Wow! Couldn't see that coming...

This might be a bit tricky, but try and give it a go - Think of a number between -1 and 1. Double it. Double it again. Multiply this by 3. What do you have? That's right, nada. And that's what I got in yesterday's salary review (sponsored by Corridors Anonymous, Inc.).

One month ago, maybe two, this would have been the catalyst for me to pack my bags and move on, especially with the bullshit excuses for not giving me a raise - "We don't know where we stand with you, whether we'll get a full year from you..." - er, OK, but what about the last 4 years without a raise? What about the project I'm just about to start which will save you thousands of dollars? Big, fat LAME written all over this...but I don't really care, honestly, it was exactly what I was expecting and when the time comes, I'll remember this (and the rest of the items on my list). I actually smiled as I came out of this meeting, believe it or not.

Fireball

I love those sunsets when the sun seems like this big, orange fireball on the horizon, peeking out from under a bank of clouds, slowly sinking into the sea. I was on my bike the other day and as I passed through the Old Tel Aviv port, I looked over my shoulder and caught this one...

Some killers for you

I know. I'm a little behind. But please, if this was 10 years ago (or pre-Internet), I'd still be in the dark next Xmas...

May I introduce - The Killers. Just my cup of tea, thank you. This one, their album Hot Fuss, is going to be glued in the car CD player for the coming weeks.

My Friday night started promisingly, as I took mrs. anglosaxy for some ice-cream (not just any ice-cream, but Dr. Lek) and then to the gas station to pick up some milk and bread. Eh? Not bad or what? Never let it be said that I don't know how to look after my woman. This was followed by mrs. anglosaxy promising to cycle over with me to Leo Blooms for some Kilkenny, but, as I can hear her snoring on the sofa, I guess that idea was just an idea...bless her little cotton socks.

So, it's back to some killing: "I got soul, but I'm not a soldier"...

Can't you take a hint?

Sometimes I just can't hack it with the in-laws. Especially when I've had a long week and mrs. anglosaxy wants to go visit. Last night we went over, and as usual, what we planned on being a lightning visit turned into a Big Event. That means momma and poppa anglosaxy have to put on this big show and invite everybody round. First it's mrs. anglosaxy's brothers, who came straight from work, then their wives...and then one of the wives, who is 8 months pregnant didn't fancy coming over. Cue non-stop pleas for her to come over. I lost count after the 15th plea...I mean, isn't it a teeny weeny bit too much? She obviously didn't fancy coming over, and yet they wouldn't leave her the fuck alone. At one point it got embarrassing. I'm just glad she didn't cave in.

So, as the in-law tribe settled in for the feast and the after dinner chat session, me, for the first time in my life, I watched a game of basketball (yep, Maccabee Tel Aviv) from start to finish. Un-fucking-believable.

Those Jewish and Israeli bog awards

I've just read Imshin and was gobsmacked to see her endorsement for anglosaxy as the best 'Life in Israel' blog. For those of you who don't know, the Jewish and Israeli Blog awards are currently in progress, and I know anglosaxy was nominated, amongst many others, for the best 'Life in Israel' award. I haven't mentioned it up to now, because I didn't really expect to win anything, and don't feel particularly "Jewish" or "Israeli". I'm just a guy married to a girl, in Tel Aviv, telling it as it is.

I appreciate the votes, I really do, but I ain't doing this blogging malarky for awards. If it puts a smile on one or two of your faces then great, that'll do me. And anyway, now that Imshin, the original Queen of the Israel blogging scene, has endorsed me, who needs a blog award?! I feel like I've already won something!

My trunks are packed, mr. spammer

In my work Inbox this morning...

Your night has been confirmed with Janice.
Time: Evening
Location: Her Home within 1 mile of you
Attire: Dress casual, bring swimwear
Expectation(s): Pizza/movie, then the "real" fun...or whatever comes first.
Quote from Janice: "My husband is out of town for the whole week. If
the first affair goes over well, let's just say it will be a wild week. Bring
your trunks for the hot-tub too. I have all my lingerie ready for this. Can't
wait to meet you."

MS finally get something right

Well, after hours spent trying to wipe out the spyware from my computer and getting my hijacked browser back, I'm pleased to report that Microsoft's Anti Spyware Beta did the job. After trying Adaware and Spybot, and rebooting and rescanning and repulling my hair out, I tried the MS software late last night. It failed to mop up everything on it's first run, but did the trick on its second. And the validating your Windows issue...er, you can get round it, if you really need to...gold star to Markussss.

