all about, being born and raised here.



This little section surprised me, I've never seen so many artificial trees in my life. Mrs. anglosaxy was quite taken with the white trees but she soon changed her tune when I told her they're only for old grannies with poodles. Next year we are definitely upgrading our tree!



And finally, some Santas and tinsel, what more do you need at Xmas?



Well, I'm starting with the beers, after watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Tomorrow I'll have a quick post for you, which may hold a surprise or two.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!

Getting ready for Xmas

Tonight the action starts with a quick tour of South Tel Aviv (thanks to the Ruskies and us foreigners there is the odd influence of Xmas here and there, especially around the Central Bus Station) and then a quick beer or 2.

Tomorrow is movie afternoon, kicking off with one of my all time faves, Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Then it's a switch over to the Yes Movie Channels, which have a whole series of Xmas movies on. I shall be steadily getting in the mood, helped by the flowing alcohol. Once I've got a taste of the festive spirit, it should be off for some more alcohol at one of the more touristy pubs. Possibly with M and L, we'll see.

Xmas morning it's a quick unwrapping of all the presents (wow, so many...), phone calls home and then time for some traditional Xmas fare, yep, jachnun. After that it could well be a few more beers at some pub or other.

Anyway, thought you might appreciate the cover of the Ferris Bueller DVD I bought in China. Not sure of the connection the cover stars have with the movie, but it sure made me laugh. Ah, so what caught my eye first, you might ask? The picture or the cover title? That would be telling...

Xmas rundown

This little lot has been voted the favourite xmas top 20, with the Pogues rightly in there at No. 1.

My own list? Why not...

1. the Pogues - Fairytale
2. Band Aid - Feed the world
3. Wizzard - I wish it could be Xmas every day
4. Jona Lewie - Stop the cavalry
5. Wham - Last Xmas
6. Slade - Merry Xmas everybody
7. Greg Lake - I believe in Father Xmas
8. the Darkness - Xmas time
9. the Pretenders - 2000 miles
10. John Lennon - Happy Xmas (War is over)

Bubbling under:
Housemartins - Caravan of Love
Blink 182 - I won't be home for Xmas
Mike Oldfield - In dulci jubilo
Stiff Little Fingers - White Xmas

And this explains what happens to all those artists who suddenly decide to go all Xmassy and release a Xmas single...

A stocking filler

The rest of the world gets Santa, Israel gets Tony Blair...

My favourite Jewish girl

She loves doing this more than me. I think.
After I go through the joys of eating matza at Pessach/Passover, stuff my face with donuts at Hanukkah and smother my apples with honey at the onslaught of another Jewish New Year, it's time to get mrs. anglosaxy decorating the mingy little Xmas tree. It hasn't made an outing for at least a couple of years, so that snowy effect you can spot - it's actually dust. Anyway, she did a fine job. I should point out that as mrs. anglosaxy is approximately 23 inches tall, the Xmas tree looks a lot bigger than it really is...

Esteemed ones, that opened parcel is nothing to do with me, honest guv. On me life.

Same same

I'd tell you about the phone interview that I had this morning with the job in Shanghai, but you've heard it all before...

I'd tell you about my favourite Jewish girl decorating the anglosaxy Christmas tree, but you'll probably not be that interested...

I'd tell you about life in the corridor and meetings with my boss, but nothing's really changed...

I'd tell you about the annoying phone calls I get from a particular placement agency trying to push me one specific job that I'm not that keen on, but it really ain't that interesting...

So I won't.

This one's a no-goer

How about this for dippy...

I had an interview this morning, the same company that thought I was of feminine persuasion. They had directed me to Kiryat Atidim (a north Tel Aviv hi-tech area). I arrived there in Atidim but couldn't find the building. I called the interviewer. "Oh, yes, I meant Ramat HaHayal..." (which is another hi-tech area, just down the road from Atidim). In disbelief, I listened to the instructions. "OK, so I'll be a few minutes late, I'm sorry, but I would have been early if I'd had the right address...".

Anyway, I get to the right building. I try and find building 'B', but, contrary to her instructions, I needed building 'D'. Never mind. I catch the lift up to the right floor. Of course, the lift doesn't stop at this floor. I get to the top floor, get the correct lift and then get off at the right floor. Of course, no-one answers my knocking at the door/ringing the intercom. Getting ever-so-slightly pissed off, I go back down to the building's reception. "Ah, you should try floor 10, their main reception is on that floor". OK. So I get to the 10th floor. Where the receptionist tells me to go back to the right floor where she'll get someone to open for me. My brain is screaming: "Get the fuck outta here!", but I decide to plug on.

First question the interviewer asks me: "Did you have trouble finding us?"

Well yes, I did in fact, whoever gave me the instructions didn't have a FECKIN' CLUE! Serenity now. Serenity now. Big red 'X', huge, enormous red 'X'...

Thawing out

Cold.
Bloody cold. No more laughing at glove and scarf bedecked Israelis.
Coldest day of the year (minus 7 at night) and we were up in the Upper Galilee.
Nice log cabin.
Great romantic meal: restaurant to ourselves, Nirvana's 'Unplugged' and a roaring log fire.
Mmmm.
Shopping in Karmiel.
Views of a snow-capped Hermon.
Now relaxed. And warm.

Can you please fill in this form...

Another 2 interviews have come and gone today. First one was OK, it was actually the second interview at one of the places I interviewed for on Tuesday. Only trouble is they are not prepared to go even near what I'm making now and also want references from my current boss. This, for me, is out of the question while the issue of pitzuim (compensation) still hangs in the air. And aren't 3 other references enough? You can't proceed with the process without this specific reference? Well, you know what you can do...

The second interview was at one of the BIG boys. Very BIG boys. But still, another form requiring filling out with all the details they already have in my CV - an annoying 15 minute task. The interview was OK, and was followed by a long test, which I think I did OK at...not really for me though, all those geriatric American women (nothing against Americans I might add, just the age group - uh oh, just hand me the spade...) wandering around the place. I need it a bit more friendly, bit more lively...

Tomorrow morning I have a phone interview with Shanghai. Yep, they got in touch again, apparently unaware they sent me a 'rejection' email. I don't want the job now, only if they offer pots of gold, which they won't...but I am very interested in seeing what they have to say for themselves.

Which brings me nicely around to summing up the current status, coz probably some of you are thinking 'eh? thought he was off to China...what's all this interview business in Israel?'. I think China has hit the back burner for now, there are just too many complications that mrs. anglosaxy won't hack. Maybe I'm sacrificing a dream, maybe I was just trying to force a break from Israel...but for now I guess I'm focusing on Israel, something that I really really didn't want a few weeks ago. But, on having seen other places of work, I know that perhaps a change in my work environment might just cut the mustard. I've also still got the English school thing in my head, which I know will work. So, for now, you still have the anglosaxies scuttling around the Holy Land, doing their thing. And tomorrow we'll be doing our thing up North. Back on Monday.

Another rock'n'roll Xmas

This could turn into one of those classic British movies, with a Hugh Grant or James Nesbitt thrown in...
Get 4,200 people to dress up as Santa, invite them to a small Welsh town for a charity fun run, let a few sneak off to the pub, watch those few get a little 'merry' and then swap punches, and then throw in the riot police with CS spray and batons drawn...
You couldn't make this stuff up.

Driving in Israel, contd...

It's a war out there on the roads. It's not made any easier when you have lorry drivers like this out and about. 60 previous traffic convictions? WTF? I saw the wreck on the news last night and it wasn't pretty.

Small world

It always amazes me what a small country Israel is. You can always bump into someone who knows someone you know. And often at the worst possible time. Yesterday on my way in to the first interview, there I was entering the car park when a security guard came running up, smiling as he pointed at the company logo on my car: "Ah, [my company's name], my brother works there!". A little alarm bell went off in my head, since this was a discreet, covert operation, but any fears were soon laid to rest when I thought about it some more. Did the guy have my name? Nope. Did he have an inkling that I was there on an interview? Probably not.

Second interview, some hours later. There I was talking about a certain something or other, when I mentioned "a friend", without giving her name. "What's her name?". "L" I replied. "Do you mean L**** ******* ?" "Er, yes" but thinking to myself 'just how the hell do you know her?'...this was like talking about 'John' from London (a certain John Smith) and then being asked if I meant John Smith...

I guess this is why I should make a nice, unhostile break from the corridor of power, because the chances that somebody will know somebody further down the line are reasonably high...though if things get cheeky I know I can always don my cheeky b*stard (CB) superhero cape. Haven't used it for a while, but it might just get an outing soon...all I need to complete the outfit is a CB belt buckle. By the way lads, you should try red tights sometime, very becoming...

2 down, 2 to go

Successfully got through two interviews today. Both went pretty well, though I was more of a charmer in the second one. I've already got a call back for a second go from the first interview, I'll see what they have to say. I know I flew their test, it was dead easy. The test in the second interview was way too technical, I really didn't have a clue what was written. Good job they left the tests of other people on the same laptop, otherwise I would really have been struggling...