Migrating to Firefox tonight. Just one question: when people say it doesn't work with all sites, what does this mean exactly? Will I be able to still view and access the site, or will it be a complete navigational nightmare?

Nice work Blogger!

Fecking hell...
*in a puff of smoke it was gone*
You might notice that the whole of my right side has disappeared. All I did was add a link to my list of fave blogs, and hey presto, it was gone. Can't seem to get it back either, my template is pretty well empty...
What with the bastard spyware rampant on my home computer, I've decided to quit working with computers and return to pen and ink.

Under attack

I confess. I clicked when I shouldn't have clicked...
My home computer is being attacked by spyware, it's making surfing difficult. Been running Adaware and AVG constantly the last 2 days but it just won't heal...just to give you an idea of the scale of the attack, Adaware came up with 800 critical objects last night.
Anyone recommend a top anti-spyware (not anti-virus), preferably a freebie?

Mama used to say, take your time young man...

*Ha! Manages to squeeze mrs. anglosaxy's fave 80's track (anyone can give me the group?) into the title of this post. Ingenious!*

Got a call yesterday from one of the companies with whom I was involved in a series of job interviews back in December. After a month without hearing from them, they have decided to invite me in for a fourth interview. The interview: a forum of the existing 9 writers asking me a series of questions to verify whether I'm [ their company ] compatible. Er, sorry, but I'd rather wash me hair...Are you having a fecking laugh? Sounds like it'll be easier becoming Prime Minister...

Because this company is big in the software world, I guess they thought they could take their time. I guess they thought I'd be happy to twiddle my thumbs for a month. I also guess they thought they might find better than me what with the series of ads I spotted in the last month. I'm guessing they're wrong...aside from my commitment to the asylum corridor for the coming weeks, this company has well and truly taken the piss, especially after they were the ones pressuring me to reschedule my diary because 'the position needs to be filled quickly'... Feck off.

Signs of winter in Israel, part III

Welcome to the world of the hardy, weather-beaten Israeli.
29 degrees. Yep, 29 degrees on the ol' air conditioner. I'm sure I can cook up some marshmallows if I get close enough...

I still get incredulous looks as I walk in to corridor land, take off my hooded sweatshirt (am I a chav?) and sit at my desk in a short sleeved shirt/t-shirt. Even mrs. anglosaxy still can't believe I'm not swathed in layers of clothing during the long, hard winter. OK, it's cold at night, but during the day it's pretty well hovering around the late teens. That ain't cold, trust me...

Nappy talk

I have to say that this whole baby business is quite amazing. When you stop and think about the little 'being' that is currently developing deep inside mrs. anglosaxy, it just seems incredible. Seeing him (ha, now I can say that!) moving around in the womb on the ultrasound is quite mind-blowing, especially in 3D. Never thought I'd feel this way to be honest.

Now we are thinking about names, not too seriously coz there's a long way to go, but we are looking. Need something special (doesn't every parent?), because of the Anglo-Israeli alliance, something that sounds the same in both English and Hebrew. We're working on it...

*cough*

[burps, farts] Well, that's enough of that namby-pamby nonsense. Time for a more manly topic. Such as football, auto-repair, rugby, snooker, beer or...isn't the price of nappies just ridiculous?

OK, so "it's" a ...

Well, could you honestly see me going to ballet classes with the little one in tow?

Anglosaxy Junior

"It's" a mmmppfkkhh...
I can't tell you because if I do I'll have to kill you...gggrrrr

Going to London?

If you're ever thinking of travelling on the London Underground, you might not want to see this movie...

And enjoy the touch of glass on your lips as you down a pint of amber nectar, as according to this, glass is on its way out...a pint of beer in a plastic pot? Oh dear...

You know you've been in Israel too long...Mark II

To celebrate my 17,000th page hit (YES! It was you! Good job that man!), I've decided to relive my favourite (and most commented upon) post of 2004, revamped and remixed by DJ aNgLoSaXy to give it an air of 2005. I've also noticed that my readership has almost doubled in the last month, god knows how, so this is for all you newbies...feel free to add your own in the comments.

You know you've been in Israel too long...