Is it me, or is my intuition hyper sensitive? What I mean is, do you ever meet someone and within a split second know that you won't get on that well with them? Never mind work with them...

Anyway, time for some light relief. This is a digital version of the old Mastermind game you played with color pegs. Nice one.

Demotivator

Lunchtime was spent on the roof of the building today, as the big boss gave his regular holiday run-through on how well the company is doing. The donuts were waiting, as were the latkes, but he didn't care. He went on and on and on. And just when we all thought he'd finished, he managed to find something else to ramble on about. And what a motivational speech; there will be salary raises for some people in the next month or so, but others will not get a raise. OK, I don't really give a shit about any raise, it's way too late for that, but how about being one of the other people who don't get a raise. That must surely feel warm and fuzzy inside, knowing that you're one of the unappreciated ones...

Busy body

Got loads of stuff to do today, so I'll make it short.
I have 4 interviews lined up this week with various companies. Just love it when they call and say: "Oh, I was expecting to talk to a woman, with the name A____...". My reply:" Big mistake!", while placing a virtual "X" against them in my mind. Don't they read the CV? Or are they simply big fans of the 'Young and the Restless' (you won't believe how many times Israelis have confused my gender because of this soap character!)?

And we are predicting Arsenal's babe-in-arms central midfield to come out on top in today's clash with Chelski. Mark my words. An easy 34-0.

It's Christmas time...isn't it?

Xmas time in Israel is non-existent, save for the odd pub/hotel catering to a touristy crowd. If I don't make it to England, I usually miss it badly. Aaah, all those Xmas trees, the cold, cold evenings spent fighting your way through the shopping crowds, the same 10 Xmas songs played over and over again on the radio, the Wizard of Oz on the BBC...I know most people in Blighty are sick of all the hype and endless advertising by the time December even starts, but you never realize how much you love something until it's gone. I love Xmas, always have and always will.

I've even managed to brainwash mrs. anglosaxy into loving it (couldn't be down to all those pressies...could it?), and we usually end up celebrating Xmas Day in Tel Aviv, somewhere...I think she has come to understand that it is an important day for me, much like I realize being with her means celebrating Pessach (Passover) and the Jewish New Year (to name just a couple). She even helps with decorating the tree, the good Jewish girl that she is. But then I buy the matza bread for Pessach and hang up the bunting for Israeli Independence Day. As you can tell, a real melting pot of cultures at the anglosaxy castle.

Celebrating Xmas does get harder and harder, especially when you no longer mix in the tourist crowds, or those same tourists you once partied with are now elsewhere or settled down in suburbia. But Xmas is something I will never give up on, wherever I am in the world. That will mean a good few beers, accompanied with a Xmas type movie, and possibly a quick visit to MASH or Molly Blooms. This year's movie is currently being downloaded...and it is: Bad Santa.

This year Xmas falls on Saturday, which might mean a Friday night Xmas Eve session drifting into Xmas Day proper. So, if you spot a lanky guy wearing a Santa hat strutting his stuff in Tel Aviv, just slightly inebriated, come over and give me a kiss/handshake, whichever option suits you best. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, and if that means getting all fired up by Wham's "Last Christmas", it's gotta be done...

I do hereby promise, that if one day I do open my own pub, Xmas will be celebrated in style...mince pies, sausage rolls and even mistletoe. Make your reservations now!

And time for a Xmas joke I think:

It is Christmas Eve and this chap is on a rooftop about to jump off. His wife is leaving him for another man, he has lost his job and he owes thousands of pounds to the bank. Just as he finishes his prayers and closes his eyes, ready to jump,Father Christmas taps him on the shoulder.
"Are you OK?" asks Father Christmas. The man explains why he is so miserable and gets ready to jump."Stop!" shouts Father Christmas. "It's Christmas, I will grant you three wishes to solve your problems on the understanding that you will grant me a small favour in return!"
"Would you?" the man replies. "That would be wonderful!!...Thank you."
Father Christmas promises him that:
1. You shall go home in 1 hour and your wife will be dressed in her sexiest underwear, begging for forgiveness and longing for your return, she will have no recollection of her new boyfriend.
2. You shall go into work tomorrow, sit at your desk and continue withyour work. Your salary will have increased by 50%. Also, nobody will have any recollection of your sacking.
3. You shall go to your bank and you will be ten thousand pounds in credit, you will have no outstanding bills.
"Oh thank you, thank you!" says the man."What is it that I can do for you?"Father Christmas asks the man to drop his pants and bend over. After a quite brutal rogering, which made his eyes water a little, Father Christmas asks the man how old he is. "36" replies the man."Ho, Ho, Ho, You're a bit old to believe in Father Christmas aren't you!?"chuckled the fat gay b*stard in fancy dress...