...when you start blocking junctions during the rush hour (go on, you've still got a spacious 2 cm before you start nudging that car in front!).

...when you speedily close any gap between you and the car in front at the first sign of someone trying to maneuver his/her way in. At 100kmh. There's no way one of those feckers is going to push in...

...when you start jumping queues (lets face it, did you ever see an organized, civilized queue? Even those cute looking old Yemenite grannies have queue-jumping down to a fine art!). Nightmare Scenario: Planeload of Israelis and only two check-in desks!!

...when you start trying to barge your way into a lift (or 'elevators' as some of you from 'across the pond' might prefer) while its occupants are still exiting - Let them get OUT before you try and push your way IN!

...when you start shouting on your mobile phone in the middle of the street (with exaggerated arm movements, of course).
Nightmare Scenario: Nice romantic movie at the cinema...accompanied by the joyous chorus of a Nokia and Eriksson doing their renditions of Sarit Hadad's latest (who?...).

...when you constantly interrupt others in mid-sentence (with exaggerated arm movements, of course).

...when you no longer faint when friends mention they've just bought a 1 bedroom flat in Tel Aviv for $300,000.

...when you start leaning on your horn. (Quick, the traffic light is still on red. See if you can be the first to blow your horn before it changes to amber!)

...when you start using your hands to plough through that chicken - never mind that grease running down your arms, use a pita to mop it up!

...when you no longer get fazed as you wait for the shop assistant to finish her 'emergency' phone-call to her sister's friend's cousin's brother's girlfriend.

...when you no longer expect to hear a 'please' or 'thank you' - just give me the bloody change!

...when you no longer flinch at the sight of someone flushing their nasal contents onto the street - with the same hand that you may well soon be shaking!

...when you start an Anglo-Israeli blog.

Just when you think you've turned the corner

So, I've pretty much decided to commit myself to the corridor for the next 3 or 4 months because of an impending project that I would actually love to get my teeth into. I've also been doing a lot of thinking recently, what with the shake up my life will be going through this year, and realised that this place, however much it sucks, can actually benefit me in some ways. I've seen a range of what's out there at the moment, and not been that impressed - at least at the corridor I can come and go as I please, do as much, or as little, work as I want and don't have to prove myself for the next year. The bosses here genuinely like me as well - when I told my boss that I was going to be a daddy, she actually cried - get a grip woman! It also gives me enough free time to build a small English school, which is in progress as we speak. Believe it or not, I've actually come in to work lately with a much lighter heart. Maybe I've just got used to bitching too much...

But then, the last 2 days have also given us the downside of the corridor...

Yesterday was salary review day (but not for me, and I'm not that intrigued as to why not) and a chance for my boss to invite a couple of corridor colleagues in for a grilling. N, who is very heavily pregnant, was beaten around the head with a blunt instrument (or so it seemed) and came out bawling. Apparently, my boss isn't happy with her and she won't be getting a raise as the salary review is based on future potential and not the last 4 years of cutbacks and stress. Utter bollox. Mmm, and why bother with the meeting? Oh, that's right, you really care about the workers...

Today it was the turn of G, my Man United nemesis, to reveal that's he off in a month. He has had enough of waking up in the morning and dreading coming in to work. This guy started the same week as me, some 4 years ago, and has proven to be a pretty decent mate (apart from the liking Man United bit...). He's religiously observant, and lunch with him can be a pain because he'll only eat in strictly kosher places, but a great guy. We've also been to each other's houses for 'beer and footie' sessions, but never on a Saturday because he's unreachable on Shabbat. I guess it's funny to some, having a connection with someone religious, me being a goy and all, but I never look at the religion of a person to determine whether or not we're going to be mates. I'd like to think he was of a similar thinking. Good luck to ya, mate.

Tick, tock, tick, tock...

I knew mrs. anglosaxy's biological clock was ticking, but this is ridiculous...

No comment

Notice the lack of football commentary round anglosaxy this morning...those mercenaries from up North always manage to spoil my day. Looks like it's Chelski all the way...though Jose had better watch out that he doesn't turn into a sad clown.

Postville

Just finished reading Postville: A Clash of Cultures in Heartland America by Stephen G. Bloom. Not bad, quite interesting reading a secular Jew's perception of the Lubavitchers and their US/THEM mentality. A thriller this book ain't.

Time for a new poll

Nothing much going on, the rain has seriously set in today and I'm curled up on the sofa watching English footie on the TV. I should be looking for a new house and setting up my English school's website but the football (and the accompanying beer) is proving more enticing...

It's been a while since I last set a poll, so thought I'd better get a new one posted. Results for the previous poll: well, you've all become a rude, interrupting bunch since arriving in Israel, with 26% of the votes going that way. In joint second, it's the bad driving, pita wiping lot...

The new poll:
You are trapped on a desert island with 8 Israeli politicians. Which one do you eat first ? (don't forget, the felafel and Goldstar beer have already run out...)

No news is good news?

Still waiting for my boss to call me, though to be honest, I'm not expecting the unexpected. I'm sure they'll come up with something fairly trivial but blow it up out of all proportion so as to give the impression that they really care about their workers...like the implied salary reviews, that are still yet to happen - even if they do happen, I'd expect no more than 100 shekels extra (about $23) in my monthly pay packet. Guess it's better than a kick in the teeth, especially after 4 years of cuts and penny pinching, but it's just the way they hype all these things up, I'm presuming they think they are motivating some of us...

Meanwhile, while the cat was away, the mouse did play. mrs. anglosaxy returns from the Dead Sea later today, meaning that my partying, binging, non-stop strippers session must draw to a close. I was a good boy, honest. Only one night out on the town, while last night my good mate Kinky (I have to write sometime about how he got his name...) came round to eat pizza, drink beer, watch English football and talk about 80's music. He used to be a DJ, so he was coming out with all these long-forgotten names that flew me right back to those magical new wave days. *puts my father's hat on* Aaah, they don't write songs like they used to...

UPDATE: Well, what can I say, they've decided to change the leasing company cars. Wow, and even worse conditions too, such as a fine if we return the car within 3 years. Golly, I'm motivated.

You can't do that...

My boss just grabbed me and asked me if I'm in tomorrow. I told her that I'm not coming in (wasn't scheduled to). She replied that "that's a shame, I have some very important news...but I can't tell you until tomorrow...". "What, can't you give me a clue?" I replied, my curiosity piqued. "Let's just say that it's good news..." was her sheepish answer. She has her ear to the ground, as they say, since she's married to the CEO...
Mmmm. Lots of possibilities running through my head...
You're leaving?
You've decided to double my pay and cut my rampant hours?
Microsoft has bought the company and is moving the whole thing to Shanghai?

I have a feeling it's more along the lines of:
The CEO has decided to treat everyone to a slapup felafel meal...

My apologies to the Chang family

Last night I had my weekly 3 lesson session in Rosh Ha'ayin. I know I shouldn't, but *takes off black hat and cape and puts cane to one side* sometimes I just can't stop myself from cracking up...

The guy I teach is getting much better, especially when he misses his train in the mornings (it gives him an extra 20 minutes reading practice), but he still comes out with some corkers. I love watching his face as he ponders a word and then it suddenly clicks and he almost shouts out the word with joy! Not always correctly, I might add...

We were doing a reading exercise with the Chang family when we came across the mother, Grace Chang. I was just about to explain to him that Chang wasn't a common Western name, but noticed that his eyes had already narrowed. A bead of sweat popped up on his brow, and all fell silent...

And then it came:

"Junky Chunky!"

What else can you do but laugh? Hysterically.

Bananas split

There you go, the price of fame. No sooner do I post them on anglosaxy, do they go all 'celebrity' on me...yep, me bananas are splitting.

WTF is going on here? I've bought loads of bananas in my time, I just love 'em, but I've never seen this happen. Could it be all those minerals and vitamins just bursting to get out? I'm on banana overload at the moment as I try to keep pace with this new phenomenon, I've even made a couple of banana cakes...

Drunk as a skunk

Blimey guv, a few Irish beers have been downed this evening, those creamy Kilnenny's at Molly Blooms will be the death of me...Tuesday tomorrow (today) and, well, I guess I'm not working. Poor M, he's going to have to get up early and do his bestest bank clerk impression, poor sod. Me, I'm going to show a couple of people around the flat in the morning, lets see what a sterling job I can do...

At present, we have three candidates as potential tenants:

1. The super lesbian, who scares the shit out of me. Would you rent your flat to her?
2. The nice girl from South Tel Aviv who wants to open a small kindergarten (completely unlicensed).
3. The super yuppy couple from North Tel Aviv who are moving in together. She's a babe. He's a Robbie Williams lookalike. They're so cool I feel it's my duty to warn them clear of my neighbourhood, but they keep coming back for more...