Facelift

Last night I drove past the Tel Aviv town hall building, in Ibn Gvirol street, for the first time in ages. This is probably old news, but I was surprised to see its new look. Very funky and definitely an improvement on that old prison block look. It was previously one of the ugliest buildings around, without a doubt. And for those of you who aren't familiar with the building, Yitzhak Rabin was assassinated just below that street sign you can see on the right of the picture.

Apparently, this is an art exhibition illustrating Tel Aviv street names. Very nice.

Is that for me?

Wow. I really love Christmas. Especially when the parcels from home start arriving. I just picked up 4 nicely sized packages, while ignoring the jealous stares of other post office shoppers. Never mind that the post-office clerk gave me someone else's parcel and I had to go back half an hour later and swap it for my ever-so-much-better parcel. We'll forgive her, 'tis the season and all that bullshit.
Esteemed ones - all of you, all I can say is look out for the postie, because he's bringing something your way.

Traffic jam observations

After last night's gruelling jam-fest, I thought I'd trade in some of my observations of other drivers as they sit anonymously in their cars...

• People pick their noses. ALOT. It's quite amazing to see just how far people are willing to insert a digit...
• Couples either fight or totally ignore each other.
• You can tell from the car rocking to and fro in front of you just what type of music they're listening to: if it's a gentle r o c k - r o c k it could be anything, but if it's a fast rock-rock-rock, you know it's hip-hop.
• People sing along to songs on their radio/CD. BADLY.
• People sometimes look so gormless, it's almost scary.

Next time, I might try some of these.

Cloak and dagger

Moving on from yesterday's corridor meetings, it's all getting very cloak and dagger. Just got a phone call from a company somewhere in Israel, asking me to be very discreet, whatever that means. This is a blogger she's talking to....while the Shanghai job has sent an email, by mistake, which perhaps isn't a great advertisment for a top online security company. The message is posted here, though the names have been changed to protect the innocent:

#start john's_personal_opinion
This is Heuston to planet China...
Mission aborted.
(even if he says yes, the residual risk is too high. Better to focus on finding another Dennis. More the better of him).
#end john's_personal_opinion

WTF is that all about? I guess they pressed 'Reply to all' by mistake, and it kinda blows the Shanghai dream out of the water. I have a feeling they were trying to get me on the cheap anyway, so I don't feel that pissed off...

Job Update

Well, it was a long meeting with the boss, nearly 2 hours in total...and I think I can safely say I've now seen it all, I can retire a happy man. I played it very classy but it seems no matter what I do, they just won't fire me. My boss's words: "If you think I'm going to fire you, you're mistaken. You're too talented..." Eh? What do I have to do round here? Slash the CEO's tyres?

Seriously, I heard the usual bullshit, which was actually good for the ego, but my plan to boldly quit no matter what was stalled by a friend's comments, never mind what they were. I told the boss that I'm torn between staying and going (believe it or not, I actually used the line: Should I stay or should I go) - I still need to play it innocent here because I know they play hard to get with the compensation. But there's no way it's going to come from them, which tells me they're either playing the compensation card or they really are soft in the 'ead.

Let's just say that for now I have a free rein at this place, when I find something else I'll be out. I choose the days I work, I determine what is needed etc., etc., my boss really has no idea what is required. Not sure why, but I actually left the meeting feeling so much better about life in general...I am still looking for something, still got loads of ideas running through my mind, and Shanghai needs to get back to me before the weekend, so, what will be will be. At the most, I lose the compensation that is due, it's only money...

And WTF was that traffic jam tonight? Took me over an hour to get home - from South to North Tel Aviv. Those Hanukka doughnuts have got a lot to answer for...

And life is sure getting sweeter as Arsenal demolish Rosenborg...

D-Day

Today, I think, is D-Day. I have a meeting later with the boss, but you know what, I feel GOOD. I feel like I've made some decisions in the last few hours and whatever happens, I'm healthy, still young (-ish) and married to a bootiful gal. Not sure exactly where the future lies at this moment, but it can only get better.

As Howy Jacobs put it (the cool, punk professor of genetics at Tampere University, Finland): "I didn't want to follow the path of one of those little sea creatures that finds a niche for itself under a rock and then quietly filter feeds for the rests of its existence." (cheers juicy)

Feed the wooorrrlllldddd

Ahhhh, Xmas is coming up fast...I've started to dig out my old Xmas MP3s at work, got a nice little collection from past Xmas's.