Signs of winter in Israel, part II

There I was researching away, trying to find some links on today's winter topic, the Krembo, when I came across David's archive post, go read it. So, since David has done a great job, I won't go on about the history behind Krembos and why you only see them in the winter, BUT I will mention that for me, you've got to eat them from the top down, saving that biscuit base for last. AND you just have to touch the filling with your fingers, it's disgustingly sticky! I'm not sure of the equivalent in England, probably the closest is a Wagon Wheel.

Below are some pictures of Krembos, the blue wrapping is vanilla flavoured, while the brown is mocca flavoured. These two flavours are the standard, though I've seen a couple of others in previous years.

Fully clothed:


Naked:


Ravaged (note the biscuit base, left for last):

Status: Could do better

Corridor land seems to have moved into a different dimension the last couple of weeks. What with rumours flying around of a move to a new building, salary reviews for everyone and reports of a record quarter, things actually seem quite upbeat. But, this company has shafted us nicely in the past, so I'm not holding my breath...the interviews are still being lined up.

Anyway, they've decided to distribute a form, in which we 'anonymously' grade our immediate bosses and also rate our dissatisfaction with the company. The Hebrew is so fancy I've had to get mrs. anglosaxy to go over it with me, though I did think about giving a response of 1 to all questions (there's a scale from 1 to 6 to rate your satisfaction), without reading the Hebrew. How anonymous this really is is anyone's guess, I'm not convinced. What mark do you think I gave the following questions:

Do you feel that you belong to company name? (They put that in for a laugh, surely?)
How satisfied are you with the working environment at company name? (Another giggle session erupts...)
How far has company name developed you both personally and professionally? (Holy crap...)

Yep, these got the response they deserved.

Driver installed

You can call me Stirling.
It feels like most of today was spent on the road - up at 8, drive to the in-laws for jachnun, then a drive over to Rosh Ha'ayin to check out a place (not bad but not quite). Back through Bnei Brak (don't ask) all the way up to Zichron Yacov for some sitting on a sun drenched balcony overlooking the Med while supping a cold one, with views of Tel Aviv in the distance (what a glorious day, eh?). Pit stops on the way back at Binyamina and Ga'ash. All I can say is thank Christ the company foots the petrol bill...

The car is now resting. I'll be putting it through its paces again this week but at least it doesn't have to suffer at the hands of mrs. anglosaxy (dare I mention women drivers at this point? Nah, better not...) as she's off to the Dead Sea for the week with her mom, leaving me all home alone. Bless 'er.

Amazing

Last night we had a scan and saw the baby in 3D, pretty amazing. Especially when he/she suddenly moves and changes position. But no news on the sex, we'll have to wait another 2 weeks or so. I'm guessing that it can't be a boy, because if 'he' was built like his father, we'd have been able to tell the sex a few weeks ago. Ha ha.

Off to check out some flats in Kiryat Ono...

Still here then

Well, 2005 is 6 days thick and I'm still in the corridor of dreams (unlike the Theatre of Dreams, spit, spit, spit, belonging to a certain Man United, spit, spit, spit, I don't have a breeze blowing through my hair).

I was so sure I'd be regularly diving into bowls of hot, steaming noodles, chopsticks a blur...while my Chinese would be progressing beyond "Ni Hao!" (though like a true Chinaman, I managed to spit my way through this post's first sentence...). Here I am getting excited about possibly finding out the sex of the baby to be (I want a girl, by the way, which some people find strange). Today we might find out. Funny how things change.

There's always a thought running through my head, something like: "If I was a single guy, I'd have been in China some months ago..." but then I wouldn't be with the babe that is mrs. anglosaxy and I wouldn't be on this new path...

MEANWHILE, back at the corridor, I'm making all the right noises for my boss, even upping my hours every month, while secretly having some interviews on the side. I've been disappointed by a couple of places, one where I even had 3 interviews (and who haven't contacted me for 2 weeks), but most places have just not done it for me. I've even turned down second interviews because of the bad vibes I've had...some might say I'm being a picky bastard, but if I know the work is going to bore my arse off after 6 months, or the co-workers look like they belong in a monastery, then why bother with a second interview?

Anyway, got to run, the head monk has just called a meeting...

UPDATE: Talking of Man United, isn't this a fecking disgrace?!?

Signs of winter in Israel, part I

Thought I'd start a new series of posts on what it's like in Israel during the winter...winter, ha, don't make me laugh! More like an English summer, but try telling that to the locals. They really have no idea...

Anyway, I love the winters over here, not just because of the weather. It also heralds the appearance of things you'll find somewhat harder to spot at any other time of the year. Take, for example, the multitude of citrus fruits you can currently buy. Apart from adding a splash of color to your local supermarket/market, shit are they cheap! This little lot in the picture below cost a tad less than 20 shekels (a bit over $4) - I know in England this lot would have set me back probably double that amount. And forget about buying single bananas/oranges - none of that over here, it's all by the kilo, and because it's so cheap, you end up buying a big bunch, or a fairly big bag full of oranges, clementines, whatever. Trust me, you'll only get sneered at if you don't take at least a kilo...

Ain't nothing better than half a grapefruit for breakfast, sprinkled with a little sugar... and I've even got mrs. anglosaxy hooked.

Interesting fact: oranges aren't native to Israel and were actually introduced to Israel by British Philanthropist Sir Moses Montifiore, who purchased land in the mid-19th century on the outskirts of the port city of Jaffa, specifically for planting orange orchards. They've since long gone, of course.



NOTE: If any of you can't see the above picture let me know. I've just purchased some webspace and am trying out some picture hosting. Which might just mean a whole load of pictures coming your way...

Invasion of the flat snatchers

We had 7 potential tenants round tonight, checking the place out. It was quite invasive, though fairly rewarding as most were impressed. The last visitor was a well 'ard lesbian (sorry, but she couldn't not be...) who scared the shit out of me. Naturally, she took a liking to mrs. anglosaxy, so I just smiled in the corner as they talked dirty business.

Personally, I'm waiting for Bar Raphaeli or Yael Bar Zohar to turn up on my doorstep (and in this weather, the more wet and bedraggled the better). I'll force myself to be a great landlord and come and cut the grass every week. I can also trim bushes (...ahem).

Should I be dooced?

Interesting piece from the BBC about blogging about work. I'm not sure how it works in this country but I guess if you were really naughty you'd get canned. I've never mentioned the company I work for by name, but I know one or two of you know where and who I work for. But it won't stop me blogging about the inept management and corridor shenanigans - as long as I'm here.

Are there any other Israeli bloggers who regularly dish the dirt on their job, because I haven't seen so much of it about...?

"Blogs can put a human face on your company. They can also put a demon at the centre of the company PR."

Bling, bling. Who is it? 2005!

2005 roars into town! Like I said before, it should be an interesting year with many things to look forward to and dread. Some of them even life-changing, I guess...

2004 whimpered out with a few beers, some of which were smuggled into the maternity ward at Beilinson Hospital. When a fellow beer drinker requests, I just can't leave the guy drooling...wherever the location. And besides, it was a celebratory session with a new baby the reason. Blimey, they look so fragile! Can't believe I might actually have to go through all that...

So, with a new year looming, what did we decide to do? Yep, move house. We've been thinking about it for a long time, but our new situation has kind of pushed things forward. So we posted an ad for our place on one of Israel's leading rental sites...and then sat back in awe at the deluge of calls...I'm just surprised that people are prepared to pay so much for so little, though we do have a cute little garden (built by yours truly), which ain't that common in Tel Aviv. But $720 for 2.5 rooms (rooms, not bedrooms)? Are you fecking nuts?

And there's no holding back the feckers, calls on Friday at 5pm (in Israel, this hour is a definite no-go area, as most of the country is snoozing its weekly siesta session), Saturday morning at 10am.
"Sorry, did I wake you up?"
*rubs eyes* "Yep"
"OK, I'll call back later"
"Yep" Grrrr.

And the preferred new location for the anglosaxies? Well, I could say Shanghai, London or Rosh Pina, but it looks like it'll be much closer to Tel Aviv. I'd actually prefer to stay in a good area of Tel Aviv but it's just too expensive. We're looking at a few places, like Kiryat Ono and Rosh Ha'ayin, but, to be honest, I'm a little worried about becoming mr. suburbia...

Anyway, from my original 'home town', how to put your sofa to good use, if you're a chavvy thieving bastard...