I'm listening to that old Band Aid classic 'Do they know its Christmas' (the one that has been disgracefully updated, 20 years on - 20 years - check out that original lineup!). This song always reminds me of a Xmas a few years back when me and my mate Peter decided to go 'celebrate' in Jerusalem. We told our better halves (we each have much better halves these days!) that we were going on a Christian pilgrimage to Bethlehem, little did they know that our pilgrimage stopped at Jerusalem's Underground bar for a night of beer and dancing on tables to Xmas classics...I'll always remember the crowded pub, beers a-jiggling, tables a-rocking, as they belted out 'Do They Know Its Christmas' ...amazing! I'm not sure how we got back to Tel Aviv that same night (or morning!), but I recall it involved a kamikaze taxi driver (those of you who have driven to Jerusalem will know what I mean).

Bad vibes

I promised a smile upon every visit, but, hey, I'm human - and I have softened the blow with a tale of Xmas's past (see above).

Corridor land this morning. Boss is back from her maternity leave. I have very bad vibes here now, hard to walk into a place where you know you suffer. What's making it worse is last Wednesday night's entertaining with G. He told me that he had been looking for a while for a job and had been to a number of interviews already. His words rang familiar: "I can't face getting up in the morning..." and "they treat us like shit...". This guy is Mr. Dependable, Mr. Rock Solid. He started the same week as me and we've been matey ever since, mainly because of the football. He is very professional, one of the top pros at this place. But if he is having serious issues with work, then I know the problem is not just with me...

I have a meeting tomorrow with my boss, I reckon it should be time to jack it in regardless of what else is going on...

Please, sir, More!

Glorious weekend weather, which has been around now for some days. Not a cloud in the sky, yesterday was spent eating breakfast at the in-laws, then meeting up with two different sets of friends for some beers and food in Ramat Ha'hayall. I have to say, living in Tel Aviv sometimes means friends calling up and saying 'we're in the neighborhood, do you fancy coming for a beer?' (silly question really) - it's not always perfect timing, but yesterday it all clicked very nicely.

First stop was Leo Blooms, where I downed some silky Kilkenny and was inexcusably diverted by Arsenal v Birmingham on the TV screens...then other friends called and we moved on to meet up with them in Avant Garde for some more beer. Then back to our place for some passion fruit/peach sorbet. Eh? Do I know how to spoil my guests or what?

Anyway, the calm before the storm, as my immediate boss returns to work this week after a long maternity leave. We will have a chat in the next day or two, of that I'm sure.

Here's an Israeli joke (this one's translated from Hebrew):
Three Israelis of Moroccan origin get into a car. Which one's driving?
The policeman.

I just wanna cock me leg on that tinselized tree...

It's a dog's life...that bloody anglosaxy geezer has got me decked up in tinsel again...if that Santa bloke even comes near these parts I swear I'll bite his ankles...

Sunning it

Brunch with M at Banana Beach earlier today. Can't beat sitting on the beach, not a cloud in the sky, while munching on some breakfast-type bagels. The sea was looking mighty fine, there were even a couple of swimmers about much to the amazement of M. Tried telling him that today was like a typical summers day in the UK, but he didn't believe me.

Off later for some babysitting. Yep, babysitting. Beats losing to Manure, I guess...

Keeping up the fun quota (my mission for December is to make you smile on every visit you make this month), another Essex girl joke for you:

An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. "How many children?" asks the council worker. "10" replies the Essex girl "10???" says the council worker. "What are their names?" >"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne." "Doesn't that get confusing?" "Naah..." says the Essex girl "it's great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..." "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker. "That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames."

Let the festivities begin!

Posted a big entry earlier but blogger ate it all up and burped right back in my face. So, you'll just have to believe me when I say that the Shanghai job is still on, though they want me there now...

Had to laugh. Crossed the road to my office earlier and spotted a bin lady rummaging through our dumpster. Not going to find too much there lady...

Had to laugh, part II. My company has just sent a global email, informing its workers that its pushing for a listing as one of the Internet's Fast 50 companies...

And as the festive season kicks in, yuletide cheer abounds and ho, ho, ho echoes through shopping malls, I thought I'd try and make this a fun month. Loads of jokes, pics and seasonal fun, intertwined with the usual corridor shenanigans and dreams of Shanghai.

To kick us off: An Essex Girls Joke
Essex Girl enters a sex shop and asks for a vibrator. The man says"Choose from our range on the wall." She says "I'll take the red one."The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."